Page 24

I was speechless, replaying the words he just declared over again. His gaze found mine, hopeful and waiting for my response. Walls shattered in me, but I managed a whisper, “No. It’s not enough. . . please leave.”

His face dropped, settling into a hard stone. I turned to face the vanity—ignoring him as he stood there—the only sound filling the room was our breathing once he at last dried his clothes with a snap of his fingers, drawing the scent of false rain to my nose.

A few moments later, Nickolai finally stormed out, slamming each door shut so hard that something in my bedroom fell off the wall and shattered, making me flinch.

Watching the hope disappear from his face left a nasty aftertaste from the words I spoke.

Guilt found its way into me again, taking hold in my chest. In his defense, he had a good excuse, but it was not enough for me.

Nothing he could do would ever be enough for me.

Just like nothing I did would ever make up for the mistakes I made, which led to the ones I loved being taken from me.

Anger at the confrontation still clung to each of my cells, even as tears continued to stream down my face.

After nearly five years—five fucking years—I finally got the answer to the question I had asked myself every day.

My fist tightened, and before I knew what I was doing, it plunged through the mirror along the wall.

The glass shattered, slicing the skin on my knuckles.

A scream pierced out of me, no doubt waking up everyone in the castle.

It wasn’t from the pain of the cuts but instead from the pain in my heart that fought me every time I pushed it down.

Another piece inside me cracked, allowing the red mist to grow ever so slightly.

I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my hand to capture some of the blood that had already dripped on the mirror, counter, and floor.

I felt crazed, like I could be trying to rip my hair out in one second, to sobbing in a ball on the floor the next.

It all overwhelmed me, turning my ragged breathing into pants as the familiar shaking started to take hold of me once more.

I rested my forearms on the counter as I hunched over, gasping for air.

My lungs felt more and more unsatisfied, causing the blood to rush to my head as my vision of the red drops on the white tile blurred.

I was so focused on trying to breathe that I didn’t hear the knock at the door, only the soft footfalls rushing toward me and a small hand rubbing my back. Darkness began to cloud the corners of my vision, and I knew that I was too far gone to return from this attack.

“Mira?” Ysabel's fear-ridden voice hit my ears, and I felt the world completely slip away.

By the time everything started to come back to me, I was on the cold floor, in my robe with a blanket draped across my legs.

Ysabel was crouched down beside me with Nessy, who must have been in the right place at the right time.

My brain felt like it was waist-deep sludge that I had to walk through to configure a single thought.

Resting my head in the hand propped up by my knee, I kept trying to piece together what had happened.

It wasn’t until I saw him barrel into the bathroom that it all came rushing back and the exhaustion of fighting and fearing my entire life took hold of me.

Reflective glass was shattered on the counter, with a few of the pieces coated in blood. Nessy held pressure on the towel covering my other hand, which had begun to turn from white to red. My whole body shook, making me look pathetically lethargic.

“ What did you do? ” The question came out in a quiet growl. His eyes were still trying to take in the scene and comprehend how I looked. All the fight and anger I’d had since I’d gotten here was gone, replaced with a shell of a person that I didn’t recognize.

Looking up at Nickolai, my eyes drooped, “Can you please just leave? Please. ”

“You can push me away any other time except now,” he blurted.

Ysabel and Nessy exchanged a look as he got on his knees before me, taking my wounded hand in his.

“Nes, make sure the healer is coming. Ysabel, can you grab a new towel and some refreshments?” he commanded, his eyes never leaving my face as he gave the orders.

Resting my head back against the cabinet door, it lulled to the side, and was an effort to keep it upright, “You left me alone for five years. Why can’t you leave me alone now?”

Nickolai sighed, “Because it seems that when one of us is hurt, the other one steps in to save the day.” Even with him trying to throw humor into his words, there was no smile to convey the joke. “I can take your pain away, though. If you would like?”

My body tensed. “How?”

“I can deceive your senses.”

My brows furrowed in confusion as I began to pull my injured hand away. Was he like Zeke? Could he read my thoughts with only a touch?

Seeming to understand where my thoughts went, he awkwardly clarified, “Don’t worry, I can’t read your mind like Zeke. I can just make you sense everything I want you to sense.”

“Why didn’t you do it to take away your own pain before?”

He didn’t have to ask what I was talking about, Nickolai knew it instantly. “My pain reminded me that you were real. . . May I?”

I agreed with a slight shake of my head and, before I knew it, I saw cliff edges covered in greenery that rose up at the base of the mountain where water pooled into a calm oasis flowing into a creek.

Long streams of waterfalls cascaded down the steps built along the side of the large rock formation.

The roar of the moving liquid combined with the song of the birds as the sun beat down through the trees.

Nickolai and I stood along the bank. The scent of the bloody bathroom and false rain disappeared, replaced by the sweet and earthy tones of flowers and trees.

It all tied together as the feeling of pain left and was filled with the peace that I assumed he had felt here.

My gasp echoed around me as I felt the last of the weight on my shoulders slip away. I hadn’t realized that it had been so heavy that I struggled to breathe. Turning to look at Nickolai in the vision, tears began to stream from my eyes in relief. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“I wish I could take this pain from you forever.”

I nodded in acknowledgment, the movement freeing another drop of wetness, “I know.” I wish I didn’t have to feel this pain.

“But it’s my burden to bear,” I whispered to myself.

As the words left my lips, I could feel his grip on my mind slip, until somehow he could no longer hold it.

The weight of guilt and grief came crashing down on me once more as I began to gasp for air.

The feeling of another crack sent a shock wave throughout my body, as if I were a piece of fine china that was breaking under the pressure of it all.

Nickolai gaped at me, the white and gold coloring in the bathroom surrounding us once more and the only reminder left behind being the faint smell of rain. “How did you do that?”

I looked at him, trying to convey the complete honesty in me through the shock on my face, “I don’t know.”

Our attention was pulled as Ysabel returned, offering me a sip of water and a pastry. Followed by Nessy with the healer who gave Nickolai a curt nod as he took my hand, unwrapping it.

A piece of glass was lodged between my knuckles, causing it to ooze as soon as the pressure was removed.

He made quick work of healing the wound—a yellow glow emitting from his hand that hovered over my injury.

My skin knit back together as the shard was pushed from the gash.

Even as the healer fixed my hand, Nickolai’s gaze kept shifting back and forth between my face and my weaving skin.

The burning from the cuts slowly left, granting me an ounce of relief.

But seeing the looks of everyone fussing over my injuries had me feeling two feet tall for putting them through this.

I should have known better. I should have had more control, and yet something about Nickolai made me completely disregard rational thought.

I wonder if I had the same effect on him.

The healer finished up with my hand and left, followed by Nickolai, who got up, staring at me for a brief moment before he too walked out—not bothering to say anything else. Nessy and Ysabel looked at each other with wide eyes before casting their gazes onto me.

“What happened between you two?” Nessy inquired.

“Nothing,” I mumbled. They dropped the subject, even though it was clear they didn't want to, and started to clean up the bathroom. “You guys can leave the mess, I will clean it up later. I think I just need to lie down.”

Ysabel responded first, “Okay, let me help you to bed.”

She moved toward me, but I stopped her. “It’s fine. I will get up in a few minutes.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, her hazel eyes filled with uncertainty.

I could tell they were both about to tell me to fuck off and stay, but as I nodded they thankfully each gave me a wary smile and left. Their promise to check on me later, hanging in the air.

Once the click of the bedroom door closing hit my ears, I released a breath and turned to lie on my side. My warm cheek resting on the cold tile as I let the tiredness take over.