Page 31

Chapter nineteen

A ll hope I had disappeared when I walked into the room with the fully set table surrounded by Nessy, Zeke, Loughlan, Nickolai, and fucking Katryn. I froze at the door, ready to turn around and leave when Nessy smiled, jumping up to direct me to the spot beside her.

Katryn shot me a cold, hard glare that had the fire within me flaring to life for the second time today.I was scared to go up against her before, but now, something else had me wanting to fight back.

My eyes shot to Nickolai, who didn’t bother to look at either one of us—too lost in a conversation with Zeke. It was clear he wanted nothing to do with me, just like I with him.

Directing my gaze elsewhere, I took in the room, landing on Loughlan who kept scooting more and more to the left, away from Katryn—which caused a smile to pull to my lips.

It helped that I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t stand her.

Loughlan looked at me, the realization that he was caught making him drop his head before he discreetly lifted a finger to place it over his lips.

My smile widened further and his eyes shifted downward.

“What’s that?” he asked.

I looked down to see the old fraying book still clutched between my arm and side. “Oh, that’s just a book I found in the library. I wanted to look at it more.”

He shoved a bite of food in his mouth, practically inhaling it before asking, “Looks old, what’s it about?”

Setting it down on the table beside my plate, I started to dish myself up some food from the beautiful assortment set out among the table.

“The gods and goddesses,” I said nonchalantly.

Someone further down the table coughed, causing each head to turn in the direction of the sound.

It was Zeke who seemed to have taken a sip of his water wrong, but the glance that was passed between him and Nickolai, gave me the feeling that it was what I said.

I looked at Nessy and Loughlan, who also seemed to catch on, and they too became confused.

“Something wrong?” Nessy asked.

Nickolai cleared his throat and sat up straighter, “No, just. . . nobody has talked about the gods in a long time.” His stare shifted to me and for the first time since the incident, without absolute disdain, he spoke to me, “What did you find out?”

I hesitated, hating being put on the spot once again, “I found out that there were eight of them, but only five of them were pictured. It is said they created Sedonia, along with the fae and monsters after the first revolution.” I paused, toying with the food on my plate for a brief moment before asking, “Could it be possible that it’s the gods who are changing the monsters? ”

He leaned back, eyes narrowing at the still-full plate before him. “It’s possible.”

There was a dramatic gasp from Katryn as she looked at Nickolai before leaning in and placing her hand on his arm, “I have no doubt that you will protect us, my king.” She dropped her eyes to where her hand touched him before looking back up at him through her lashes, feigning an innocent look.

In my peripheral vision, I could see Nessy rolling her eyes, but no one else said anything more on the subject.

The dining room remained in complete silence other than the occasional start to a conversation that quickly ended in awkwardness.

The tension was palpable, so much so that it felt like it could burst at any second.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen because at last, Nessy suggested, “Mira, do you want to play some pool with Loughlan, Zeke, and me? We can do teams.”

“Sure,” I couldn’t stop my gaze from wandering to Nickolai as I answered.

His smell of leather and pine filled my nose from my spot on the opposite side of the table, drawing me in as he held my stare all the while his hand slid off the table.

Katryn slightly jumped at what undoubtably was his touch finding her leg.

His gaze slowly shifted to her and he motioned her closer with his other hand, which she eagerly obeyed.

My eyes were locked on the sight as I watched Nickolai’s mouth nuzzle into her neck, whispering something that made her heinous laugh fill the room. He must be deaf to stand that noise in his ear.

I finally made myself stop watching, looking at the other three who waited for me instead.

With an apologetic look, I got up, grabbing my book once more, and plastered a smile on my face—not wanting them to see the anguish within me.

For years I’d been adamant about never wanting to see Nickolai again, never wanting to feel anything for him more than hatred.

But for some reason, every time I was around him, I felt drawn to him.

My body perked up at the sight of him, even when my heart and head were both saying no.

We made our way to the other room, Nickolai and Katryn following to sit together on the couch facing us.

I tried to ignore the sight of her fondling him, tracing her fingers across the scars that I’d cauterized.

He watched me with a smirk, arms splayed across the back of the couch, while he enjoyed himself from being touched and from seeing how it clearly frustrated me.

Katryn began to kiss his neck as my turn to play began, and I dropped my gaze to the green felt of the table.

I struck the white ball vigor, sending it straight past the colored one I had wanted it to hit.

My eyes closed and, with an exasperated sigh, I stood once more, throwing a glare at Nickolai.

His smirk widened at my response. Shaking my head in frustration, I turned my attention to Nessy and Loughlan, who began arguing over a rule in the game.

“If the white ball goes in, you can move it wherever you want!” Loughlan exclaimed.

“You do this every time we play! The white ball can only be moved in this part of the table,” she said, gesturing to a third of the table marked off by a line.

“That’s only for in the beginning,” Loughlan countered, turning to Nickolai, “Right, Nic?”

Everyone turned to look at him right as Katryn giggled once more in delight at whatever Nickolai had said to her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she giggled when he said the word toothpaste.

“Nic!” Loughlan shouted, having clearly not gotten his attention the first time.

Nickolai slowly brought his attention to us, his eyes meeting mine first before traveling over to the person shouting his name. “Yes?” he drawled.

“Will you settle this?” Loughlan asked.

“I’m busy, ask Zeke.”

Nessy rolled her eyes and scoffed in disgust, “Get a room.”

Katryn stopped her renewed assault on Nickolai’s neck to glare at her.

“Excuse you!” Before Nessy could react, which by the way she tensed told me she was about to, Nickolai leaned into Katryn’s neck again, whispering something.

In the next moment, she left with a large grin and a sour look in her eyes directed at Nessy and me.

As soon as she was for sure out of earshot, Loughlan looked to Nickolai, “Why do you even invite her?”

