Page 53 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Fifty-Three

LEN A

I sobbed into my hands after Silas left the room, never having felt so awful in my life.

I felt disgusting. I felt so, so ashamed.

Era had become my friend. She had been nothing but kind to me, and I slept with her husband.

Slept with her husband only a few days after I had a threesome with two of our other friends.

I cried harder. What the fuck was wrong with me? Both sexual experiences were…blissful. Fantastic, if I was being honest. But both times, I was left feeling empty…and alone.

“Your hatred pales in comparison to the loathing I feel towardyou now.”

He hates me, and rightfully so. I shouldn’t have told him my feelings. I shouldn’t have eagerly removed my robe and did everything he asked of me.

I hated that I loved him. Hated him for not being able to have him. And he hated me for the same reason.

How would I face him tomorrow? Face Era? Face Merrick, Torrin, or Roland?

I was a whore.

I wished to cry myself to sleep, but I needed to wash myself, even though I knew I wouldn't feel any less disgusting.

I was standing in the burning hot stream an hour later, silently crying. Try as I might, I was unable to fall asleep, unable to quiet the voices in my head despite my emotional exhaustion. The sting the water gave was a small comfort, distracting me from the war waging in my mind. Once I was ready to pass out, I stepped out. Wringing out my hair and drying my body, I threw on a large cotton T-shirt. I slipped on a pair of underwear and stopped before my bed.

I felt gross even looking at the sheets.

Maybe I should go downstairs and drink away my sorrows.

The thought was intriguing, but I didn’t wish to face anyone. Speak to anyone. So, I hesitantly climbed into bed, wrapping myself in the thick comforter.

I stared at the ceiling for a while, eyes leaking.

I was Supreme of Ames. I had a duty to save my people. My heart ached for a man I couldn't have, and the distress was distracting me.

My eyes traveled across the bedroom, and as I was just about to call it quits and go to sleep, my crossbody caught my eye. Specifically, the grimoire tucked inside.

I padded over, lifting the heavy book, and fingered through its pages .

I was about to stop, ready to rest my mind, when the spell on the final page spoke to me.

Oblivisci.

Quickly, I ran to my dresser, slipping a bra on underneath my shirt and pulling on some pants. This spell required help, and I knew exactly who I was going to ask.

I rushed to his room and pounded on the door, and my silver-haired friend came rushing, rubbing his eyes. Viola came scuttling behind him, holding her robe firmly in place.

“Lena?” he whispered.

“I need your help, Merrick.”