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Chapter sixteen

I spent the next five days in my room, unable to form enough energy to see or speak to anyone other than Ysabel, Nessy, and the occasional Loughlan. Only moving out of bed to view the city under the moonlight from the balcony, which still took my breath away.

It was suggested that I read as a way to do something with my time, but even that couldn’t hold my interest. Some of the books were about the creation and the monsters while the others were for a pleasure read.

But none of them had useful information to help figure out what was happening now.

Which led to the stacks of them adorned with an envelope full of brown hair lying beside my bed.

I’d received the envelope two days after I arrived back from our trip. No note, nothing to say who it was from. But it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Katryn was warning me. Not that I could bring myself to care, as my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about what Nickolai said to me.

A daze captured my very being and left me barely able to recollect what was said when the people I’d quickly come to call my friends checked in on me.

The days started to blur as the life and spirit within me began to drain away.

Being around Nickolai had become too much.

Every time I saw him, there was a fifty percent chance that his presence would either ignite the flame within once more or douse it with hurt and the constant back and forth left me utterly drained.

On the fifth morning, Nessy barged into my room. “Alright, get up! You can continue to be upset if you want, but you’re going to get up and do something instead of withering away.”

I slowly turned in the chair I had brought to sit near the window, fire instantly lighting in my belly at her accusation, “You think I want to be upset?”

“Yeah, I do. I think it gives you the attention you want, especially from my brother.” She glared, her comment hitting me so hard it knocked the air from my lungs. The red mist that had faded to a dull gray over the past few days suddenly lit to life.

“I don’t want anyone's attention, especially his.” My voice was a low growl, one I had yet to hear come from me.

“Then maybe we need to leave you alone with the kepsing, since the damn monsters seem to be the only thing that draws something from you.”

Confusion at Nessy’s words filled me even as blood pounded in my ears.

I’d never heard her speak to me in this manner, let alone in these words.

Something was off about her, her body tense from the moment she walked in, and I knew that if we continued to be in the same room, this would end with one of us on the floor bleeding.

I made an effort to move past her, toward the escape of the bathroom door, but she caught my arm—stopping me before shoving her hands to my chest. In the next second, my fist connected with her cheek, and she stumbled, gripping her face.

When she stood my body nearly went into shock at the smile upon her lips.

My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. “What’s so funny?”

She rubbed her cheek. “I just won fifty copper.”

I reared back, “What?”

“We all made a bet to see who could get you out of the room, but then it turned into a bet on whether I could get you to punch me,” she explained.

My chest ached. “Why would you do that?”

She must not have been expecting my reaction because at the look on my face guilt crossed hers and she said, “Oh Mira, I’m sorry, I was only trying to get you to have a reaction to something.

” She reached for me and I was too stunned to step away.

Her apple scent filled the air as she leveled me with a look.

“The girl I met last week had clearly been through some shit, but she still had fire. But this girl you have been these past few days. . . She seems like someone who has completely given up.” Nessy hesitated saying the next part but continued, “Is it worth losing everyone you just gained in your life to just stay holed up in a room?”

I flinched, tears springing to my eyes. “You have no idea what I have lost. . . what I would be willing to lose now to get it all back,” I choked out.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, making her look like a fish out of water, before she dropped her head. “You’re right, we don’t, and we won’t know if you don’t open up to us.”

Grinding my teeth together, I muttered, “If I do. . ." I couldn't even allow myself to say the words without completely falling apart. "It's just a risk I cannot take yet.”

She nodded, “Then at least train with me, take your anger and hurt out in the gym. Do something so you don’t turn into nothing.

” Now it was my turn to gape at her. Placing both of her hands on my biceps, she forced me to look up into her deep brown eyes.

“I really enjoyed getting to know each other on our trip, and I hope that you won’t stop learning about us or letting us learn about you. ”

I hesitated but soon realized that she was right—this wouldn’t be what he wanted for me.

Even though her words had stung, it was clear now that it was exactly what I needed to hear.

The past few days had left me with absolutely none of the fire that I needed to keep moving forward.

But now I could feel that my body was lit to life once more while the mist in me danced with fervor.

“Okay,” I whispered.

A soft smile graced her face. “Good—now let me make it up to you by getting you something with my winnings.”

I summoned a half-smirk at her, “You mean my winnings?”

Her jaw dropped, “What? No! I took a punch to the face for them, they are mine.”

“Oh, come on, I’m sure it felt like nothing more than a tickle to you.”

She rubbed her cheekbone as we exited the room. “Actually, that was a pretty strong hit. Now I see how you broke Nickolai’s face.”

My brows furrowed, and I was about to question how my hits could do so much damage to them when my eyes caught on Nickolai down the hall. He glanced in our direction as if he could sense my presence and hastily ended the conversation with his guard to walk away from us.

He usually took every chance he could to talk to me, even when I told him not to. The fact that I may have truly pushed him away for good after I just got him back had my stomach sinking, creating a feeling that I chose to stuff away in the meantime.

Nessy, who apparently didn’t see Nickolai, continued to guide me throughout the castle, leading me on a tour before collecting the winnings.

She first stopped to show me the semi-formal dining room, where she and the rest of the group usually had dinner.

It was a small, quaint space that had an elegant dining table—similar to the one in the war room—in front of a large set of arched windows.

Pieces of stained glass formed together within the rounded top portion of the arches, creating an array of colors.

Through the windows was a spectacular view of tree-covered mountains, going away from the city, that seemed to get taller and taller as they became painted white the further out they were.

“The ones in the back are the mountains of Arklas,” Nessy clarified.

“They’re beautiful. . ."

Arklas was the third and second largest kingdom on the continent that also contained both fae and humans.

Where Drine had forests, Arklas had massive mountains and summers that were raved about from all over.

It is ruled by the only fae queen, who was rumored to very powerful.

At one point, she was said to have fallen in love with a human, but he ended up being killed by a plague that struck the kingdom's capital.

"I thought about going there after I escaped,” I admitted, clearing my throat from the dryness that formed in awe of the view. “The mountains with snow and waterfalls in the summer called to me. But at the time, being near the forest called to me more.”

“If you stick around, you could go with me when I eventually get sent there on business,” she offered with a raised brow.

I finally took my eyes off the view to look at her. “I might take you up on that.”

Once I got my fill of the landscape, we explored the connected room. It had a large fireplace and couches sitting in the middle, with a comfortable reading corner that caught my eye, as did the pool table, making me feel as if they were all truly just a couple of kids having to play royalty.

Next she pointed out the library as we continued our mission to the gym.

I glanced through the heavy double doors of wood with carvings cut out and burned into them, finding wall to wall of books with ladders hosting scholars in white robes, reaching for new volumes.

Pillars of white and brown held up a second floor balcony—the colors illuminating with the sunlight that streamed in through a massive set of arched windows that put the ones in the dining room to shame.

This space, like the last, had foregone the white with gold accent theme that was within the majority of the castle. Instead there were richer tones of wood spread throughout, giving a pleasing relief to the eye.

I made a note to come back here and see what it had to offer at another time, before turning back to Nessy. “Why are the library and the dining room so different from the rest of the castle?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.