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Chapter fifteen

I didn't bother to wait for them before I got on Blue and took off back to the castle.

Rage fueled me, which Blue mercifully understood as she ran at full speed in the direction we came.

The earthy wind blew past me, whipping my hair back as the pounding of each hoof in the ground released my anger like each one was a punch.

When I felt like we were far enough away from them, I let her rest near a field of wildflowers.

Two bouquets of flowers joined the saddle bag before continuing the long trek.

We reached the river sooner than I thought we would and I let the horse take a drink once we crossed while I tossed one of the bouquets in the river—saying a silent prayer for all of the lives that had been lost in the forest to the beasts.

It had been a painful three months, and now there was proof other than the gaping holes in my chest and life.

I reached the gate at sundown, the guards there looking at me questioningly.

It hadn't occurred to me how I would appear with the blood-stained hands and five out of six people in my group missing. Thankfully, they believed me when I explained that the group would be behind shortly—something that probably won’t go over well for them later.

The stables weren't far from the wall and soon I was dismounting onto my weak legs.

Giving Blue a scratch on her forehead and the last good vegetable in my bag, I made my way into the palace, ignoring the looks of each person that I passed.

My patience was wearing thin, and I did not have the energy to even feel any semblance of self-consciousness.

When I entered my room, I breathed a deep sigh of relief to have at least a few hours of space from Nickolai and his antics. It was one thing to be in the same building as him, but on a hunt with only four other people—that was torture.

I’d just started to unpack my bag, when there was a knock at the door, and the long red hair I’d expected to find was instead short, dark, and wavy.

“Where are they?” Zeke growled.

“They are a few hours behind,” I explained.

“For someone who has been hell-bent on explaining to everyone how dangerous it is to be in the forest, you sure seem to have no problem going into it.”

I released a frustrated breath and pinched the bridge of my nose to help with the headache that was already building. “I didn’t think about it at the time.”

Zeke’s eyes caught on the blood, and he paled. “What happened?”

“Nickolai is an ass,” I remarked, rolling my eyes at the memory of what he had done.

A hint of a smile formed on his face, which he tried to hide. “He’s alive, though, right?”

I nodded, sitting down on the bed—ready for this day to be over already. “I don’t know how.”

“What do you mean?” Zeke asked, sitting in the chair beside the door. I could see a weight had been lifted off him from just the announcement that Nickolai was all right and the reminder that he was second-in-command, struck me.

“I thought fae couldn’t heal from beast wounds?”

He laughed as if just the thought of it was idiotic. “There are only a few beasts that fae can’t heal from.”

“Like the narsarak?” I asked, thinking back to the bear-like beast that had nearly taken Nickolai’s life before.

“Yeah,” he paused, watching me briefly before asking, “Are you okay?”

This was the most I’d heard him speak, let alone to me, and for some reason I couldn’t help but vent to him.

“I hate him. With every cell in my body, I fucking hate him. He has done nothing but make my life worse and worse, even when he wasn’t there.

And yet when I thought he was going to die today.

. . I completely lost it.” I finished with a sigh that did nothing to help the tension in my shoulders.

“Well, if you ever want to forget. . .” Zeke joked as he waved his fingers at me.

The humor was lost on me as the realization hit me that his seal was so much more than just looking into people’s minds. Curiosity taking hold, I asked, “Is there ever a time it doesn’t work?”

“Sometimes. . . if an event is too strong to be written away, it will eventually break through the web of lies I put over it. But you have to be really skilled when you use that part of this seal because you can make someone lose their mind.” Dread filled my stomach at the idea, and at the look on my face, Zeke added, “And no, I haven’t tried it on Nic.

He lost his mind before we met, and that was when we were nine. ”

An unintentional smile pulled at the corners of my mouth at Zeke’s second attempt to lighten the mood. His eyes sparkled, covering up the darkness that usually showed within as his own smile spread across his face, looking almost boyish.

“Thank you.”

“No problem,” he replied, and went to get up right as Ysabel appeared in the doorway. “Perfect timing,” he said, nodding to her.

