Page 75 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Seventy-Five

SILAS

L ena studied the engravings on the wall, deciphering yet another strange text as I watched her from my seat on the bench.

My mind was still spiraling. My mother was alive. Well, partially.

And my father…he was who was responsible for the creatures that plagued the continent. It made so much sense. Of course he wished to bring Mages to the kingdom alive, only to execute them in our kingdom.

He was raising an army of the Undead.

How could I have been so blind?

He and my mother both had magic…which meant that if I were his son, I, too, would be a Mage. So why was Mother so adamant that I was his?

And how could she be proud of me? I believed Lena, believed Mother had told her those words, but there was no way her visions had shown her the extent of my mistakes….she certainly wouldn't feel that way if she had.

Lena sighed as she placed down the chalk, frowning at the words.

I stood, walking over to her with my hands in my pockets.

PURIFICATION WILL ENSURE BALANCE, JUST AS HER FATHER HAS.

AS HER POWER GROWS, THE RIFT WILL CLOSE.

“Just as her father has,” I murmured.

“Balance…Azrae.”

I frowned. “So, the Goddess of Purification is the daughter of Azrae?”

“It would seem so,” she whispered, just as the Empath came barging in, face contorted in rage.

“What’s wrong?!” Lena asked, standing to her feet.

“It wasn’t right to put this burden on me…this secret!” he spat.

“Merrick,” she said carefully. “I never wanted you to know. Your damn gift is what gave it all away.”

“Era is devastated.” His eyes were dark, tears beginning to shine. “She is so hurt that I lied to her. For you.” He turned his attention to me, his lip curling. “For both of you.”

Lena's lip trembled. “I’m so sorry, Merrick.”

“Where is she?” I asked. “I need to speak with her.”

Merrick scoffed. “Good luck with that. She ran off somewhere in this temple.”

I found Era twenty minutes later, her knees to her chest as she sat against the wall in one of the corridors.

“I don’t want to talk,” she said quietly, brown eyes glued to her lap.

“Era…” I slid down beside her, sighing as I leaned my head back against the wall. “I have messed up so much. I’m sorry you were in the crossfire of all my poor decisions.”

She scoffed, and I angled my head toward her. “Why didn’t you leave me behind?” she asked, setting her hands on the ground. “Why didn’t you dispose of me before we left the fort?”

“Dispose of you?” I shook my head. “Believe me or not, I love you, Era.”

She let out a dry laugh, and I reached my hand down to hold hers. “I didn’t know how to feel once Lena was back in my life. She was my first love—”

“Yeah, I saw everything, remember?”

“You saw snippets, yes. But none did justice to how close she and I were.” I sighed. “I would’ve never left you behind, one, because I love you, and two, because I didn’t know what the King would have done to you. I wanted you safe.”

“Yeah, this journey has been real fucking safe. Great job, Your Highness.”

My hand still remained on top of hers. “I know I’m not the good guy in this situation, Era. I was unfaithful to you.”

Something in her eyes flicked, something I couldn’t place .

“Even before you cheated, you weren’t a good husband,” she whispered.

“I know.” I ran my thumb along the backside of her hand. “You deserved better than me this entire time.”

“It’s not like we were in love when we married,” she said, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I knew that. But I had thought, ‘If he got to know me, then perhaps he’d love me,’ but your heart…it already had belonged to another.”

“You have done nothing wrong. You’ve been a perfect wife,” I insisted.

She shook her head, her frown deepening as she snatched her hand away and rested her head and arms against her raised knees.

“Truly, Era. I just…everything I have gone through has fucked with my head.” I tucked my hands in my lap. “I didn’t want to feel what I felt with Lena ever again. I didn’t desire that level of closeness. Because I remembered what it felt like to lose it.”

A few quiet moments passed. “What happened to your back?” she asked quietly. After a moment of silence, she raised her head, brown eyes unrelenting. “Tell me what happened to you, Silas.”

My heartbeat quickened, and I raised my legs to rest my elbows on my knees. “The King had me beaten anytime I showed emotion when it came to killing. Any time I showed compassion, or empathy, or fear. He had me tortured for months.”

“And…you felt it worked?”

I inhaled, then exhaled. “I didn’t lose my humanity until he had me raped as punishment.”

Her eyes flared, her legs sinking back down to the floor.

“He had three men he'd kept as prisoners do it. Every week for months straight.” Hard as it was, I kept her eye contact. “I lost myself, Era. I…I wasn’t always this way. I used to be a decent man.” I swallowed at the sight of her glossy eyes. “I think if that had never happened to me…I think I may have been able to love you how you deserved. I think I could’ve been open, could’ve told you about my past. Could’ve moved on.

“But it was like the real me, the Silas who existed before all the death, the torture, the rape…” I chewed on my lip. “I buried him so deep I wasn’t sure he existed anymore.”

“And then you saw her,” Era said quietly.

I nodded, my fingers drumming against the ground. “And it was like these versions of me were battling. The real me wanted back out. But it hurt…being him hurts…”

I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling from my eyes, and my stare fell to the ground, feeling pathetic for it.

It was Era who now placed a hand atop mine. “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I lied. You deserved so much more. You deserved to have had the real me.” I gave her a small smile. “I think you would’ve liked him.”

“I liked you just as you were,” she said quietly. “I didn’t like how closed off you were…didn’t like how cold you could be. But I loved you, regardless. You saved me from my family. I’ll always be grateful for that.” Her hand slipped away. “I …I just need time—time to adjust to all of this.”

