Page 68 of The Sins of Silas (The Otacian Chronicles #2)

Chapter Sixty-Eigh t

SILAS

“ I s everything okay with you?” I asked Era from my spot beside her in bed.

She'd hardly uttered any words to me since we'd joined back up. We may have only known each other for a little over a year, but I could tell when something weighed on her mind.

I still couldn't believe Roland had caught Lena and me kissing. I'd have to speak about it with him at some point. Dinner had been delivered to our room, and after eating the delectable, seared fish, we laid in bed, wishing to get some sleep.

Era kept her eyes away, staring up at the ceiling. “Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?”

I could also tell when she lied, because it wasn't very often she did so. “Ever since we got split, you’ve been acting different.”

“No, I haven’t,” she deflected .

She and Merrick had been separated together. Dani had mentioned she believed him to be attracted to her. And as my mind organized my memories, I realized the Empath had always kept close to her.

Did they have a moment together like Lena and I did?

“What happened when you and Merrick were split from us?”

The feathering in her jaw gave away her unease. “Nothing.”

I frowned. Clearly, that meant something. But what? Merrick had kept his distance from her since we'd gotten here.

I sighed, not wishing to pester her. She certainly wasn't pestering me…which was curious.

“Very well,” I conceded.

After a brief pause in the dark light, she asked quietly, “Do you feel things have changed between us?”

The question spiked my heart rate. “What makes you ask?”

“You've hardly touched me since beginning this journey… have barely even kissed me since before we left Faltrun.”

Guilt spread through my chest as I stared at her. I needed to be honest and come clean with the truth of my past and who I was, but the words wouldn't come out.

“I'm just stressed,” I deflected.

Her face twisted, and she lifted her hands to rub her temples.

“Is your head alright?” I asked softly.

“I've been getting these headaches…I don't know. Must be from stress .”

Her sarcasm wasn't lost on me. She didn't believe my excuse.

“Perhaps we can find you a remedy in the morning for it.”

She didn't reply.

“Let me rub your back. Perhaps it'll help,” I offered.

She looked at me then, eyes wide. Miserable.

I gave her a tight-lipped smile, and I didn't miss the slight tremble of her lips as she turned to her side, allowing me to lift the fabric of her shirt to caress her skin.

My fingers glided over her tanned flesh, and I began to hear her cry.

“Era,” I whispered in concern. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” she cried softly.

I pulled her back against my chest, holding her to me. I was a hypocrite for saying, “Talk to me.”

“It's just my head,” she mumbled.

I thought over all the possibilities. Did guilt weigh on her, too? Or was my distance causing this much pain?

We'd never been overwhelmingly close, but I would make love to her frequently. I supposed it was clear that something had changed.

“Is Merrick's head hurting, too?”

Her whole body tensed, giving me an answer. “What?” she whispered.

“You two were trapped together. I was just wondering if these headaches were affecting him, too,” I murmured, still gliding my hand across her back.

“I…I don't know.”

I wanted to ask if she had feelings for him…wanted to tell her it was okay if she did. But on the off chance she didn’t, I wasn’t ready to speak of my own sentiments.

“Whatever weighs on you, Erabella,” I mumbled into her ear, “don't allow it to. I know this journey hasn’t been easy, but we’ve gathered many allies. I think it will be sooner rather than later we can go home. ”

She let out a faint cry, and I hushed her, relaxing her with my touch.

Even if she wouldn’t be my queen, Otacia would always be a home to her. And I'd ensure she was set for the rest of her life, living lavishly and freely, the way she deserved to be.

The morning came, and we were all instructed to dress and head to the dining hall for breakfast. I lifted the white shirt and swim shorts that were left for me, Erabella sliding into her matching shell bra and skirt, showcasing her toned midsection. The skirt was to be pulled away later when we went to the ocean to swim.

She looked beautiful in it, but the weariness in her eyes was unnerving me, as was this headache of hers that was bothering her more and more. I'd sent a request for a healing elixir of sorts, and when she took it, nothing improved.

I held out my elbow, and she lined hers with mine, us heading downstairs. We were the first to arrive in the broad, open space. The windows were all open, the sea breeze pleasant as it blew through, and the sounds of seagulls crying from outside caught my attention.

It was stunning here—the bright blue ocean just steps from our eating area. Otacia wasn't too far from the sea, but it wasn't as tropical of an experience as it was here.

