Page 60 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Sixty

LENA

Silas's words tormented me as I attempted to sleep that evening.

Those moments with you are the only beautiful memories I have.

Try as I might to recall something—anything—about our times together, it was just blank.

The pain behind his haunted golden eyes wrecked me. I knew he was my friend and that he had trained me, but it all felt like a fever dream. And hearing how he felt for me, even when I couldn't understand it, made me feel selfish as hell for erasing our history from my mind.

But it wasn't just our history…so much of my life, even the past few years, felt fuzzy. I hardly remembered any of our time on the road and almost nothing about my first few months in Ames.

Panic began to rise in me. What if I didn't get those memories back? Were they really so painful I couldn't handle them?

The following morning, we headed for the eastern side of the southern coast, hoping to bypass Wrendier entirely as we headed for Nereida. When we reached the shoreline a few days later, it dawned on me that we couldn't bring our horses. I felt a wave of sadness parting ways with Donut, though not as much as Roland, who had actual tears in his eyes.

My magic-wielding friends focused their power on the pentagram I drew in the dirt, sending me, Torrin, and our horses to Faltrun. After a quick exchange with leadership, all going seemingly well in the newly taken over town, Torrin teleported us back.

Bending over and grasping his head, Torrin winced as we returned. We had help from a handful more Mages than when I teleported us there, yet Torrin was significantly more drained than I was.

“Are you alright?” I asked nervously as he knelt on the ground.

“Yes…yeah, just need a moment,” he breathed.

I frowned, then placed my hands on his shoulders. His brown eyes flicked to mine.

My palms didn't burn, but it felt as though my lungs did. Closing my eyes, I began surging my energy into him, what little I had.

Catching on to what I was doing, Torrin grasped my hands. “No.”

“I clearly feel better than you. Just let me—”

Stumbling as he stood, he flung my hands off of him. “I'm fine.”

Our friends awkwardly looked away, returning back to the small campfire they'd set as Torrin ambled toward the shoreline.

“I performed Celare ,” Elowen announced gently, a wide smile on her face. “It's a cloaking spell. Our fire is hidden from other's eyes.”

“That's amazing, El,” I praised, noting the fragrance from the herbs that burned in the fire. Noticing my worried gaze trailing to her cousin, she gave me a sad smile.

I met Silas's eyes for just a moment. The pain that lay behind them almost caused me to rush to my tent, ready for the evening to be over. But I found myself following Torrin off in the distance instead.

He went several feet away from our camp, far away enough that no one could see him. He sat inches away from the tide, the water creeping up the sand. His elbows rested on his knees, and his eyes were glued to the impending waves.

His jaw feathered as I sat beside him, moonlight illuminating his bright hair. He wouldn't look at me.

“It sucks having everyone mad at me,” I whispered, eyes turning to watch the ripples in the water. The sounds the ocean made were comforting, threatening to lull me to sleep after such magic usage.

“I'm not mad at you,” he mumbled.

I gave him an impassive glance. “Yes, you are.”

His chest rose and fell, an exhausted sigh leaving him. “I'm just frustrated,” he responded quietly a minute later.

I studied him. “I can't remember why you don't wish to be intimate with me,” I whispered. “So, I can only assume…” I trailed off, realizing I had no idea what Torrin did or did not know.

He exhaled through his nose. “Yes, it’s because of Silas.” He finally tilted his head toward me, making eye contact.

I swallowed. “He said I don't remember that I was in love with him, which is true. I…I only remember loving you.”

He sucked in his lips, shaking his head. “You loved him more,” he muttered, looking away.

“I said that?”

“You didn't have to.”

I sighed through my nose, fisting a handful of sand, the smooth, granular material slipping through the cracks between my fingers. “You really feel we gave it a fair shot?” I asked quietly. “You're satisfied with the attempt?”

He laughed humorlessly through his nose. “Why are you here, Lena?”

“To check on you.”

“No.” He shook his head. “The real reason.”

I swallowed, glancing off to the shore. “I…” I sighed. “I feel guilty.”

