Page 55

Chapter thirty-six

W e got back to Nickolai’s suite and I quickly made my way to the bathroom to clean myself up—the mess from the opera running down my legs.

Even as I wiped myself off I couldn’t help the cheek-aching smile that filled my face.

Nickolai surprisingly transformed a time that I’d been dreading into a time that I reveled in the sensations of, even still.

I finished in the bathroom, walking out to yet another surprise that had even more of my walls crumbling.

His tall frame stood behind one of the two chairs at a newly added table adorned with a full spread.

Flames from the two center candles flickered off the crystal glasses filled to the brim with a liquid hosting thousands of bubbles.

I felt my heart leap into my chest as I took in the table and then the look on Nickolai’s face.

There was a hint of excitement within his eyes, breaking through his outwardly calm demeanor.

My gaze wandered down his body that I hadn't been able to admire before, soaking up every mouth-watering inch. From his broad shoulders to the sleeves of his white cuffed shirt which was rolled up—showing off tan skin. My eyes continued down to sleek black pants that hugged his legs perfectly in every way. When I finally lifted my gaze again, I found a large cocky grin on his face from my blatant ogling. “You better watch yourself, Tiny. Keep looking at me like that, and I won’t be able to control myself tonight.”

“Promise?” The voice that escaped me was surprisingly light and playful.

The corner of Nickolai’s mouth pulled up even higher, but instead of responding any further, he pulled the chair away from the table—offering it up to me.

I walked toward him, our gaze locked with each step, which only broke when I finally sat down.

Nickolai took his seat and I looked at the table before me once again.

“What’s all this for?” I asked, dragging my eyes away from the polished silverware and covered dishes.

“Like I said earlier, I want a fresh start, and I don’t plan on wasting it,” Nickolai clarified, laying his napkin on his lap. “So we’re going to sit and talk while enjoying a delicious meal.”

I copied his movements, trying not to show the excitement coursing through me at the idea.

One of the staff members from the kitchen walked in to remove the covers on our plates before disappearing once again.

Both of the plates housed mouthwatering stuffed vegetables and salmon that forced me to pull a deep breath through my nose, instantly groaning in response to the amazing smells of the food.

When I opened my eyes, Nickolai was watching me, and I felt the familiar blush rise from the base of my neck.

“What?” I asked shyly.

He shook his head. “Nothing, I just love watching you.”

I rolled my eyes at him in response, the smile on my face getting wider. Changing the subject, I finally said, “What would you like to talk about?”

He grabbed his fork and began digging into his food before responding, “I want to find out everything I can about you and for you to find out everything about me. For instance, is purple still your favorite color?” I was stunned. Nickolai stopped eating to watch me, waiting for a response.

I slowly nodded. Clearing my throat, I finally found my voice again. “You remembered,” was all I could think of to say. Was that why he put me in a purple bedroom?

Reading the shock on my face, he explained, “I have thought about those two days we spent together every day. Everything we said. . . and did.”

I lifted my brow at him in a challenge. “Oh, really? What did you make me for breakfast?”

“Cinnamon and apple bread,” he answered confidently.

“That was an easy one.”

“Why was I fighting that beast?” he countered.

I chuckled, the answer springing to my mind.

“You went out for a hunt to escape your father and somehow the beast ‘nicked’ you,” I said, throwing finger quotes into the air at the word ‘nicked’.

Nickolai joined me in a laugh as we reminisced about that moment from so long ago.

“Did the use of that word work? Did you keep your dignity?” I questioned.

“Oh, not at all!” he shook his head, “As soon as I told Zeke and Loughlan the story behind the scars on my chest, they made fun of me nonstop. There was even a time when I woke up to a giant stuffed bear at the end of my bed.” I threw my head back laughing as the image of Nickolai waking up to the sight of a bear in his room filled my head.

What made it even funnier was the fact that I could imagine the plotting exchange between Loughlan and Zeke.

When I was able to catch my breath, I asked, “What happened once you found out it was them?”

It probably wasn’t a good idea for me to take a drink of my champagne at the moment he said, “I made sure they woke up to real bears in their room.” As soon as the words registered in my brain, I choked on the bubbly liquid.

Seeing my reaction, Nickolai jumped to his feet and rushed to my side, “Shit, are you all right?”

I nodded, coughing a few times before smiling and finally answering, “Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

Nickolai chuckled as he sat back down, “Part of the perks to being the king, I guess.”

He has probably had women throwing themselves at him due to being king—hell, Katryn did it blatantly. I gathered food onto my fork, working up the courage I needed to ask my next question. After a moment, I took a deep breath, asking, “What other perks are there to being king?”

Nickolai lifted a brow at me and finished chewing the food in his mouth before replying, “What perks do you want to know about?”

I dropped my gaze to my plate, too nervous to voice the words aloud. The question had been eating at me since the moment I saw him again. Taking a deep breath, I rushed the words out so quickly they were practically jumbled, “Haveyousleptwithanyoneelse?”

I’m not sure what reaction I’d anticipated, but the full belly laugh that came from across the table was not one of them. Lifting my eyes from my plate to Nickolai, I watched with furrowed brows as he tried to catch his breath. Anger from his reaction rising from the pit in my stomach.

“What’s so funny?” I asked through gritted teeth.