Valter was dressed in a deep green suit, grin broad as he came to greet us. After exchanging pleasantries, he showed us to our seats at the large table. A spread of exotic fruits, breads, and jams was placed elegantly on the table, along with parfaits and coconut meat. The scent of it all had my mouth watering.

Lucretia and her consort, Kismet, had not arrived yet.

Dani sauntered in next, wearing a navy ensemble that complimented his complexion. Roland was at his side, wearing light grey, though all I could focus on was his hazel eyes that stared at me knowingly.

When Merrick entered a moment later, Torrin and Viola were beside him, and his eyes automatically went over to my wife. When I glanced over at her, she was staring down at her lap. The Empath's jaw set, and he sat as far from her as he could.

“Vi, you look amazing,” Dani complimented, admiring the sand-colored shell top and skirt. It seemed our outfits were all nearly identical, save for the color differences.

Elowen, Edmund, and Hendry were in next, the healer's aqua-blue outfit matching her eyes.

Two robed figures walked in, and behind them, joining us at last, was Lena.

I did my best to school my expression. Her ensemble was the most elegant of all. Her shell bra was a combination of green hues with glittering gems molded to it. Her skirt was fuller than the others. And across her collarbones, she wore my mother's necklace like always.

It seemed she'd been dolled up. Her orange hair was tied in two fishtail braids, similar to how Kismet's was the day prior. They fell past her full breasts, the tips lying just beside her belly button.

Her cheeks were tinted pink. I knew she wasn't used to presenting in such a way.

“Good morning, Lena,” Valter greeted, eyes skating over her. “You look beautiful. ”

Roland and Torrin's jaws were hanging open while they gazed at her, and even my other male friends were eyeing her a little longer than normal.

She smiled at him. “You don't look so bad yourself,” she responded confidently, sitting across from me at the table. When her eyes slid over to mine, they flitted up and down, taking me in as quickly as she could.

Lucretia and Kismet waltzed in a few moments later, arm in arm, Kismet's attire black and Lucretia's white. After a quick greeting, we all began eating.

Breakfast went by relatively quickly. Lena had attempted to talk more about the crisis on the mainland, but Lucretia kept changing the topic of conversation. Whether or not they were willing to help, we at least had this Chamber of Time to give us some answers.

I tried not to overeat, but trying all the different foods was too hard to pass up. From starfruit to durian to kumquats—the latter’s name Roland childishly laughed about—I enjoyed it all…except for papaya. I didn't much care for that.

After, everyone excitedly ventured off to the sparkling sea. I told Era I would be a moment, heading back to our room to collect myself.

I wished I could join in, strip off my top, and submerge myself in the water. I wished I was normal.

A soft knock sounded at my door, and when I opened it, Lena walked inside.

“Are you going to swim?” she asked me gently as I shut the door. She now knew exactly why my back was kept covered.

I wanted to swim. I wanted to take my shirt off and feel the warm sun on my body. I didn’t want to be held back by my past and ruled by those who abused me.

I began to unbutton my shirt.

“They will ask,” I mumbled, my fingers shaking. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Then just say that.” Her hand cradled my cheek. “I doubt anyone will pressure you.” She gave me a playful smile, grasping her breasts. “I could whip my shell top off. That’ll take the attention away.”

I snorted. “You do that, and I’ll put you over my knee and spank your ass ‘til your skin’s red.”

She bit back a smile. “Don’t encourage me,” she teased, running her hand down my bare chest.

I dragged my bottom lip through my teeth, eyes falling down to finish unbuttoning the shirt. With a deep breath, I shrugged it off.

Lena’s eyes trailed down my body, and her tear-filled eyes met mine. “I am so proud of you.”

My lip wobbled, and my own tears threatened to release. “I’ll just need a minute,” I whispered.

She nodded, stepped forward, and hugged me, her soft hands still foreign against my bare skin. I was still unused to someone’s touch there but having her in my arms felt so good.

I held her, stroking her own skin, before giving the top of her head a kiss. “I’ll be okay,” I said quietly, more to myself than her.

“I know you will be.” She pulled back, eyes sparkling, and turned, leaving me alone in the room .

My anxiety was at an all-time high. Here I was about to reveal my greatest weakness, my greatest shame, to everyone I’ve hidden it from.