“You shouldn't be,” he replied solemnly. “You can't help that you're in love with him.”

“I feel guilty that it is you I want when Silas is hurting so deeply.”

His eyes skated to mine. “Lena,” Torrin muttered, shaking his head again. “You only want me because you can't remember him.”

“I chose to forget him, didn't I? Doesn't that mean the pain of loving him wasn't worth it?”

Torrin's teeth dragged across his bottom lip as he lifted his hand, holding my face. “It wasn't the pain of loving him. It was the pain of being unable to have him.”

I went to protest, and Torrin gently placed his lips on mine.

I melted at the feeling, my eyes fluttering shut. When Torrin's lips pulled away, he whispered, “I suppose I understand that pain. I understand why you did it.”

“You are able to have me,” I whispered over his lips.

He let out a hum, kissing me softly again. “No, I can't.” Another kiss. “Because I don't think I could survive the pain that would come with you remembering him again.”

I sucked on his bottom lip, and he released a soft sigh. “I could just keep the memories away,” I offered quietly.

A light gasp escaped me when Torrin pushed me against the sand, his body looming over mine, holding my arms to the ground.

“Torrin,” I breathed.

He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine, his tongue demanding entry. My lips parted, my tongue swirling around his. His mouth trailed down, littering kisses along my jawline.

When a moan slipped free of my lips, Torrin released my arms, falling back beside me with a frustrated groan. His hands raked down his face as he lay against the sand.

Breathing heavily, I said, “I really loved him that much?”

Torrin's silence was answer enough.

Yet again, another evening was spent struggling to rest my mind. I remembered Dani saying there were gaps in my memory due to an error made with the spell. Perhaps that is why all this feels so terrible. Still, when I witnessed the rising sun across the shore, Viola in bird form flying back from an early morning scout, all thoughts about anything else vanished .

My friend shifted back to herself, eyes widening. “I…I saw it.”

“Nereida?” I nearly cried. “You've seen it?”

We decided last night it would be wise to have her check and see if the island truly was visible instead of risking our lives passing Wrendier for nothing.

She nodded breathlessly. “Yes, but it seems like an entirely bare island,” she stated, and our whole group went quiet. “But, as I got closer, I could feel a barrier of some sort—a ward.” She crossed her arms, anxiously rubbing her triceps. “It felt like my magic was being drained almost. I didn't want to get close. Not on my own.”

“Drained magic?” Elowen whispered, adjusting the bag on her back. Without our horses, we all had more to carry ourselves. “Are we sure this is a place of good?”

“Kayin told us to go,” Torrin interjected. “I trust her.”

Silas's narrowed gaze shifted from Torrin to mine. “What do you think, Lena? Would Kayin send you someplace dangerous?”

I thought about the mysterious seer I had yet to meet in person, the seer who apparently was in Otacia, unwell, unless she had managed to leave. I then thought about the other seer who had been in my life, the one who had sent Torrin to a kingdom where he'd been enslaved for an entire year.

My eyes drifted to Torrin, my heart welling with so much love as I took in his eyes and the gentleness behind them. His short hair displayed his handsomeness even better than his longer hair did.

Torrin's cheeks reddened, seemingly reading my mind as I admired him.

What if it's another trap?

“Igon didn't send me into a trap. He sent me somewhere I'd find my parents,” he replied softly in my mind. “Sent me to a place that we have now liberated.” He offered me a smile that further sent heat throughout me. “All of this is meant to happen, I believe.”

“It's so awkward watching silent conversations,” Roland mumbled to Hendry.

“I'll say.”

“Okay.” I took a steadying breath. “We're going to go for this and hope for the best.” My attention went back to my crossbody. “I want to ensure Potestas Verae Maleficis will be kept safe, Godsforbid we find ourselves in the water.”

“Not to worry, Supreme,” Dani began. “That grimoire protects itself. The witches who wrote it ensured its preservation.” She stretched her limbs. “That doesn't mean it can't get lost at sea, though. Keep your bag secured to yourself.” She shifted her body toward the ocean. “Shifting into such a large beast will take a great deal of energy, but based on how long it took Viola to return, this will be the quickest way we can get there.”