Nickolai's jaw clenched, causing the muscle to tick, and with a glare at me, he said, “I could ask the same of you guys.”

My eyes narrowed at him, but it was Nessy who spoke on my behalf, “We invited Mira because she isn’t a bitch.”

He too got off the couch and moved for the door, murmuring under his breath, “Beg to differ.”

I stepped in front of him, blocking his way out of the room. He faltered, and my neck strained from staring up at him as I accused, “What’s your problem?”

His gaze narrowed on me, glancing down to my lips for a brief second before returning to my eyes, “You are my problem—”

“Why, because I was honest?” I asked, my voice raising.

“YES!” His shout was so loud and in my face that it made me flinch. He too was shocked by his level of aggressiveness, and the anger that was written on his face quickly ebbed away.

It wasn't like it was the first time I had been yelled at, hell I've been beaten and left bruised by men. But it has been a long time since I've had to experience that level of aggression aimed at me, and something about that yell brought back every feeling I had from when I was younger.

Nickolai reached out a hand toward me that I again unconsciously flinched away from. Crossing my arms around myself, I stepped out of his way and he released a sigh. His fingers threaded through his hair as he looked around to everyone else for help before giving up and walking out of the room.

Nessy walked over to me, placing a hand on my arm. “You okay?”

“Yeah. . . let's play,” I said, shaking myself out of the stupor.

We played for a few hours, and eventually I started to forget about Nickolai, Katryn, and what they would most likely be doing at that very moment.

I began to feel myself open up and forget everything around me when I was with this group.

They had a way about them that kept you on your toes, unable to wallow for even a second.

We went our separate ways well into the night, the quiet of the corridor settling a peace over me and the fairly good evening.

My steps were a bit wobbly from the many glasses of wine that Nessy insisted I try.

Although she was rapidly becoming a best friend to me, she had a tendency to be a bit of a bad influence.

Hence my having to grip the wainscoting of the wall for balance, while my other hand clung onto the book from the library.

When I reached the destination, my brows knit in a furrow at the missing Sigric and open door.

I tried to sober up my mind as I bent down on shaky knees for the dagger tucked along my leg.

Stepping into the room, blade at the ready, my gaze landed on the large man slouched in the chair set along the wall.

I relaxed slightly, enough to drop the blade to my side.

Familiar green eyes met mine in the moonlight illuminating the room through the open windows. The walls around me began to sway, and it took more effort than it should’ve for me to stumble over to my bed, tossing the book on the side table in the process.

He must have watched my struggle because the moment I sat to face him, he voiced, “You’re drunk.” There was no question in his words, only pure observation.

I leaned my body against the post at the end of the bed, letting my warm cheek press against the cool wood. With a slight slur I replied, “Youu can thank yourr sisster for that.”

Nickolai’s eyes were trained on the carpet as he shook his head, his voice staying calm and collected, “You shouldn’t be so reckless.”

I sat up, lifting my chin in defiance. “And you sshouldn’t be so mean.”

After a few beats, he finally looked me in the eye, regret written all over his face, “You’re right.

” His words had my head rearing back, forcing me to grip the bed post when it pulled my balance.

I hadn’t expected him to agree with me, let alone admit it aloud.

Nickolai’s face fell into a look of defeat—something I have never seen from him.

“The words I have been so scared to hear, you said them. . . And they hurt me more than I thought they ever could.” He admitted.

“I’m sorry, Nickolai,” I whispered, dropping my gaze to the floor.

He stood and walked over to me. Gripping my chin, he forced me to look up at him.

“No. I’m sorry,” Nickolai paused, his eyes searching mine before at last he continued, “even though you said it’s not enough, you’re still the tiny angel that saved me—That is something that I can never get over, Mira.

. . I’m not going to stop fighting for you. ”

I gasped slightly, which pulled his gaze to my lips.

A great war was breaking out within me at his body being so close, nearly within reach.

There was one side that wanted to remind me of the pain and agony, not to mention the grief that he caused me.

But the other side was screaming out the memories of how his lips and touch felt on my skin, making my body react to the thought.

I dropped my head and clenched my legs together. “You sshould go, ‘cause I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting with myself to not kiss you,” I admitted.

He stepped back, giving me space to at last breathe air that wasn’t filled with his intoxicating scent.

My head still swam from the alcohol, which increased even more as Nickolai returned to grab my hand that rested on my lap, while my other one still gripped the post. His fingers lightly grazed my thigh before they wrapped around my own, lifting my hand to his mouth where he placed a gentle kiss upon the back of it before saying, “Goodnight, Tiny.”

With that, he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him with a click.

I jumped up, and as briskly and steadily as I could, locked the door before turning around to press my back against it.

I took large gulps of air to collect myself from the way Nickolai made my body betray everything I’d felt for the past five years within five seconds.

Once the singing of my body stopped, I attempted to change, using the end of the bed for leverage when I went to put on my shorts.

By the time I crawled between the deliciously cold sheets, my eyes were heavy from exhaustion.

But letting my body relax enough to sleep proved to be an almost impossible task.

I tried over and over again to quiet my brain, failing each time as the words that Nickolai said replayed in my mind.

Bringing along questions with them that rattled me to my core.

I couldn’t help but think that he had a very good reason for being upset.

If it had been me, and someone had said the one thing I had feared to hear, I too would be upset—if not pissed.

And, while I didn't like to admit it, I too had a tendency to take my feelings out on those around me. My thoughts eventually swam with the idea of telling him about my past five years, or at least where I was on the days he had returned to the cottage. But I couldn’t finish the idea without it cracking the walls inside me, making me want to be sick.

Hours later, darkness surrounded me with the help of the alcohol, making all thoughts of Nickolai disappear.