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Chapter thirteen

G uilt started to eat at me more and more as the day went on. My thoughts raced while the smell of Nickolai still clung to me. Which only added to my torment and desire.

Even though I did think it was much deserved at the time, seeing the shocked looks on everyone else, paired with watching the look of pain that crossed his face, made me start to regret picking that moment to seek vengeance.

After pacing in my tent for another hour, I decided to do something that I was probably going to regret more than stabbing him.All eyes were on me as I walked over to the tent, which was surprisingly just as fancy as everyone else's, and knocked on the pole supporting the door flap.

“Come in,” his gruff voice called out from within, still holding a hint of irritation in his tone.

I walked in to find him dressed in only his pants, the hills of each of his muscles coming together to form a torso that was hard to keep my eyes off of.

Nearly five years later, I still had a hard time drawing my eyes away from the bareness of his chest. Dried blood surrounded the area where my knife had been, but the spot was completely healed—unlike the scars that had been left where I’d cauterized his wounds.

His frustrated expression did nothing to hide the corner of his mouth upturning at the sight of me clearly staring at him. I locked my gaze on his eyes, ready to get this over with, “I’m sorry I stabbed you. . . when you were unarmed.” I added the last part with a mumble.

He didn’t even try to hide his smugness. “I told you, you would regret it.”

My eyes narrowed at him, which only caused him to shake his head as he chuckled. The sound made my heart race even as my anger increased. I wanted nothing more than to slap the smile off his face, but instead I turned to leave the tent before I could possibly do anything else worth “regretting”.

He stopped me with a hand on my arm—smile gone from his face—replaced by total sincerity, “I’m sorry t—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I said, pulling my arm from his grip and walking out. To my dismay, he followed.

“Why won’t you let me explain?” His growl echoed around us as we stepped into the center that our tents created.

I could feel the emotion within me trying to rise to the surface, to brim my lower eyelids with tears.

Nothing seemed to stop the anger and pain from increasing when I was near him. I was in a constant downward spiral.

I could feel the stares as I suddenly turned to face him again. “Because you don’t deserve it!” I seethed.

His eyes softened and he reached out a hand, “Mira. . . I—”

I stepped back out of his reach. “Just stop! Stop trying to get to know me again. Stop trying to explain. I’m only here to figure out what has changed with the monsters so people can stop dying .

” My voice broke at the last word, and it was an effort not to clear my throat or show any acknowledgement of it.

I knew that if I did, I would break quicker than a piece of glass dropped from a third-floor balcony.

Forcing my feet to move, I walked away, not bothering to look at the faces of those watching or to see who followed a few yards behind me.

My arms wrapped around torso, trying to fight the panic that rose each time I got worked up.

This time, with each step away from him, I could feel myself regaining control over my emotions.

One deep breath after another had the tears that were just beneath the surface disappearing.

When I knew I wouldn’t be having another panic attack anytime soon, I threw a look over my shoulder to see who followed me—it was Loughlan.

“Do you have anything to say?” My voice came out raspy from the yelling and the lump that was only now starting to leave my throat.

He shook his head, catching up to walk beside me, “Only that I’m here to talk. . . if you need.” Like that would ever happen. It would probably get reported right back to Nickolai. These were his friends, his family .

“Thanks,” I replied anyways, facing forward as we continued to walk in silence.

Eventually, Loughlan and I stumbled upon a pair of tracks that were no doubt from a beast. We followed them until they disappeared in the rock that covered the ground near the river.

Even though we couldn’t find the beast, it was at least a sign that one was near.

We walked back to camp, right as the sun began to set, finding fire-roasted salmon and forest mushrooms waiting for us.

Everyone but Nickolai sat around the fire, eating and joking about who could capture a beast on their own, breaking the tension from the day.

Nickolai and Loughlan were to take watch that night, which had me searching for the peace of my tent before he could grace the group with his presence.

As soon as I was away from prying eyes, a weight crashed down on me.

My chest felt heavy, wholly unfamiliar to the typical anxiety and panic.

I quickly changed, shuffling my way over to the bed where I curled into a ball under the covers and muffled my cries with a pillow.

After a while, sleep finally took hold of me.

—

A bright haze covered my vision once again as my eyes caught on to the familiar soft brown hair, his gorgeous face split with a smile.

Laughter bubbled out of me as I dropped my basket full of berries and nuts that I’d foraged, and I too began running across the meadow.

My feet carried me swiftly across the ground hidden beneath the tall grass, after him .

Stopping only when I gasped for air to lie on the ground, letting my body be enveloped by the flowers.

Shades of purples and golds danced on the outskirts of my vision while I trained my eyes on the clouds above me in the piercing blue sky. Fresh air, sullen with a sweet aroma, filtered through my nose and out of my mouth while I worked to catch my breath.

Waiting to be found.

His laugh still echoed around me until the realization that it wasn’t real had me sitting up.

I searched, looking for him, for that smile that melted my heart even after Nickolai.

Panic began to rise as I jumped to my feet.

Air rushed in and out with each push of my legs off the ground.

Trees surrounded by the purple and gold flowers swaying in the breeze were as far as the eye could see, but no soft brown hair.

I screamed his name over and over as I continued my search.

My breath caught, and the ground began to shake as I at last saw him.

—

I awoke screaming, as Nickolai and Loughlan burst into my tent, swords drawn.

I couldn't stop the sounds that tore out of me while the tears continued on from the night before.

Voices became muffled as my ears began to ring and I covered them.

Bringing my chest to my knees, I rocked myself through the cries.

Pain radiated through my body entirely, making my bones ache and stomach churn.

A hand began to softly rub my back before it was joined by another under my knees. I faintly sensed the strong arms lifted me into a solid chest, holding tight even as we laid back on the bed with me on top of the solid torso.