“We will need to shield,” Viola added, tying her braids up in a ponytail. The silver rings in them glinted in the rising sunlight.

I wonder where she got those.

“I could see those special Undead—those puppets—stationed at Wrendier's watchtowers. They paid me no mind as a bird, but a sea dragon will certainly be a different story.”

We'd all debated on the idea of taking invisibility elixirs, but the danger of us not being able to see one another while atop such a beast seemed like a bad idea, certainly if one of us fell off.

We stood back as Dani took a bracing breath, striding toward the shore. The tips of her boots submerged in the water. Then, her knees. Then, her waist.

She slowly turned to us. “Alright. Let's do this. ”

It was an incredible sight, watching Dani morph into a creature so terrifying, so beautiful. Iridescent blue scales covered the length of her new body. Sharp, blue spikes were spread across the length of her spine.

Those same pupilless blue eyes stared at us, sharp, white teeth present as the dragon's mouth parted, releasing a roar.

“Dani says hurry up and get on,” Torrin breathlessly said, hurrying to her.

“It will be too bumpy of a ride to get a clear shot should we find ourselves being attacked,” Merrick instructed Era as we all hurried forward. “Hide behind my shield, alright?”

There were five of us Mages and five humans, so we each picked one to protect. Our shields could be extended wide, but still. The humans would be sat in front of us, holding on to Dani's spikes, as we wrapped an arm around their torso, balancing ourselves while our other hand created a shield.

Hendry sat in front of Torrin, considering they were both the tallest males here. Roland was in front of Viola, and of course, Elowen was clutching onto Edmund.

My eyes nervously went to the golden-eyed Prince. “You stay in front of me,” I said softly.

He nodded, going over to speak with his wife before we mounted. She was wincing, rubbing her head.

My hands grazed Dani's scales. They were smoother than I expected them to feel but still durable. Carefully, we all mounted, situating ourselves on her back.

Sitting toward the rear, Silas and I situated ourselves between one of the spikes in Dani's spine. Silas grasped on while my arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tightly. Our other friends did the same: Torrin's arms around Hendry, Viola's around Roland, Elowen's around Edmund, and Merrick's around Erabella.

It was clear our nerves were shot, considering the silence between us all.

“We ready?” Torrin asked. When we all responded, Dani began moving.

I squeezed my arms around Silas, swallowing as our speed increased. Silas angled his head back. “Don't let go of me.”

“I didn't plan on it,” I murmured.

Water droplets began sprinkling against my face as Dani went faster, faster, faster. The ripples in the waves had us bouncing slightly, and I found my grip around him tightening.

“We will be passing Wrendier shortly,” Torrin spoke, presumably to all of us in our minds.

As the land of Tovagoth began rounding off, I saw it then, the island off in the distance.

“My Gods, do you see it, Silas?” I yelled over the waves.

He shook his head. “No. I see nothing!”

We were zipping forward, water spraying up as Dani led us to the island. I began to sense it then…that darkness I always felt when the necromancer's power was near.

Whipping my head to my right, I flung my right arm out, producing a forcefield. My Mage friends did the same.

Wrendier was far in the distance, but as a dark orb came rushing for us, I knew we'd been spotted.

My shield was hit first. I grunted as it struck, the darkness surging back in the direction it came from.

“Hold on tight!” Silas ordered, grasping the spike close.

The island only had to be a couple of minutes away at the rate Dani was swimming. Still, orb after black orb came hurtling us. My friends and I shot out our forcefields, bouncing their magic back, but they were relentless in their pursuit.

“There's too many of them!” Elowen cried, wincing as another orb hit her forcefield.

“My magic…it's weakening! I can feel it!” Viola yelled, roaring as her shield repeatedly got hit.

“Just a few more seconds. We can make it!” Torrin shouted.

But the second his words were released, I felt myself plunging into the cold sea.

Water rushed up my nose, burning my sinuses. I desperately flung my arms forward, trying to find my way up.

The water was freezing, the waves relentless.

I couldn't find my way back up.

