Page 52 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Fifty-Two

SILAS

H er tongue on my neck was enough for me to spill into her easily, but I wanted to enjoy this for as long as I could. I knew that the moment this was over, reality would hit me like never before.

I was cheating on my wife.

I held Lena close as I buried myself inside her, over and over and over again. Her pussy clenched around me, so tight, warm, and wet. I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want my reality to be what it was. Her…it was always supposed to be her .

I couldn’t stop my anger from growing. I knew I had no right. I knew it wasn’t her fault. But she left me, lied to me, and I was in this fucked up situation because of it.

I pulled back again, breathing heavily as I stared into those big, green eyes.

I hate you, she had told me .

Did she truly? Did she resent my moving on to the point of hatred?

Did I hate her?

She grabbed the back of my neck and forcefully pulled my lips to hers, and I decided to hell with the difficult thoughts; I was going to enjoy fucking her, consequences be damned.

Lena’s desperate moans were always the most beautiful sound. And the way she looked at me…despite our hurt, our resentments, there was longing there. The feel of each other's body was our lifeline. Every touch was an indulgence. The euphoria that even a brush of her fingers provided was far stronger than what any drug or drink could offer me. Except with her, the high of each relapse was just as satisfying as the first.

I couldn’t get enough of her. I wasn’t ready for the come down…for the withdrawal.

As if sensing my dread, Lena’s hand slid to my cheek, her lips parted as she breathed heavily.

I was not a good man. I wasn’t deserving of her comfort. My mind kept repeating the same mantra.

Hurt her. Make her hate you.

I was being selfish, enjoying her body like this. Though I supposed I was hurting her, giving her a taste of what we both could not have.

I flipped her onto her stomach, then grasped her hips, pulling her ass to my pelvis and thrusting my dick into her tight heat. I gripped her neck and forced her upward, her back pressed against my chest, her head resting on my shoulder.

“I’m happy you hate me, Flower,” I murmured in her ear. “And I’m fucking glad I ruined every man for you. Now you have a taste of what I’ve felt every day for the last five years. ”

I slid my thumb into my mouth before cupping her breast from behind. I grinned as I watched her shudder, my wet finger circling her pink nipple. A second orgasm rippled through her, a throaty groan tearing from her lungs.

I placed her on her back again, wishing to see her beautiful face as I finished.

I kissed her again, slowly, with intention, knowing once this was finished, nothing would be the same. “I want you to come one more time, Flower.”

She nodded breathlessly, kissing me again.

There were no words spoken as we finished, as I gazed into those beautiful meadow eyes, as I angled myself to hit that spot that would make her come harder than she ever had.

Her body was made for mine. Despite our time apart, I knew it better than anyone could. Better than Roland. Better than Torrin.

Lena’s eyes rolled back as she screamed, her inner walls contracting around my length, squeezing me tightly. I wanted to come inside her, but I instead pulled out, slapping my cock against her swollen clit as she squirted a second time, wailing in ecstasy. The sight of her, the most beautiful woman in the world, writhing beneath me was all I needed to find my own release. My cock throbbed, and I groaned, borderline fucking whimpered, as I had the most intense orgasm of my life, spilling myself all over her belly and breasts.

I took a few shaky breaths, clarity finally washing over me, and I lifted my stare to Lena’s.

Her chest was rising and falling, her panicked eyes searching my own.

My hands shook, and I felt an awful pit in my chest.

How could I do such a thing?

I felt my lip tremble.

“Silas—” Lena started, but I pushed myself off her, retrieving my undergarments and pants. She sat up, watching me with a shameful gaze.

Once my pants were on, I rushed over to the washroom, fetching a cloth to clean her with.

I couldn't look in her eyes. Couldn’t accept what I did.

She kept still as I cleaned her flawless body, my body tense as I wiped my arousal off of her chest.

I am a horrible, awful person.

But I knew that already, didn’t I? Of all the atrocities I had committed, it was no surprise I’d fuck this up too.

My hands shook as I withdrew my hand and the cloth, placing it back in the bathroom.

I had never been unfaithful…that was one thing I took pride in.

Fucking hell…

When I reemerged, buttoning up my shirt, I finally met eyes with my best friend.

Tears were streaming down her face as she clutched the bedsheet, covering her body.

My hands slowly fell to my sides when I buttoned the final button.

I hated seeing her like this…broken because of me.

But I was broken, too.

I was broken, too.

Hurt her. Make her hate you.

“Do you still hate me?” I asked in a low voice, and I hated myself for the words that came out next. “Because your hatred pales in comparison to the loathing I feel toward you now.” Lena’s face crumpled, and I stepped closer toward the bed as my frown deepened. “ You consume all of me, Lena. You are my waking thought and the final picture I see before I sleep. You are a siren that haunts my dreams. It's been that way since the moment I met you.” I sighed in defeat. “There’s not a damn second you aren’t on my mind.”

“Silas,” she cried softly.

“You represent all that I could ever desire…and all I can never have.” My voice cracked as I whispered, “You have destroyed me…and I resent you for it.”

