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Chapter twenty-nine

T he light shining in through the partially opened window of my gray room had me waking up to sounds of the birds within the trees outside mixing with the voices of people milling about the city in the early morning.

I rolled over, facing the large naked body lying beside me, and immediately smiled in delight.

My hands reached out to the warm skin, which flinched at the cold touch of mine.

Nickolai turned toward me, a matching smile spreading across his face as he leaned in for a quick kiss. “Good morning, Tiny,” he said before bending down further to the swell of my belly and planting a kiss upon it. “And good morning, my sweet Auriela.”

I chuckled at his use of the girl name we had picked out. “Auriela might be a Julius.”

He fell back on the bed in exasperation from the argument we have had so many times before. “I just want Aedon to have a sister to keep him in check like I had Nessy.”

Climbing on top of him, I couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. “At what point did Nessy keep you in check?”

He gripped my hips with his hands to support me upon him, his erection pushing into the thin layer of my shorts.

It was an effort to remember what we were talking about, as I’m sure it was for him too.

Nickolai sucked in a breath from the connection before moving his hands to my belly, saying, “She kept me out of trouble all the time.”

I rolled my eyes at him, unable to stop the smile from spreading across my face. “What about now?” I asked as I moved my hips against him.

The desire was clear in his eyes. “Gods, I hope not," he said, rolling me off of him to splay me out on the bed. His hands and mouth began to roam my body over and over again, eliciting me to moan his name.

—

My eyes peeled open to the familiar purple room—the dream still very much at the forefront of my mind.

A look at the life that I missed out on, causing a new pain to shoot through my chest. It wasn’t real, it will never be real , I told myself.

Drawing my hands up, I covered my face, the movement shifting my tunic along my apparently hardened nipples.

I needed to forget about the stupid dream.

A throat-clearing on the other side of my room announced that I wasn’t alone. When I looked, Nickolai’s dark hair came into view, followed by the rest of his chiseled features, which were only accentuated by the stubble that had started to grow.

“I can leave,” he said, failing to hide the slight humor in his voice. He must have seen my body's uncontrollable reaction. Clutching the blankets on the bed, I pulled them higher to cover my chest and sent a silent prayer to any god that would listen in hopes that I was quiet during my sleep.

I looked around the room, noticing that Airmathair was nowhere to be seen, which had my heart picking up faster than it was from the dream.

Did I really expect him to let me keep it after what I did?

My anger answered my own question. Yes I did.

It was my sword. But that didn’t help the current situation or the fact that he was staring at me like he could undress me with only his eyes.

Clearing my own throat, I finally said, “You should.”

“Do you want me to?” His voice had a hint of suggestiveness behind it. Heat spread across my cheeks. There was nothing more embarrassing than this.

Running my hand through the tangles of my hair, I sighed. “What do you want, Nickolai?”

Dropping the humor, he finally leaned back in his designated chair. Taking me in with a look of brooding seriousness. A part of me wanted to shy under his scrutiny, while the other part—the other being—stood her ground.

After what felt like an eternity of us staring at each other, he finally asked, “Do you have a seal?”

The question sent a jolt of electricity through me, causing my voice to squeak as I asked, “What?”

“You heard me, Mira.”

“No, I don’t,” I answered. While I was sure I had some sort of power, it wasn’t a seal like what Nickolai and Nessy had.

“Then what the fuck was that last night?”

My head reared back. “What are you talking about?” Was he referring to my eyes—did he see them?

Was it the way I was, or what led me to do what I did?

If it was the last one, then he was in for a rude awakening.

Especially after he had the gall to say what he did to me at the end of the last meeting.

He stood, his body instinctively pacing the room as he questioned, “The Mira I know wouldn’t have been able to execute the shit you pulled last night. So I ask again, what the fuck was that?”

I ground my teeth together slightly. “You’re kidding, right?”

It was a struggle to take a few deep breaths to calm the growing mist that his presence only fueled. He paused his movement to watch me as if I were a spectacle to behold before finally saying, “You can’t go around my court doing things like that.”

“So everyone else can go around doing what they want to whomever they want, but I can’t do anything about it when I’m the target?” I asked, baffled by his command.