I couldn't breathe.

My head felt like it was imploding with every passing second I went without air, and when I couldn't take it any longer, my body inhaled for me.

Water flooded my lungs, a burning sensation spreading across my chest.

This was it.

This was how I was to die.

My eyes began to shut just as I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I had the sense I was being pulled to shore, the brisk air harsh as my face emerged from the water.

“S-s-stay with me, L-Lena, p-please…please…”

Silas .

The cold was unbearable. My whole body felt like it was shaking violently. But I was still. Motionless. I couldn't move—couldn't open my eyes. My hands and my toes felt numb.

I suddenly felt a pressure on my chest. Over and over and over.

“Fuck!” he roared. “I c-can’t lose you, Lena! Please n-not again…please.”

I felt the rush of water rising, and I choked. Leaning over, I coughed it all out on the ground beside me.

“Oh…oh, t-thank the Gods,” Silas hailed.

I took notice of our surroundings as I sucked in breath after breath, and when I realized what was beneath my fingers, a soft cry escaped me.

Snow. The whole island was covered in snow.

“What…” I breathed, frantically searching all around. “Where is everyone?”

“I don't know,” he whispered, his own body trembling from the frigid temperature. Our clothes were suited for a summer in Tovagoth…not this winter. That, plus our soaked bodies, meant we needed to find shelter. Now.

I quickly checked my bag, grateful the grimoire was safe.“W-we need shelter.” I could feel the water freezing on me—my hair, my eyelashes, my face. Same with Silas—ice was coating him.

“There's a cabin I s-saw.” Without warning, Silas lifted me into his arms.

“Silas, n-no—you're going to hurt yourself!”

I could barely move my hands; it felt as though my body was completely frozen stiff.

He ignored me, trudging through the many inches of snow to a wooden cabin that rested above .

It felt like hours—like slow motion as he plodded forward. Nothing else was present on this bare island.

Where are we?

Kicking open the front door, Silas's eyes desperately darted around the dark home, and he rushed forward until we entered a bedroom.

“Lena, t-there’s a f-fireplace here…” He set me down on my feet just steps before it.

“I-I can’t.” I choked, trembling.

“If you d-don’t, w-we will die.”

It took everything in me, but I bent down and willed the smallest amount of fire from my fingertips, the thought of Silas dying fueling me with just enough.

“C-come on, come on,” I cried.

The fire began small, the crackling sound spreading relief through me.

“We need to take off our c-clothes,” he ordered.

I obeyed, peeling off the frozen clothes until I was naked, tossing them to the side, and then I stumbled as close to the fire as I could, my knees dropping to the soft rug in front of it. I was shaking so damn hard.

Silas moved, and a few moments later, after some rustling, he returned to my side with a thick sheet. His body was bare of clothes, but I couldn't focus on anything other than how fucking cold I was.

He laid down next to me, opening up the blanket as I entered, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me close. I nestled into him, my back facing the warm flames.

Our bodies shuddered against one another.

“S-Silas,” I breathed .

“I’m here, Flower.” His hand rested on the top of my head, holding me against his chest. “I-I’m here.”

Flower.

That nickname…the feel of this man's skin against mine.

The scent of pine and citrus.

“Quill?”

His body stiffened, and he pulled away just enough to look at me, his eyes widened. “Lena…do you…are you r-remembering?”

“Yes…in p-pieces but…” I blinked over and over. “The pond, we first kissed in that pond.”

He grinned. “Yes. Y-yes, we did.”

It seemed this ward, whatever magic-altering barrier had been present, had eliminated the spell put on me. But why did I still have my magic?

“I’m so sorry, Silas,” I whispered, tears welling in my eyes as my memories came flooding back to me. “The pain was just so strong.” I lifted my shaking hands, my purple fingertips brushing against his cheek. “But it’s worse…far worse, not remembering.”

His lips trembled, and he pulled me against him, pressing his lips against my forehead.

My breathing calmed in his embrace, at his scent that had always been so soothing. I didn’t know how long it was before our shuddering died down, how long it was until we finally began to warm each other and drift off to sleep.