“I understand,” I whispered.

She winced, rubbing at her temples. “I'd like to be alone now if you don't mind.”

I nodded, then stood to give her the space she needed.

My friends—because yes, I considered them all my friends—stared at me, at Lena, with mixed faces when I returned. Era wasn’t present; she still wished to remain alone until we were leaving.

I settled my gaze on my men. “I’m sorry I lied to you all.”

Edmund shook his head, eyes wide. “Don’t be, man. I mean, it makes sense.” His eyes went to Lena. “It makes sense why you had a change of heart.”

“No wonder you wanted to kick my ass all the time,” Roland teased, a half-smile pulling on his face.

For the first time in years, I smiled back at him. His own dropped in shock as he looked at me.

I needed to apologize to him, not just for the treatment recently, but for years of resentment.

I glanced at Hendry, who also wore a happy expression. “I’m happy to see the old you peering through.” I could swear I saw a gleam in his eyes. “I missed him.”

I sucked in my lips because damn him for making me feel emotional. I glanced back at Roland.

“Can I talk to you?”

He blinked. “Yeah. Of course.”

I turned to Lena, brushing my hand down her arm. “Wait to discuss our plans moving forward until I return.”

She nodded, her smile encouraging and her eyes gentle.

Roland’s hands went inside his pockets, his legs nervously bouncing as he sat beside me on a bench outside of the temple. The warm, summertime air blew past us, ruffling his brown hair.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

His brows drew together. “For what? I understand why you've been mad. I was intimate with the love of you—”

“For how I treated you… after, ” I interrupted.

His eyebrows raised, and he offered me a shy smile. “It’s okay, Silas.”

“No.” I shook my head, turning to face him. “It’s really not.”

I hesitated, but then I told him everything. I told him about my mixed feelings from back then.

I told him of the many beatings.

And then…I told him of the rape.

“My Gods…” Roland breathed after I had finished my story, his eyes overflowing with tears. “I had no idea.”

“Regardless of what happened to me, you were my friend. You were there when I needed someone. I never thanked you for it. You didn't deserve my cruelty.”

His cheeks flushed, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “You weren't cruel to me.” The corner of his lip turned up. “You were an ass.”

A small smile formed on my face, but it quickly fell. “Why did you stay by my side?” I asked, my eyes searching his. “After all I did to you?”

He shrugged. “I just figured you were going through an identity crisis of some sort. I wasn’t going to hold it against you.”

“After years ?”

He gave me a soft smile. “Even after years…I thought it was ‘cause you…maybe you liked men and didn’t want to admit it because of your father. But you and Lena? Everything your father put you through? I would’ve never guessed any of it.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “I’m sorry I was intimate with her.”

“Don’t be. She needed that. Deserved it. And you probably did, too.”

His eyes fell to the ground as he dragged his bottom lip through his teeth. “I thought your anger at my flirting with her was because you were jealous I was giving her attention.” He snorted and gave me an embarrassed smile. “I read that whole thing wrong. Well, right, but in the wrong way.”

My shoulders slumped, and my head fell. “I’m really sorry, Roland.”

“She’s special,” he expressed quietly, the corners of his lips raised.

“She is.” I glanced up at him again. “I just…I hope we can be friends again,” I said sincerely. “I am a broken person. But I’m really trying to be better.”

His eyes flickered. “I’ve always considered you my friend.” His smile softened. “Plus, we’re all a little broken.”

“We need to go to Temple Ravaiana. Kayin spoke to me up in the sanctuary,” Lena said softly. Everyone looked at her. “We are going to need a necromancer to bring back Kayin…maybe…I’m not sure.” She shook her head. “But perhaps we can find some answers there.”

“And if we don’t?” Torrin asked. “Where to after that?”

“We need to warn those in Faltrun and Forsmont the truth about Ulric. Everyone needs to know,” Dani stated.

“So, we teleport there?” Elowen asked.

Lena pondered on it. “Teleporting takes too much energy. It’d push reaching the temple out a few days, and I want to get there as soon as possible.”

“I can go,” Dani offered. “Plus, I miss my brother. I can stop in Forsmont, then Faltrun. The mountain, too, if you wish.”

“I’ll go with,” Valter interjected from the hallway.

“What?” Lena breathed, turning to face him.

His shoulders lifted. “You’re right. We have stood by the sidelines for far too long.” His eyes flashed to Dani. “I already spoke with Kismet. I can come with you and tell your folks about Nereida. Perhaps even bring some to our home for safety—the children.”

My stomach sank at his words, thinking of little Saoirse.

Viola said, “Should I come with?”

Dani gave her a lazy smile. “They’ll need your shifting abilities, babe. Don’t worry.” She nudged her hips into Valter, who gave her raised brows. “Valt and I got this.”

“Where should we plan on meeting?” Elowen questioned, crossing her golden-brown arms. “Depending on what we do or do not find out at the temple.”

Merrick’s glare was almost more frightening while his eyes were still icy blue. Almost.

I supposed his bitterness came from feeling Erabella’s emotions…or perhaps us hurting her really angered him .

I was still unsure if there was anything between the two of them, but it seemed more and more like there was.

“Let's meet back on the mountain,” Lena stated. “I need to talk to Immeron about all we learned. I'll teleport us there after we explore Temple Ravaiana.”

Everyone agreed.

“Then we shall leave in the morning.”