Nickolai snapped, “Everyone else isn’t running around torturing people in the middle of the night, Mira!”

I leaned forward in the bed, nearly leaping out of it as I exclaimed, “ She is ! That fucking bitch may not have physically cut me, but I would’ve rather had her do that than what she did.”

“I was going to handle her!” he shouted.

My breath ceased. “You knew?”

Nickolai ran a hand over his face, releasing a heavy breath. “Zeke saw it in your memories.”

I was nearly ready to jump out of the bed, my anger reaching an all-time high. “Then why didn’t you do anything?! She was running around saying that you were going to propose to her, continuing to control everyone in the court!”

“I was waiting for the right time,” he explained.

“The right time? Are you fucking kidding me?” I snapped. “You were just hoping that you wouldn’t actually have to do your job for once! That you wouldn’t have to do anything that would make anyone question your decisions!”

His fists clenched at his sides. “There is more to running a kingdom than going around killing people !”

I wanted to say that at least killing people would send a message that they can’t just run around doing whatever they want, but that would be digging my own grave. Instead, I said, “Maybe if you did your job, other people wouldn’t have to do it for you.”

Nickolai looked away, and I could almost taste his hatred for me in the air.

I laid back in the bed with a sigh and added, “If you’re going to arrest me or have me executed then do it. We both know you would love to.”

His gaze landed on me, but he remained silent—his jaw ticking as he stared at me from the side. The unabashed glare was on me for so long that I started to wonder whether he would be like that forever. But after a few more moments, he turned and walked out.

I was about to breathe a sigh of relief until I realized he didn’t refuse to execute me like I had expected him to.

My heart picked up speed. Would he really do it?

“ You need to escape,” the voice that I thought I’d been imagining barked, startling me.

“ What? Why? Who are you?” I asked into the abyss of my mind.

“I am you, child,” it hissed. It sounded ancient and scratchy.

“No, you’re not.”

“You need to run, escape. He is going to kill you.” It said, ignoring me.

Maybe it’s for the best , I told myself.

At my thought, a searing pain pierced my brain, followed by the voice saying, “ Idiot girl.” I pressed my fingers into my skull, trying to alleviate the pain, but it was no use.

“Stop,” I growled.

The pain stopped and my vision, which I hadn’t been aware was blurry, cleared. Imagine a wall between me and the other being, I blocked her off. Or, at least, I hope I did. I couldn’t afford to be controlled by her again.

A knock sounded on the door, and before I could make a movement toward it, it opened. Ysabel came shuffling in, her head turned to look at the numerous guards in the hall behind her until she finally faced forward.

Upon seeing me she rushed to gather me up in her arms, shouting, “Mira!”

I hugged her back. “I’m so sorry,” I said immediately, thinking back to our last fight.

She pulled away, sitting at the edge of the bed, to look me in the eye. “What the hell did you do?”

There was no use in keeping the secret from her now, since the castle was bound to know some form of the story by the end of the day. Taking a deep breath, I said, “I was trying to kill Katryn.”

Her eyes widened. “You didn’t!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t want you to get in trouble,” I explained.

She gave me a small smile. “Next time, let me make that choice for myself, okay?”

“I will, I promise,” I said, taking her hand.

After a few moments, she dragged out her question, “So. . . what did you do to her? I heard she has been in the infirmary all morning, even though the healers have told her she can leave.”

My gaze found my fingers and I clenched my jaw at the thought of her still being able to walk free after all she has done. If I hadn’t gotten so carried away with making her suffer, she would be dead right now.

“Let’s just say, her hair won’t be the same,” I announced with a shrug, a small smile forming.

Ysabel snickered, “I’d like to see the healers try to fix that!”

I chuckled, “That’s probably why she won’t leave.” To my chagrin my smile slipped.

Concern washed over Ysabel. “Are you okay?”

My lips pursed as I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, her hand squeezing mine in an effort to comfort me.

I shook my head again, and she nodded in understanding.

Seconds later, she announced, “Well, let's at least get you dressed. . . I’m afraid the king has called for the entire court to meet in the throne room.”

My heart picked up its pace with panic. “Do you think I’ll be executed?”