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Chapter forty-one

L ater that night, Nickolai and I made our way back to his room, where he jumped in the shower while I pulled the gifts from their wrappings.

Not that I would say it out loud, but the bracelet had to be my favorite gift.

And it wasn’t because it was jewelry, or because it was no doubt so expensive that I would have a hard time ever wearing it again if I knew how much it cost. It was my favorite because Nickolai picked it out for me.

He could’ve gotten me a sandwich and that still would be at the top of my list.

When I finished putting away the gifts, I decided to walk out to the balcony, absentmindedly twisting the cold metal against my skin.

It felt weird to have it there, like it was something that I could never quite get used to.

But even if that was the case, it didn’t matter—I was never taking it off.

I heard Nickolai before I saw him, water still slightly dripping off of him, leaving a trail in his wake.

Turning around, I leaned against the railing, grateful for the support as I took in the sight of him.

He had only a towel wrapped around his waist, leaving the rest of his glistening body to be on perfect display.

My lip instinctively found its way between my teeth as I watched a bead of water travel down his abdomen, working through each dip in his muscles before disappearing down the deep V behind his towel.

“You look like you have something on your mind,” Nickolai said suggestively.

Dragging my heavy eyes up to his, I admitted, “I do.”

“Would you care to share what that is?” he smirked, stalking up to me and placing his hands on each side of the railing, locking me in within his arms. I could see the desire in his eyes, the realization of it, only spurring my own.

He was so amazing, helping me through the bad days that had me bedridden. He did so much to make me happy, to make me feel whole, even if it didn’t always work. And he was mine.

“You,” I breathed.

He slowly inched closer until his mouth hovered slightly over mine. “You’re on my mind too.”

I closed the space between us, drawing my hands into his wet hair to pull him closer.

His lips softly caressed mine, working my mouth open enough for him to slip his tongue in, the feeling of it was so intimate, so arousing.

He stopped briefly, dipping his head down to drag his mouth against my neck.

I tilted my head to the side, eagerly granting him better access.

My heart rate instantly increased and caused my breaths to come out in hot pants against the cold air.

“Nickolai!” I exclaimed breathlessly.

At my use of his name, Nickolai bit slightly on the tender spot of my neck, pulling yet another moan from me.

It must have been his undoing because in the next moment he was slamming me into the glass door so hard and fast that there was no way it was humanly possible.

My back and head hit the glass hard. But I had no time to react other than a small yelp before Nickolai was devouring me with his mouth again.

Both of his hands gripped the neckline of my dress, and before I knew it, he ripped open the front of the fabric and my bra.

My breasts spilled out into the cold night air, nipples pebbling in an instant.

I gasped, moving to cover myself up, but Nickolai grabbed my wrists—gathering them into one hand to hold against the glass above my head.

I was at his mercy.

My brain couldn’t decipher quite how much enjoyment I was getting out of this between the pain and shock that kept meeting me with each new second. But there was no denying the solid throbbing between my legs, making them tremble while my entrance became slick with wetness.

Nickolai gripped my breast with his free hand, groaning in delight at the sight of my milky flesh in his hands. Seeing him take pleasure in my body had me nearly imploding with need.

Thankfully, he read the look on my face, dropping my breast to drag his fingers lower.

He got to the end of the rip, dipping his fingers beneath the fabric once more and pulling.

The rip extended, opening the dress clear down to my upper thighs.

It was practically a robe at that point, hanging from my shoulders as I was fully exposed from the opening in the center.

My eyes met Nickolai’s, what was usually a bright green was now dark with need. We watched each other as his hand slowly slid between my thighs, gliding along my slit.

I wanted more than anything to grab onto him, but there was no breaking my hands out of his hold.

Instead, I moved the only way I could, grinding my hips closer to his hand.

I needed him, more than anything—I needed him.

Inside me, wrapped around me, I would take whatever I could get.

The movement pulled a wicked smile to his lips.

He loved seeing me squirm. Loved watching the torture of desire.

