Page 54 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Fifty-Fou r

MERRICK

T hree hours earlier

I took a steady breath before knocking on Erabella's bedroom door, my now old bow resting on my shoulder. I hoped she and Silas weren't getting it on, but considering I didn't feel any emotions like that coming from behind the door, I figured I was in the clear.

The lock clicked, and Era's eyes widened as she beheld me. My sight trailed down her frame, noting the oversized shirt she wore, no pants.

No bra.

Dear Gods, I was going to faint.

“Hey,” she breathed, eyes going down to the bow in my hand. She raised her brow.

I cleared my throat. “Silas in there?”

“No, he went to talk to Torrin earlier. I'm not sure where he is now.”

My lips curved into a half-grin. “Can I come in?”

Color stained her cheeks. “I'm not sure that's a good—”

I strode forward anyway, and she stepped aside, rolling her eyes. “What's the point of asking if you're going to do what you want anyway?”

“To be polite,” I replied, placing the bow in the corner of the room against the wall.

“Why'd you bring that?” She stepped forward and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I'm giving it to you.”

Her mouth dropped open. “What? Why?”

“Lena brought me back a crossbow, remember? I figured you could benefit from my bow since I'll be using the new weapon.”

She clicked her tongue. “Figures you'd give me the old model.”

“Now, now,” I smirked. “Don't be ungrateful.”

She laughed softly, focusing her gaze on her new bow. “Does it still shoot ice arrows?”

“Yup. So long as I charge it, anyway.”

Her smile slowly faded. “Thank you, Merrick…that is so kind.”

The tension in this room, our locked gazes…it set my skin ablaze.

She was so beautiful.

“Anything for you,” I murmured.

Her cheeks became redder, her eyes dipping to my lips, trailing along my jaw, along my body.

“If you really meant that,” she whispered, her lips curving into a smile, “you'd give me your new bow.”

I chuckled, my eyes greedily taking her in, fixated on those long, tanned legs. “So unappreciative.”

Her smile turned playful. “I am oh so appreciative of the out-of-date model.”

“Smartass,” I muttered, my eyes playfully flicking up to meet hers.

She swallowed, skittishly tucking her hair behind her ear. Her eyes darted to the door, her nerves bleeding into mine.

She was anxious about Silas returning with me still in her room.

I crept closer to her, and she released a breath, stumbling back a step.

I halted.

“I-I'm sorry…” she began, then shook her head.

I stepped forward again, and she retreated, eyes pleading.

“I can't, Merrick,” she whispered.

Another step forward. “Can't what?” I asked, my voice low.

She backed up again, finding her back against the door. She angled her face upward, panting as she stared at me.

Her desire flooded through me, heightening mine to the point I was breathing heavily, too.

“You…you should go,” she whispered.

I tilted my head to the side, leaning in close. My lips brushed the shell of her ear as I murmured, “You're the one blocking the door.”

Her eyes fluttered shut, goosebumps spreading across her bronzed skin. Her nipples were begging for my attention, hardened under that dark shirt.

I raised my hand, my movement languid as I caressed her cheek, dragging my thumb along that plump bottom lip of hers.

Her eyes were heavy when she opened them, and desire ruled her. She propelled forward, pressing her lips against mine.

My heart raced, and my hand slipped from her cheek to grasp her waist. Our mouths parted this time, and as my tongue slid against hers, she moaned softly into my mouth.

She tasted like heaven, like strawberries and cream. I knew then I was addicted—no going back. I wanted to taste her daily…taste other places.

I pressed into her, deepening our kiss just as Erabella's hands weaved into my hair. I trailed mine lower, my hand grasping her breast, and she jerked back, her lips vacating mine.

“Merrick—no…I can't,” she gasped.

Her hands were still tangled in my hair.

I released her breast, my hand sliding to her waist to join the other. My breathing became labored, our lips still hovering over one another.

“I'm sorry.” I winced. “I'm finding it difficult to keep my hands away from you.”

Her eyes dropped to my lips, then back. Again and again, her mind battled between right and wrong. Want and need. Loyalty and infidelity.

“I've never felt so strongly for someone, never have felt want quite like this before,” I admitted breathlessly. I wanted to kiss her again, but I left that decision up to her.

Her right hand slid out of my hair, gently cupping my cheek as she gazed up at me. “What do you feel when you read me?”

I had been reading her this entire time. “Desire. Fear. Guilt.”

She wet her lips, her thumb now tracing over my lip ring. “That's all?”

I knew what other emotion she was asking about, but I didn't want to acknowledge it.

