Page 26 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Twenty-Six

SILAS

L eroy was hunched over, a drink in hand and eyes unfocused as he sat before the fireplace when I entered his study.

I knew how he was feeling. Exactly how. I opened and closed my hands at my sides a few times, unsure if I should even attempt to console him.

Leroy, in the short time I’d known him, had been friendly. Upbeat. Hopeful. I saw no hint of that man now.

And I related.

I slowly made my way to his side, sitting in the armchair beside him. The flames before him reflected in his vacant eyes.

I didn’t know if he noticed me sitting next to him until he spoke, his voice a broken whisper as he said, “I’m lost.”

My eyebrows raised, shocked that the Warlock was speaking to me about his feelings. Then again, I had purposely come to find him to see how he was doing. I felt a burning sensation behind my eyes and quickly inhaled, caressing my thighs to distract myself. I didn’t cry. Not anymore.

But in Leroy, in his pain, I saw myself.

“The love of my life died five years ago,” I said solemnly, and Leroy’s saddened gaze found mine, his eyebrows drawn together. “I blamed myself for the longest time. Her death appeared to be arson, and it happened just days after my mother’s passing.”

My eyes slid to the fire before me. “I still remember the feeling. I still remember the smell of her burnt house and the sight of her lifeless body. She was in my arms, in my embrace, only hours prior. I couldn’t understand how so much could change so quickly, how my life could fall apart so fast.”

I turned to him, tears sliding down his tired face. “We believed Mages to be responsible for both her and my mother's deaths. I let that information destroy me. Let the pain turn me into someone I didn’t recognize. Someone I hated.”

I took in a shaky breath. I had never spoken about this to anyone.

“I did her a disservice by becoming the man I am today. Don’t let it happen to you.”

I stood, my heartbeat pounding rapidly from speaking about my emotions. But as I moved to leave, Leroy grasped my wrist.

“Your reputation is less than sparkling,” he said. “But the man you showed me today? Fighting against your kingdom, your home, and surely some of your friends to fight alongside innocents? That is a man worth following. A man I am sure the love of your life would be proud of.”

The burning now spread to my throat. I bit down on my lip, breathing slowly, and gave him a thankful nod .

He released my wrist, eyes going back to the fire. I wished I could be more consoling. Wished I could offer more help.

Instead, I left a large portion of our remaining gold on his kitchen table as I exited his study. I still admired how humble he lived, how the part of the castle that was his home was so modest.

Quin was sitting on the floor, holding a doll for his little sisters, his eyes just as lost as his father’s.

He glanced up at me as I was getting ready to walk out. “You lost your mom too, haven’t you?” he asked quietly.

He looked so broken…and in him, I saw myself, too. It was like this war was taking my demons and shoving them right in my face.

I nodded. “I did.”

His jaw flexed. Leroy's second youngest child, Phoebe, gazed at me with big eyes. She gave me a toothy grin, completely unaware of the loss she had just experienced.

Fuck, it gave me another pang in my chest. “I know how painful it is,” I said gently. “How unfair it is.”

The door cracked open, and Dani stepped in, carrying Leroy's youngest baby against her chest. Dani’s tearful eyes met mine.

“Where’s mommy?” their other little girl, Sera, asked. “Why are you crying, Auntie Dani? Does your tummy hurt?”

I turned to Quin, clasping his shoulder. “I can’t bring your mother back. I wish I could,” I said quietly. “But I promise you, when this war ends, you and your family will never have to hide who you are again. You will know no fear. You will be safe.”

Quin’s face crumpled, and I couldn’t take anymore. I passed Dani, unable to meet her eyes, and left their residence.

Our group was quiet as we readied the horses the following morning. While this battle was technically a win, it was impossible not to feel the weight of all the losses that accompanied it.

We needed to get to Faltrun and gather their support as soon as possible.

Era was especially quiet that evening, and she and I turned in early, holding each other as we fell asleep. With each passing day, it was harder and harder to be intimate with her. Between the stress and Lena's presence, I found myself avoiding my wife's touch and instead finishing myself in the shower.

I felt terrible about it.

My armor was on, and I was standing alone by Sable as he hydrated. I heard the crunching of the twigs and turned to see Dani staring at me with crossed arms and a frown on her face. She was glamoured to appear human.

Her eyes filled with more tears. “Did you mean what you said yesterday? To Quin?”

My brows drew together, and my voice was soft as I replied, “I’d never lie about something like that.”

Her lip wobbled, and she exhaled, her hands falling to her sides. “I’m coming with you.”

I recoiled. “What?”

“Leroy begged me to, and after seeing how you were with Quin…” She shook her head, then raised her chin. “You are a leader worth following.”

The same thing Leroy said to me he must’ve said to Dani .

“What about the children?” I asked.

“Us Warlocks have a great sense of community. They will all pull together to support my brother and his family until my return.” Her eyes scanned the group behind me, all of whom were staring at us with raised brows as they mounted their rides. They were too far away to hear our conversation.

“I am powerful, and having a Warlock on your side will help. There is much I can teach the Mages, actually—secrets my kind have kept for millennia.” She took a steadying breath. “I…need to help.”

I blinked, then gave her a nod. “Then we’d be happy to have you.”

She gave a hesitant smile. “Lena is speaking with Leroy. She'll be out in a moment.” She adjusted the bag on her back before taking it off and shoving it toward me. “I’ll be an extra ride for one of you!” she called out to my group, and I watched in awe as she shifted into a light blue mare, the hair almost iridescent.

I gave her a lopsided grin. “Always a show-off,” I teased, and she nudged my shoulder with her nose.