Page 74 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Seventy-Four

MERRICK

I stepped out to one of the many balconies in Temple Tithara, where I finally located Era, her hands tightly gripping the white railing. I felt every bit of the betrayal, hurt, and shock that she felt. I wanted to turn it off, the feeling unbearably unpleasant, but I knew if she saw me with my darkened eyes, saw me using my gift, she would know I understood.

“Era,” I said softly, touching her arm. She shrugged me off.

“You knew.” Her voice was hoarse as she turned to glare at me, unreleased tears just begging to spill out. “You fucking knew all this time. Everything that happened in the Valley…was it because you felt guilty?”

“What?! Of course not.” I grasped her hands in mine, and when she tried to pull away, I tightened my grip. “It was with great effort I kept that a secret, especially from you. ”

I laced my fingers in hers, and she bit her lip, tears finally overflowing as she gazed out at the ocean, the sunlight sparkling across the waves.

“I told you before when we were trapped there that you deserve something real , not just some mutual agreement.”

She let out a humorless laugh. “And, what?” Those beautiful brown eyes burned into mine. “I deserve you ?” She pulled her hands away while giving me a skeptical expression. “How are you any better than Silas? Continuing to stay with Viola when you’ve slept with me?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I took a deep breath as I recalled our time together in the Valley of Awakening, as I recalled her writhing beneath me, her moaning my name.

The truth was this. Era and I were not in the Valley of Awakening for a few hours.

We were there for forty-three days.

I wasn’t sure we’d ever escape. And as the days passed—as we grew closer, I couldn’t deny my feelings for her any longer. Nor could she.

But when we finally were released, after so much time with one another, she grew cold, distant. I knew she felt guilt for it, not knowing the Prince had already betrayed their marriage first.

She crossed her arms and turned to face the sea once more. “You are all the same,” she muttered.

I paused, then placed my hand on the small of her back. “You were unfaithful just as I was,” I said quietly. “You can’t help who you fall in love with, even if it’s wrong. Even if you can’t have them.”

“I am not in love with you,” she seethed.

In moments like these, I was grateful for my gift .

“I know when you are lying, Erabella,” I uttered softly into her ear from behind.

She slowly turned around and hesitated before pushing me hard. I stumbled back, and she cried as she pushed me again. I didn’t stop her as she started punching my chest over and over, sobbing as she did so.

After repeatedly hitting me, eventually, she broke down in tears, and I pulled her close. She wept in my arms, and I ran my hand along her back in a soothing motion.

“You aren’t in love with me ,” she cried into my chest.

“Yes, yes, I am,” I assured her, and I kissed the top of her head. “I ended things with Viola just before the ball.”

She sniffed, her head shooting up to me. “You did?”

I nodded. She leaned her head back further, her ochre eyes bouncing between my darkened ones. Her lip trembled. “Why?”

My brows furrowed. “What do you mean, why? It’s you I love.” I slid my hand into her hair, and her face crumpled. “It’s you I want,” I whispered. “You must know that.”

“If you loved me,” her voice broke, “you would have told me. Do you know how humiliating that was for me? Do you have any idea?”

I knew my eyes were still darkened. “I know exactly how you feel, Era. That’s why it fucking kills me. It kills me that I made this mistake.” I kissed the top of her head again, holding my lips there for a moment. “I was worried I’d hurt you more than help. But it’s no excuse. I should have told you.”

“When you found me when I left the ball, when I had finally noticed something going on between Silas and Lena, you still didn’t tell me. ”

I stroked her back. “I thought that maybe you’d be happy he was fancying her…because it meant you could be with me.”

She shook in my grasp. “You lied to me for Lena.”

I frowned, pulling away to read Era better. Her tearful brown eyes seared into mine.

Jealousy.

“I love Lena, Era. I do.”

A sneer overcame her, and she went to turn away when I grasped her arms fully.

“But my feelings for her, platonic as they are, do not even compare to what I feel for you. Not even close.”

“You chose her, just as Silas did. You can say the sweetest things, but at the end of the day, your actions showed me exactly how you feel about me.” She tugged her arms away, but still, I held her tight. “Now let me go,” she snarled.

“Name what I can do to regain your trust, and I will do it. Yell at me, hit me, do what you wish with me. But do not shut me out.” My hands slid down to hers, gripping her wrists tightly. “Ask me anything, and you will know if it’s the truth. I showed you that power in the Valley. I've never shown anyone I can do that.”

“Let me go!” she cried.

“No! Don’t shut me out again!” My voice broke. “Please, Era. We don’t have to hide what we have anymore if we don’t wish to. Don’t go.”

I hated the emotion I felt from her. Though I knew she loved me, one other feeling was undeniable…so strong that it overpowered them all.

Resentment.

“You and I have nothing, ” she seethed . “Nothing, Merrick.”

And she meant it .

At a loss for words and with a pain in my chest, I finally released her. She jerked away and stood frozen before she trekked back into the temple.

I should have told her. Over a month alone, and still, I had kept it a secret. She had told me so much about herself over those forty-three days, and I had told her things about me that no one knew.

And now I had ruined it all…all for Lena.

Fuck!

I gripped the balcony railing, trembling. How could’ve I messed this up so badly?