Her voice was small as she asked, “Do you feel it for me?”

Yes, of course I do!

I wanted to scream it, shout it to everyone I knew. But that emotion…

“It frightens me,” I answered honestly.

Her eyes welled with tears, and she nodded slowly. “Me too,” she said quietly. “Mostly because…because…”

Guilt hit her so hard that I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight. She broke down into my chest, desire fading as the other emotions took precedence.

“Don't cry,” I whispered, my own lip wobbling from her emotions overtaking mine. “I'm sorry…I don't wish to hurt you.”

She cried harder, fisting my robe's fabric into her hands.

“I'm…I'm so confused,” she sobbed loudly.

“Hey.” I pulled back, holding her crumpling face in my hands. Tears streamed down my cheeks—tears from her emotions, not my own. “Don't blame yourself. It's my fault. I came here. I initiated.”

She went to shake her head, looking away, but I dragged her focus back to me.

“Era—”

“I shouldn't feel this way,” she whispered. “I'm married. I-I shouldn't…I can't…”

Anger washed over me, knowing she felt this guilt when her husband desired another, a desire that surpassed what she felt for me.

“Who says you shouldn't?” I challenged. “You married him without even knowing him. Is it such a surprise it isn't working out?”

She swallowed, and her offense took me aback. She hauled her hands away, crossing her arms. “Get out.”

I sighed, pulling back and rubbing my forehead. “Era—”

“I said get out!” she yelled, hurrying away from the door. “I-I don't want this. I don't want you. ”

I swallowed, my heart shattering as I turned to her. My eyes skated between hers, waiting for her to change her mind, but she didn't.

I laughed humorlessly through my nose, then stormed out, despite knowing those last words were a lie.

I stomped back into my room just as Viola was exiting the shower, her braids up and in a bun on top of her head, a towel secured around her torso. “Everything okay?” she asked, noticing my irate demeanor.

I sighed, flinging my robe off, my pants and boots the only thing underneath.

Gods, I was frustrated.

Why couldn't Viola feel the way Era did for me? Why didn't she have that overwhelming lust when she stared into my eyes?

Viola was stunning—perfect in every regard. We'd been friends for years. I'd die for her. But emotionally, I wasn't connected to her like I was with Era.

Perhaps I would have been had she not made it clear we were fuck buddies and nothing more.

“I'm fine. Just tired,” I fibbed, sitting on the bed and undoing my boots .

“I feel that.” She plopped herself down next to me on the mattress. “Better rest up. It's our last evening before being on the road again.”

I tossed my boot on the floor, unlacing the other one. “Good idea,” I grumbled.

She didn't initiate anything sexual that night, and I was grateful for it.

I felt her before she even reached my door. My heart felt like it was being torn out of my chest, causing me to jolt up in the bed.

“W-what’s wrong?” Vi asked groggily, rubbing her eyes as she shot up.

I clutched my chest, squeezing my eyes shut as I attempted to shut out the feelings.

This had been happening more. Other’s feelings bleeding into my own without me tuning into my gift…but why?

Viola gripped my shoulder, her violet eyes trailing over me with concern before a knock at our door caused her attention to shift.

I knew who it was. Could feel it. I shuffled out of the bedsheets, grasped the bronze door handle, and opened it to see Lena.

Her big, green eyes were bloodshot, tears trailing down her cheeks. Her lip trembled as she clutched Potestas Verae Maleficis .

“Lena,” I whispered, and I felt my own eyes well with tears.

“I need your help, Merrick,” she cried softly .

I didn’t know what she meant. My brows drew together just as Viola reached my side, her eyes enlarging as she took in our friend's broken form.

“What happened?” Vi pressed. “Are you alright?”

But Lena’s eyes remained on mine, and in those moments of silence, I understood. I knew this had something to do with Silas and knew I couldn't say anything.

“Come in,” I said gently, stepping aside.

She gave a thankful nod, eyes going to the grimoire in her arms as she entered our room. Fingering through the pages, she opened it up to a spell called Oblivisci.

“Here,” she sniffled.

My head shot up from the page when I realized what this spell was for. “You want to erase your memories?”

She nodded, and I shook my head in protest.

“That’s just ludicrous, Lena. You need to remem—”

My eyes darted to Viola and back to Lena. Unspoken words were exchanged within our gazes, words I couldn’t say around our friend.

“I won’t forget it all,” she said quietly. “Just what hurts. I can’t be the best leader if I am haunted by…”

Viola’s frown deepened, and she looked to me for answers. I couldn’t give them.

“Vi, can you give Lena and me some privacy? Just for a few?”

