Page 21 of Theirs to Desire (Club M: Boxed Set)

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I call Dix Ketcham first thing Friday morning. “Any chance Callie Weiss called you yesterday?”

Dix Ketcham worked at the agency with us until her mother got sick.

She quit to take care of her, nursing her through four brutal years of cancer treatments and chemo.

Her mother died last January, and I would have thought that Dix Ketcham would have been ready to leave Jackson and all the sad memories behind.

So far though, Dix shows no desire of wanting to leave.

She’s very different from me in that regard.

“Not yet,” she replies. “In my experience, if they don’t call right away, they don’t call at all.”

I’m afraid she’s right.

I told Adrian on Tuesday that I’d been ready to go back to the club again, but after yesterday’s trip to Mississippi, I’m not so sure.

This is a bad time for me to re-enter the world of dominance and submission.

BDSM is a mindfuck. A trust exercise. A dominant needs to be in control of his emotions and his feelings, his focus entirely on his submissive.

My emotions are all over the place; they’ve been that way from the moment my mother called.

But yesterday’s session with Fiona had also reminded me of how much I missed it. When she took off her shirt for me, when she allowed herself to give up control, her trust had been such an aphrodisiac. I’d forgotten how good it felt.

I’d jerked off in the shower as soon as I got back home, clenching my eyes shut, hearing her soft gasps and seeing her full breasts and her rosy nipples, swollen with need.

It’s my job to pay attention. Downing’s done a number on Fiona. When I told her I was going to spank her, her first reaction was fear. What did she think I was going to do anyway? Beat her black and blue?

That’s your fault, Payne. You shouldn’t have jumped into play without conversation, negotiation, and establishing limits.

Damn it.

If I want to keep scening with Fiona, I have to be more responsible

And Adrian? I don’t know what the fuck is going on with my best friend. Three days ago, he’d bitten my head off when I suggested returning to the club. Now, he’s all in favor of playing with Fiona.

That has me worried too. Adrian has never fully dealt with the impact of our submissive’s death.

When I think about Sandy, my primary emotion is sadness that she died so young. She’d wanted to travel to Alaska and hike the Appalachian Trail, and she died before she got a chance to fulfill all her dreams.

But when Adrian thinks about Sandy’s death, he doesn’t view it as an accident. He thinks it’s his fault. He suggested the ski trip, and she’d died, and Adrian has spent the past two years blaming himself for it.

Logic dictates that Adrian deal with that gaping wound before he goes back to the club where we met Sandy.

Yet I know him, and I know myself. Fiona is an intoxicating mix of sexy and sweet, and oh-so-responsive.

If she wants to play again, we’re both going to take her up on it.