Nickolai

My body shook with the sobs that continued.

I could survive being held captive for half of my life.

I could survive having no home and little food for years.

Hell, I could survive Hugh dying. But this?

This pain felt as if my heart were being dissected from within.

The guilt and anger that I kept fighting day after day, panic attack after panic attack, I didn’t think I could or even wanted to survive this.

These moments had me questioning why I bothered to go on. Had me questioning who I had become. I never used to be this way, even when I was going through what I thought at the time were the worst moments of my life. Never had I been this broken.

The hand still rubbing my back, along with the smooth voice consoling me, eventually had sleep take hold once more.

My eyes opened to light streaming through the fabric of the tent and landed on the king.

His bulking body dwarfed the chair he sat in at the table while drinking a glass of dark liquid—staring at me.

Unsettling green irises with dark circles beneath them watched as I sat up in bed, pulling the blankets around me.

A long silence stretched out as I was unsure of what to say.When I finally found the courage to speak, my voice was barely even a whisper as I said the only thing that came to mind, “Thank you.”

I began to fidget with the fuzz on the blanket as he took his time to respond. Eventually asking, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

The image tried to pull to the forefront of my mind, but I pushed it down, building wall after wall over it. I shook my head, “Nothing happened.”

I didn’t bother to see whether he believed me—I knew he didn’t.

Nickolai released a deep sigh and stood up, his tall frame almost reaching the top of the tent.

The white tunic he wore looked disheveled, and his overgrown hair that was usually neat now looked like he had run his hand through it at least a million times.

“We will be heading out today. Hopefully, we can see something on the road. But if we don’t, we will be setting up the next camp in the heart of the forest.” With that, he walked out, leaving me to the one thing I didn’t want—my thoughts.

I got up, dressing in black pants with a deep green tunic and a reddish-brown leather corset that was of similar shape to the armor I wore, but with straps to help it stay up. I was just pulling on the last strap when Nessy came in bearing what smelled like peanut butter and raspberry strudels.

She whistled at my outfit, “Look at you! Remind me to borrow this,” she said, pointing to the corset before handing me a pastry and taking one for herself.

A small smile tugged at my lips from her comment, ending with my brows knitting together. “What’s this for?”

“I heard you had a rough night, and from my own experience, a sweet breakfast restarts what was going to be a shitty day.” She tapped her food against mine in cheers before taking a large bite and moaning.

I hesitated but soon followed suit, almost spitting it out when she said, “Damn, these are good! I’m glad I found them. ”

Swallowing the large bite, I nearly choked. “Wait, these aren’t yours?”

A sly grin formed across her face. “No.”

My eyes bulged. “Whose are they?”

“Loughlan’s,” she said nonchalantly, with a shrug. My eyes widened even further, and she laughed, “He probably won’t even notice they’re gone.”

Just then, a deep voice came from outside the tent. “Who took my strudels?”

Nessy’s eyes widened like mine, and we gave each other a look, trying not to laugh. But we lost it when those words were joined by Rita saying, “Maybe a squirrel took them?”

At the sound of our laughter, more Nessy’s than mine, the tent flap was pulled open, revealing an irritated Loughlan shadowed by his wings. He glowered, “Hey!”

Nessy slowly grabbed the last pastry and handed it to him, jokingly acting as if at any moment he would explode, while taking another bite of the one in her hand.

He grabbed it and pointed a finger at her face, “Sleep with one eye open tonight, Princess.” She dropped the act and glared at him, but he ignored it, having fully intended to piss her off with the nickname.

Instead, he looked at me with mock surprise entering his face, “And you! I can’t believe you would encourage her! ”

I could see Nickolai packing up things in the camp, trying not to seem interested in the conversation, but the small smile gave him away. Taking another bite of the pastry, I grinned and said over the mouthful, “These’re good!”

His jaw dropped slightly and he went to speak but was interrupted by Nickolai. “Are we going to hunt or complain about nasty pastries all day?” Everyone turned to look at him as if he grew extra heads.

With the size of Nickolai's ego, it wouldn't be a surprise if he had.

Loughlan finally rolled his eyes and took a bite of the strudel in his hand, putting an end to the argument.

We packed up the rest of camp, zipping up the tent doors, which allowed them to be torn down without ruining anything inside.

It was a fascinating concept, and one that I hoped would soon become useful for many others.

Before I knew it, we were on our horses traveling on one of the larger paths and trying to find any sign of the creatures I’d encountered over the past few months.

A small part of me started to feel worried that we hadn’t gotten the proof we needed yet.

I knew it couldn’t have been imagined. But that fact did nothing to stop the doubts that slipped into my head.

None of us talked much—the only sounds coming from the horses and occasional comment between Nessy and Loughlan, who chose to lead the way.

Leaving Nickolai beside me, glancing in my direction every so often.

I tried to ignore it. While I was grateful to him for helping me after my nightmare, in the light of day, I couldn’t stop the rage that still took hold of me.

The feeling of blood rushing through me so fast my heart couldn’t keep up, and the twitter in my stomach from that little red mist of vengeance stirring to life once more.

I felt his face staring at mine yet again, and this time instead of ignoring it, I returned it with a look of my own, glaring him down.

He didn’t seem at all surprised or bothered by being caught, which irritated me even more.

I was about to make a comment when a thought popped into my mind that had me looking around at the faces surrounding me.

A line formed between his brows when they knitted together. “What is it?”

“We’re in a group.” The line between his brow became more defined, as if to say, And? So I clarified, “ And that is why we haven’t seen anything.”

“We have had hunting groups before.”

“Yeah. . . at night.”

He still looked confused, but he continued, “What do you suggest we do, then?”

“We need to set a trap.”