I stepped out onto the beach, my feet sinking into the smooth sand, and I felt pain in my throat the second the sun warmed me, the moment the pleasant breeze brushed against my bare skin.

Everyone was already playing in the ocean. Elowen was on Edmund’s shoulders, and Roland was attempting to splash her as Edmund splashed him back. Merrick and Era were talking off to the side, floating in the water, and Viola was sauntering along the coast with Dani.

Lena was with Torrin, sitting on the sand, lost in conversation.

Hendry met my eyes first, only steps to my right, a drink in hand. I watched as his widened regard traveled down my back, then back up to my face.

His eyes softened, and he gestured to his cocktail. “Drink?” he asked with a smile.

I gave a small smile back. “Please.”

Hendry angled his head at the bartender running the drink stand, ordering another one of the fruity cocktails. As I waited, my eyes caught Era’s. The whites of her eyes were completely visible. She'd never seen me topless in our entire marriage. Quickly, she exited the water, making her way to me.

I took a nervous breath, taking the drink Hendry handed me. “I’m always here for you,” he said softly. “If you ever need to talk about it. ”

I swallowed the unpleasant lump rising in my throat. “I know you are.”

He departed just as Era ran up to me. “Silas…” she breathed, tears filling her brown eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said quietly. “I just want to pretend it’s not there, okay?”

A look of understanding shone in her features. “Of course. Of course.” She smiled. “Let’s swim?”

I studied my wife’s eyes and found myself smiling back as she held my hand.

As we took step after step toward the water, I glanced to my left. Lena’s eyes flicked to my and Era’s joined hands, and I hated the flash of hurt I saw. But when she lifted her eyes back to mine, the tears that were present were not sadness…but delight. She beamed at me.

Her love was always better than mine, because despite her discomfort seeing me beside another, she was happy for me.

I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and run into the ocean with her. I wanted to kiss her until our lips were swollen and make love to her on the beach, not caring who saw. I think Torrin reiterated the sentiment as his widened eyes returned to her as he spoke, her cheeks heating.

As I focused my attention back on the sea, my eyes met Roland’s, whose expression was utterly solemn.

I needed to talk with him…but I wasn’t ready yet.

We'd spent hours in the water, and I'd never felt so free in my entire existence. The water and sun against my naked skin was a sensation that healed my inner wounds…if only just a fraction.

As time passed, I forgot that my back was in the state that it was. My confidence slowly returned, showcasing the ways my body was defined. The Sea Nymphs had kept a tasteful distance, but toward the end of our fun, they swam closer. A few of the females smiled at me, blush staining their uniquely colored skin as I overheard them whispering to one another, “He's so pretty!”

Most women admired my face, but I was sure that those who would see me topless would find me repulsive.

My eyes trailed back to the love of my life, swimming alongside Elowen and Dani in the waves. It wouldn't matter to me if the world saw me as the ugliest, most pathetic man. Her love and admiration were all I needed, all I wanted.

Era had been beaming the entire time, but I could feel her eyes shifting to the Empath every so often. He kept away, but his eyes would linger on her, too.

When Era's head pain had become too much, she made her exit, heading to our room to rest before the ball. I was going to walk with her, but Hendry offered instead, wishing for me to enjoy as much of this as I could.

He was a great friend.

Viola had also left a while ago. One of Lucretia's hairstylists offered to freshen up her braids, and since it was a time-consuming task, she departed early. I couldn't wait to see her new style at the ball.

I leapt out of the water, heading up to get another drink, when someone stopped me.

“Hey.” Roland grasped my arm, eyes bouncing between mine.

I didn't shrug him off; I just stood there, frozen. He had been eyeing me the entire time but hadn't had it in him to come up and talk to me.

“What happened to you?” he asked quietly. “Who did it?”

I swallowed, hesitantly turning to face him. “I don't want to talk about it.”

His gentle eyes skated down my face, then back up. “Your father?”

My eyes fell away, and I nodded.

Roland cursed as he released my arm. “I'm so sorry.”

“I don't need pity.”

“Was it…did he do it because—”

“The beatings started months before that.” For the first time in years, my eyes softened at him. My friend, despite my mistreatments. “I'm not ready to talk about it, but I will be eventually. Can you accept that?”

He dragged his teeth over his lip, nodding slowly. “I can…I can accept that.”

The corner of my lip raised. “You want a drink?”