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Chapter twenty-one

O ur heels clacked on the stone steps as each of us made our way down the multiple flights of stairs, down to the ground floor.

Going to the side exit, we heard the music playing first before finding the doors next—already open to the growing crowd on the large patio area.

Heat from the sun still warmed the slight breeze that wafted around us, which carried the scent of spices and the sharp mustiness of the changing season as mumbles from the crowd quieted at our appearance.

My eyes first landed on the hundreds of lanterns strung above the patio.

Tables were spread out on the boarder, leaving the center open around the large bonfire where my eyes to land upon all of the masked gazes looking at us.

I started to slip behind Sabina and Ysabel, who stood beside me, but was stopped by the latter as she wrapped her arm around mine, keeping me in place.

She leaned in, whispering, “Don’t let your confidence falter, you have judgmental eyes on you.”

As her words hit my ears, my eyes landed on Katryn, standing next to Nickolai, near the king's table. I smothered the snarl that tried to form on my face at the sight of her, choosing instead to stand straighter as I feigned the confidence I’d had up in the tower.

We continued our walk out onto the patio and the crowd parted for us, slowly slipping back into the conversations they were in before we arrived.

Some of my confidence started to feel less faked as I took in the powerful feeling of walking in with these women.

Together, we had quieted a crowd at our arrival, and that was a feeling that overshadowed all the rest.

We strolled through the assorted games enveloped by enthusiastic and squealing children, which were positioned in the field outside the several tables, before coming back to the patio.

The green leaves of the trees within view were just starting to turn yellow, with some of the fronds scattering on the ground.

On the tabletops, different shades of squash—ranging from orange to white—decorated the center.

At one point, I couldn't stop myself from taking a deep breath through my nose, inhaling the intoxicating smells of the food surrounding them.

My mouth watered at the same moment a growl was released from my stomach.

Sabrina and Miriam were the first ones to break away from the group, followed by Nessy who spotted another friend. Right after she left, a staff member came up to Ysabel and I with a tray of more champagne that we each gratefully took before moving closer to the table of food.

Between the elegance of everything along with the number of people, I couldn’t help but feel out of place and overwhelmed with it all.

It must’ve been written on my face because in the next moment Ysabel explained, “The first few celebrations are the hardest, but you will get used to it eventually.”

“I’m not sure this is something I can ever get used to,” I countered, plucking a grape from the tray surrounding a large roasted pig and popping it into my mouth.

The sweet juice of the ripe fruit burst along my tongue, but I was instantly distracted from the flavor by the sudden rise of the hair on the back of my neck.

I knew who it was immediately, as there was only one person who had drawn such a reaction from me.

“I hope to change your mind on that,” the smooth deep voice behind me quipped, having clearly eavesdropped.

Before I could face him, Nickolai leaned in, chest brushing my bare arm, as he too grabbed some grapes.

He pulled back and I turned to face him right as he ate a piece, drawing my eyes to his lips.

The sight reminded me of a time, long ago, when we sat at the table in the cottage eating apple slices.

He looked the same as he did that day, having not changed at all other than now he stood before me with shorter hair and a smooth gold mask that was molded perfectly to his face, stopping halfway down his nose.

He also now wore a dark blue suit jacket with gold embellishments, which matched my dress, over his black tunic and pants.

I notably scanned him from head to toe before meeting his gaze once more with narrowed eyes, “Did you copy me?”

He held his hands up with a sly but honest grin, “How could I have known that you would be wearing that? I should be asking if you copied me.”

I scoffed at his accusation, but my attitude rapidly changed to nervousness as I watched him truly take in my outfit.

His gaze traveled up my skirts, roaming over the beading that still showed large bare patches of my stomach before briefly stopping at the slim strips covering just enough of my breast to be appropriate while daring.

His eyes continued their scan of my neck, face, and mask before finally stopping at my eyes.

Clearing his throat—something that seemed to be a habit of his—he held my stare. “You look absolutely beautiful.”