Once he left, I grabbed the bouquet of flowers and handed them to her. “You know what to do with these.”

Her face split into a grin as she grabbed them before wrapping me in a hug. “I’m glad you’re back.”

I hugged her back, a smile tugging at my lips, “Me too, now go get the wine. I’m going to take a bath, and then we are going to get drunk.” She giggled and took off toward the kitchen.

The rest of the night was filled with me telling Ysabel everything that happened, along with too much wine, and regret on my part as I was clearly the one who couldn’t hold my liquor.

Ysabel left a little past midnight after we emptied two bottles, in need of some sleep.

I had tried to get some of my own, but spent the night tossing and turning in bed, wondering if the group made it back.

After the early morning sun filled the windows of my room, I decided to give up, opting to take another bath to help me relax.

It wasn’t long before I was sinking into the warm water, the smells of oils filling the room.

Bubbles danced along the surface as the bizarreness of what my life had come to took up the silence in my head.

Scenes of my past played over and over again, followed by what I should’ve done—each mistake sending a pain through my chest.

Leaning back, the liquid lapped over my skin.

Reaching my chin, then my nose, then my eyes, until I was fully submerged.

My body floated directly under the surface, and at last, silence filled me once again.

I basked in the peace, losing track of the time that passed and the pain in my lungs as they screamed for air. I could stay here forever.

Cold suddenly hit my wet skin as I was pulled back above the water. I gasped and coughed—my lungs beginning to instinctively work again. When I opened my eyes, I found Nickolai in the bath. His clothes clung to his body, with his grip tight on my arms as fury pulsed from him.

“What are you doing?” I croaked, pushing against his chest to back away from him, but his grip held firm.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he commanded, his voice bordering on a yell.

“I’m taking a bath!” I exclaimed, folding my arms over my naked chest.

“BULLSHIT!” he yelled, fingers automatically tightening.

I tugged against his hold. “Let go of me!” His grip immediately disappeared, and I took the chance to get out of the tub and put on a robe.

Turning around, my eyes landed on him as he sauntered out of the water, the liquid pouring from his clothes. His white tunic turned translucent against his tan skin, clinging to his muscles.

“What are you even doing in here?” I seethed.

“I came to apologize for yesterday. But imagine my surprise when I walked in to see you trying to drown yourself!” he scolded.

I crossed my arms over my chest again to hide my hardening nipples at the sight of him, hissing, “I wasn’t trying to drown myself. I just. . . wanted peace and quiet.”

He continued to glare, anger dialing back. His clothes continued to drip, splashing water on the tiles. “What happened to you?”he shouted. "What happened to the woman I knew in the woods? Because whoever this person is—"

I balked at him for a split second before absolute rage took over and I charged toward him, cutting him off.

“You have no right! You don’t get to know anything about me anymore.

Anything that has happened to me is none of your fucking business because you left!

” I finished, pushing into his chest as I lost the battle the tears that welled up in my eyes. He didn’t budge.

His gaze softened, “If you would just let me explain, Tiny.”

The use of his nickname for me sent a whole new wave of aggravation running through my veins. “STOP CALLING ME THAT!" I thundered. "And there is nothing you can say that would make up for what you did and continued to do for the last five years!”

Nickolai snapped and his words poured out, enveloping the space around us, “So if I told you that Zeke had tracked me to your cottage to tell me that my father was dying. That wouldn’t explain it enough for you?

” I retreated a step at the shock that hit me.

I’d known that the former king passed down the throne a few years ago, but I had yet to think or even question why.

Nickolai continued, anger and hurt showing through his eyes clear as day, “How about when I went looking for you again? After my father died, I tried to get you out of my mind for months. But when I couldn’t, I came back to the cottage and you weren’t there.

I stayed for three days outside your door, eventually giving up because I thought you had left!

I thought about nothing but you, every day, for nearly five years.

Telling myself each time that you were better off without me.

. . You’re still better off without me.” He blew out a breath, looking away as he ran his fingers through his hair to collect himself.

“Are you going to tell me that that isn’t enough? ” he finished.