And I fucking hated myself when her response was a choked sob…hated myself for leaving without another word.

I took in a drag of the dagga I purchased at a local tavern, its warmth filling my chest. I noticed the Mages surrounding me, watching me with curious eyes. Apparently, there was an altercation here a few nights ago, and the Mages decided this business was theirs, Deana backing the takeover.

“Long day?”

My eyes shot to the side to see Dani, who sat beside me at the bar, her bright blue eyes looking at me without her pupils. I was happy everyone felt comfortable showing their true selves now, at least here.

I blew out the smoke. “Long life,” I muttered.

A crease formed between her brows, but she raised a hand to the worker, who nodded and rolled her a joint. We sat there in silence, Dani eventually taking in her own drag.

“What happened?” she asked .

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, then ran my hand down my face. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It wasn’t something I could talk about in any capacity, so I took another hit instead.

Dani tilted her head to the side, a smile creeping across her face. “This have anything to do with you being in love with Lena?”

I choked on the smoke, then whirled my head toward her. She let out a chuckle, bringing the rolled herbs to her lips. “Sometimes I’m convinced everyone is fucking blind except me.”

I tightened my lips and frowned. “How could you tell?”

She ran her hand through the ends of her long, cobalt hair. “The way you two are constantly fucking each other with your eyes is the biggest giveaway.”

I winced, and she continued, “How quickly she was willing to forfeit her life for yours in Forsmont and vice versa in the battle a few days ago.”

My heartbeat quickened. “You haven’t said…haven’t told—”

“No.” She placed her joint in the glass bowl set before us. “Human, Mage, Warlock, what have you—our feelings are complex. Difficult. I don’t hold judgment toward you for feeling a certain way. Feelings like that…it’s not something we can control.” She leaned on her knuckles as I took a final hit, mild euphoria coursing through my veins, and watched as I placed my dagga in the glass bowl. “I want to be with Viola, even though she’s with Merrick.”

I raised my brows. “You don’t say,” I said sarcastically, and she playfully slapped my arm.

“Yeah, I know I’m even more obvious than you.” Her smile faded. “So, what happened?”

Guilt wracked me. My shoulders slumped, and I just shook my head. “I just…I don’t know what to do.”

“Why did you marry Era?”

I frowned. “I was required to be married. I connected with her that day and just went for it.”

“That day?!” Dani asked incredulously. “You met and married her that day ?”

“Proposed the same day,” I corrected. “Married the next.”

“Shit,” she chuckled, her eyes red and glassy from the drugs. “You humans are odd.”

“Royalty is odd. Normal humans don’t do it like that…usually, anyway.”

“You ever been in any relationships before her?”

My whole body tensed. “Does it matter?”

“Well, if you haven’t had any experience, perhaps you are being led by lust.”

I gave her a lazy smile. “I’m plenty experienced.”

She raised her hands, a grin on her face. “Just checking.” She laughed softly, then sipped on the drink that the bartender gave her—free of charge, it seemed—as the man offered her a flirtatious wink. She returned it, and when he stepped away, she rolled her eyes.

“So…Vi, huh?”

“She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” She shrugged, sipping the drink and making a pleasantly surprised expression at its apparent palatability. “She’s strong. Smart.” She sighed. “Merrick is great, but I don’t feel they’re that into each other.”

“Really?” I asked, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms.

“To be honest, I think he fancies your wife.”

My playful grin disappeared. “What? ”

“Don’t go saying anything. It’s just a feeling I get. Then again, your wife has that sort of elegant beauty. He’s probably just in awe of it.”

I chuckled. “Are you?”

“She’s stunning. Not my type.” She winked, then purred, “Don’t worry, I won’t steal her away.”

I laughed, but despite the drugs coursing through my system, my emotions came flooding back. Why does the thought of her being with someone else not bother me that much? Yet the thought of Lena with Roland, with Torrin, with both Roland and Torrin…

I leaned my head back and loosened a breath. I said such terrible shit to her, things I didn’t mean. And the look on her face…

I wanted to fuck her like a wild animal. And I did just that, but the desperation I felt wasn’t simple carnal desire. I wanted all of her. I wanted to love on her, make her feel good.

And all I did was fuck her and leave. Left her with tears running down her face.

“Can I offer some advice?” Dani asked softly.

I tilted my head to her and nodded.

“Being honest will always be the best, even if it hurts others. Even if it hurts you.” Her gaze didn’t falter. “And with everything going on, with our lives coming so close to ending countless times now…” She let out a sigh. “I think you would have more regrets not saying how you truly feel. Not doing what your heart tells you.”

My eyes fell to my lap. “It isn’t so simple,” I whispered.

“Love never is. But if you’re unhappy, Era deserves to be free.” She placed a gentle hand on my arm, and my eyes slid to meet her tender stare. “And you deserve to be as well.”

I held her eyes for a few moments before she threw back the rest of her drink and walked off .

I stayed sitting there for a few moments, feeling calmer now, my head somehow clearer, despite the drug warming my body.

I had to go back upstairs.