My cheeks blushed and I dropped my gaze to the table beside us, “Thank you. . . Your Highness.” I added the last part in a mocking tone with a wicked smirk and shifted my sight back to him in time to see the look in his eyes change from that of awe to hunger.

Since the interaction with him the night before, there was a palpable shift between us.

One that left me uncertain about what to say or do.

I wasn’t sure whether he only said those things to me because he knew I was intoxicated and he was counting on me to not remember, or if he truly meant them.

Which, if it was the second, then what did that even mean for us?

It didn’t change anything. My body’s desire for him didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t afford to have someone trying to break down my walls or adding to the pain that needed to be buried.

But yet, there was still an undeniable shift.

Movement from my peripheral pulled my gaze from his, landing on Ysabel, who stood beside us awkwardly.

Her own eyes shifted back and forth between me and Nickolai, with a look of both questioning and intrigue.

I stepped over to her, wrapping my arm around hers before turning to look back at Nickolai.

“Excuse us, but we really must be going,” I said, tossing him a smile as we turned, eager to get away from the feelings my body had when I was around him.

“Mira, wait!” he rushed, throwing out a hand in our path.

I don’t know if it was the tone of his voice, or the change between us, but something in me decided to stop—to hear what he had to say—only this once.

My foot paused mid-step, and at the sight of me waiting, he continued, “Will you at least do me the honor of a dance?” He held out his hand to me like he had at the first ball.

This time I couldn’t bring myself to say no. Instead, I felt the smile on my lips widen slightly before I suggested, “Ask me again later.”

Pulling Ysabel along, I forced myself not to look back as I put the much-needed space between me and Nickolai.

We walked closer to the forest, letting the screams of the children muffle the questions that Ysabel was bound to ask.

It took her no more than thirty seconds once we were out of earshot for her to lean toward me.

Gripping my arm, she half-squealed and half-whispered, “Please tell me you two are finally done trying to fight each other.”

“No,” I lied as the smirk that still clung to my face pulled a blush to my cheeks.

This time she didn’t drop the subject like she had done many times before. “Bullshit, something has changed between you two!”

I shook my head, even though my heart skipped a beat at her comment, making another part of me tense up.

“We had a moment last night, but that was it, and I don’t think he even knows I remember because I was drunk,” I said, rushing out the last part as she tried to interrupt me mid-sentence from excitement.

“How is that nothing?!” she quietly squealed.

I sighed, stopping our walk so I could face her. “Because he and I can’t be anything more than what we are now.”

“Why not?” Ysabel's hazel eyes sparkled with hope even though it dwindled slightly at my disappointing words.

Rolling my eyes, I explained, “I’m still hanging on by a thread, and I can’t risk letting him hurt me in any more ways than he already has.”

Her eyes softened. “Right, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, giving her hand a squeeze.

“You know, you don’t have to give in emotionally. . .” she offered enticingly.

My eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

She lifted a brow at me, “Stick to strictly sex and fun. Maybe he can help you feel something other than pain and grief, and if you are going to do something, might I suggest you do it quietly. Remember, Katryn has been asking around about you, and we both know what happens when you’re on her radar. ”

Ysabel didn’t bother to say anything more on the subject, and neither did I as my mind began to wander with the idea and possible consequences that could keep me from letting myself indulge in my body’s desires. Which for some reason all seemed like bad excuses not to.

To my brain's benefit, I didn’t have long to think on it, as Nessy waved us over to sit beside her at the king’s table, with Sabina and Miriam already seated at the end. Loughlan, Zeke, the former queen, and a few other unknown faces were on the opposite side.

It was the first time I’d ever seen the former queen up close. Her face was pinched from what was most likely many years of constant judgement and disgust, but beneath that, I could see a glimmer of the woman I had heard stories about from her children. Children that were a spitting image of her.

The rest of the crowd followed suit in finding their seats, each person picking a spot among the tables as they turned to look in our direction.

To look at Nickolai.