“Nickolai, please!” I begged. After another moment, he finally granted me my wish. His fingers plunged into my center with an all consuming movement. “Yes!” I panted, my breasts rising and falling rapidly with the movement of each breath.

“Do you want more, my angel?” he taunted, stilling his fingers inside me.

“Yes—Fuck!” As I went to answer, he moved his fingers within me while pressing his thumb into the bead at the apex of my sex. He worked his fingers in stimulating movements, which, mixed with the cold breeze over my sensitive skin, had me rapidly coming undone in his hands.

I was panting and shivering against the glass—both from the cold and from the orgasm—when Nickolai released my wrists and pulled his fingers from me.

Brushing a few loose pieces of my hair back behind my ear, he stared down at me intently, as if he were trying to memorize every line and freckle on my face.

“You are something else, Tiny,” he whispered—his eyes indicating that he wanted to say so much more. Right when I thought he would finally divulge what was on his mind, he dragged his hands down my arms before bending to lift me up.

“What are you doing?” I said with a giggle.

“I’m taking my lady inside to warm up so I can finish having my way with her.”

Securing my legs around his hips, I draped my arms on his neck—pulling his head forward to continue our kiss as he blindly led us back inside.

I awoke the next morning with the stickiness of sweat coating my skin as I heaved for breath in the aftermath of my nightmare. The typical one of me waiting for Aedon to find me, was now replaced with the imperfect image of him from Nickolai’s mind.

The boy started out smiling, happy to see me, until the image shifted and his smile was replaced with a look of horror as blood started spreading from his little abdomen.

My legs pushed off the ground as I tried to run to him, but my body stayed in place, never allowing me to reach him until he crumpled to the ground, no longer moving.

It was just a nightmare. . . just a nightmare, I tell myself.

Even if the premise behind it was painstakingly real.

Running my hand through my hair, I looked around the room and realized I’m alone—the sheets on Nickolai’s side of the bed rumpled from his own sleep.

It was good that he wasn’t here. That he didn't witness this.

Getting up, I took a quick bath before throwing on leather pants and a light blue tunic with boots that were left in the bathroom by Ysabel.

She also left food, but at the sight of it, my stomach lurched.

With the vision of my nightmare still at the forefront of my mind, I couldn’t fathom even the thought of eating anything.

I needed Nickolai.

It didn’t take me long to find him as there were only two other places he usually spent his time lately: his office and the throne room.

He was in the latter. His tall, commanding frame stood in the middle of the room, directing each of the staff, who all looked to be running around like they had tails on fire.

I wasn’t even three steps inside the door before he noticed me—a wide heart-stopping smile splitting his face immediately. My own mouth turned up, but I couldn’t help but notice the feeling of it not meeting my eyes yet again. It had to be from the dream.

We met each other halfway, where he drew me in for a kiss without hesitation, but I pulled away. Casting a look at the people around us, I asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m kissing my angel,” he clarified, leaning in to start the kiss again.

I didn’t pull away this time, savoring the sweet taste of his lips on mine.

He drew me in further, deepening the kiss until it was an effort to not remember that we were surrounded.

Sensing my anxiety, he pulled away but still kept me wrapped in his arms.

Looking around us once more, everyone who was staring unfroze, jumping back into setting up a new event. “Do you need any help?” I asked, glancing back up to Nickolai.

He shook his head, “No, I've got it covered.”

As always, he took it upon himself to handle everything. To handle everyone. I wonder what it cost him . At the direction of my thoughts, I questioned, “Did you ever figure out what to do to help Nessy?”

Nickolai hesitated, seeming to have the answer already. “Yes,” he paused, staring into my eyes as if they would somehow give him the courage to speak.

I felt the panic within me start to rise. “And?”

“I was thinking about how you said she was lonely. . . and perhaps if you would just reconsider—”

I backed out of his grip immediately. “What?!”

“Mira, if you would just imagine it,” he said, and in the next moment my vision changed—filled by an illusion of Nickolai and me, with two little children appearing before us.