Viola slowly nodded, and I stared at the pages as she quickly got dressed and left, not before Lena blurted out to her, “Actually, can you bring me Dani?”

The bars were still booming, and I could hear the ruckus even from here. If it were Era going out now, all alone, I’d be nervous. But Viola could rip off someone’s head. She could take care of herself amongst predators.

Viola responded, “Of course.”

Once the door was closed, Lena knelt on the ground. “We first have to draw this symbol on the floor,” her voice wobbled, fetching chalk that was tucked into her bra. She motioned for me to hand over the book, and I obliged.

“I’ll stand in it once it's done. We chant Oblivisci together and focus our illusion magic on the symbols.”

“If you’re having Vi get Dani, why do you even need me?”

Lena’s slim finger brushed the page and pointed to a specific text. “The spell castor must also know the memory that’s to be forgotten. Be thinking of it.”

And that’s when she told me everything. Told me of memories of her and Silas’s romance when they were young. Told me of their encounter in the tent. Told me of their encounter tonight.

“I know what you must be thinking of me…that I am a terrible person.”

Knowing my resentment toward my father was left unsaid. Vicsin was unfaithful to my mother, and it destroyed her.

I studied her, still trying to process it all. I felt my own anger, anger toward the situation, anger for Era. Even though I had kissed her, she was truly innocent in all of this.

But damn this gift, because I felt everything Lena did, too. I felt her shame. I felt her heartbreak. I felt her love for Silas, just as I had felt his love for her.

This situation wasn’t simple. It wasn’t black and white. Still, if I could help her forget, perhaps removing the temptation would help her heal. Help her focus .

Vi returned with Dani a few moments later. The Warlock’s blue gaze found Lena’s, her brows scrunching together.

“I just want to ensure Merrick does this spell properly.” Lena sniffed, handing Dani Potestas Verae Maleficis .

Her eyes shot wide, her gaze lifting to Lena. “Can I speak with Lena alone?”

“Pretty sure you can say anything around me,” I commented, toying with my piercing.

Lena nodded. “Merrick stays.”

Viola groaned, throwing her arms up. “Really? I have to leave again ?”

“I’ll come fetch you right after, babe," Dani replied with a lazy smile.

I narrowed my eyes at her little nickname just as Vi rolled her own, exiting the room once more.

“So…” Dani drawled after the door shut, her eyebrow raised at Lena. “I can say anything in front of Merrick?”

“He knows everything about me,” Lena insisted. “He’s always safe.”

I felt warmth bloom in my chest from her comment, and Dani hesitantly lifted her eyes to mine before focusing on Lena again. “Why is it you want to erase your memories? Which memories?”

“Memories that are holding me back…distracting me.”

Dani's eyes constricted. “Is this about the Prince?”

Mine and Lena's eyes flared, shooting at each other. Lena scoffed, attempting to play it off. “What are you talking about?”

Dani rolled her eyes. “You and Silas are both terrible liars.” She plopped the book on the nightstand beside the bed and crossed her arms. “Let’s just say I’m an excellent reader of vibes and can tell who it is people are truly desiring.” Her eyes slid to mine, and she gave me a knowing, fleeting look.

What the hell does she mean by that?

Before I could think more about it, she diverted her attention to Lena. “Look, clearly whatever happened tonight has both you and the Prince shaken up. I don’t think it’s healthy to go down this route.”

Lena’s lip curled. “I am not asking for your advice,” she damn near snarled.

The corners of Dani’s eyes tightened, and I added gently, “There’s a lot you don’t know.”

Dani propped a hand on her hip. “So, tell me.”

“This spell doesn’t last forever," Lena groused. "It can be undone. Why are you making this so difficult?”

“How do you think he’ll feel if you do this?” Dani challenged.

“He didn’t care how he made me feel when he fucked me and proceeded to tell me how he loathed me. How I have destroyed him.”

Color stained Dani’s cheeks, her jaw falling open.

“I shouldn’t have done it,” Lena whispered with broken rage. “It was a mistake. I know that. I just…I need to focus on saving my people. Not on this. Not on him.”

Dani blinked over and over before her mouth snapped shut, and she nodded gravely. Opening up Potestas Verae Maleficis , she flipped to the page with the necessary spell.

“This spell needs maintenance, meaning the spellcaster will need to repeat it every so often. That’s why the person performing it must also know of the memories wishing to be banished—to keep them away.”

“A magical tether is not enough,” Lena mumbled .

Dani's eyes remained scanning the page. “That's correct. Merrick will have to repeat this with you every month.”