He shook his head. “Mira, I’m laughing because after all the times I’ve said it, you still don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“Get the fact that I was waiting for you.” His words made all the air in my lungs rush from me.

“I didn’t sleep with anyone else, not even Katryn that night before Harvest Day.

. . To be honest, I was only flirting with her to piss you off.

” I rolled my eyes at that last sentence, but his sudden grip on both of my hands had my attention pulling right back to those emeralds. “I want you and only you.”

My gaze slid down to our joined hands, and I spoke in barely a whisper as I admitted, “I want you too. . . and I never slept with anyone else either.”

His face split into a grin. “Good, because I wasn’t planning on letting you go if an ex came back into the picture,” he said with a wink.

Between him and the alcohol the heat in my cheeks worsened.

“Now onto more serious questions. . .” he said, pausing to feign weighty thought.

My heart rate picked up in anticipation.

After a few seconds, Nickolai perked up, “What’s your favorite season? ”

I picked up my napkin off my lap and threw it at him—he caught it with ease. “That is not a serious question!”

He held his hands up in a shrug, my napkin still in his hand, “It is to me!” I shook my head in disbelief, unable to stop the giggles that he pulled from me.

“I guess if I had to pick one, it would probably be spring.”

“Why is that?”

Toying with the food on my plate, I answered with a half-truth, “Because I love the flowers.”

He watched me with an unreadable look in his eyes, one that seemed warm but was full of so many more inquiries at the same time. After a moment, he broke the trance between us by saying, “Your turn.”

I sat up straighter, trying to think of what to ask.

I had so many questions for him, and while I now had the time to ask him, it didn’t stop me from being crushed by the decision of choosing which ones to do first. Taking another bite of my food, I leaned back in my chair and narrowed my eyes at Nickolai.

He waited patiently for me, not a hint of worry written on his face or a bead of sweat on his forehead.

Finally, I asked coolly, “How do you like being king?”

I could tell my question was not one that he was expecting by the way he took a deep breath to collect himself.

I’d just turned our playful conversation into a serious one.

Nickolai adjusted himself in the chair, sitting up a little bit straighter.

“It grows on you, but I miss the days when I could go off, doing anything I wanted, without having to worry about anyone other than myself.”

“It must be exhausting.”

“It’s certainly not for the faint-hearted,” he agreed. We both took another bite of our food before Nickolai asked, “What are some things you like to do?”

My mind immediately thought about Aedon. All of the things we used to do together. Drawing, foraging, learning about the forest, even singing—which I couldn’t even think about doing again without him.

What was I doing? How could I be sitting here, laughing and having fun when he is no longer by my side? Tears began brimming in my lower eyelids.

“Shit. Mira, I’m sorry.”

Shaking my head, I lowered my gaze to my lap. “No. No, it’s not you.” My voice was mousy and weak, making me cringe internally at how fast I had just fallen apart. "I should go."

I moved to leave but was blocked off by Nickolai’s frame. “Mira, wait—” Keeping my eyes firmly planted on his chest before me, I resisted the urge to look up into his eyes. Nickolai grabbed me by my shoulders, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Turning my head, I looked at the fireplace, the wall, at anything other than him. I wanted nothing more than to leave—but instead I felt myself admitting one of my deepest secrets, “I feel guilty. Every time I laugh, or go a few moments without thinking about him not being here. . .”

Nickolai’s hand slipped under my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes, “Do you really think he wouldn’t want you to laugh again?”

My chin trembled under his touch, and I shook my head slightly. “I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be happy anymore.”

Nickolai gathered me into his arms, pressing me against his chest, as he said, “That’s not true.

I refuse to let it be true.” I sucked in breath after breath, grounding myself to block out the overwhelming emotions: Nickolai’s pine scent filling my nose, his warm body pressing tightly against mine, our lungs taking turns gathering breath.

Nickolai pulled me away from him to look me in the eyes once more.

“It’s not true, Mira,” he repeated sternly.

I nodded at him in agreement even though I didn’t feel the same way.

I knew at that moment he needed the reassurance that I was going to be a person again, even if it wasn’t true.

Wall after wall was built over my all-too-familiar feelings, stuffing them down enough for me to collect myself.

I just need to wait until I’m alone , I told myself.

Something behind me caught Nickolai’s attention, pulling an awe-filled look to his formerly serious face. Turning around in his arms, my gaze landed on it. Outside the balcony doors were large white flakes falling slowly from the now black sky.

The first snowfall of the year. . . This soon?

Grabbing my hand, Nickolai walked us over to the balcony.

As we got closer, the countless lights from the city came into view, skewed by the blizzard blanketing the ground in the distance between.

Instinctually, I moved in front of him to twist the knob on the door.

The outside air was colder than I’d imagined, rushing through the gap I created as I opened the door wider.

We both stepped outside, looking around us at the beautiful falling pieces.

Memories of the first time Aedon saw snow tried to fill my mind, but I shut them away. I needed to keep myself together—for Nickolai.

“How is it snowing already?” I questioned.

“It must be an early winter,” Nickolai said nonchalantly. Warm arms surrounded me as he pressed the front of his body into my back. “I would’ve thought your favorite season was winter. It seems the most fitting for you.”

Just like that, we moved on from what happened inside, as if it never happened, like it was only a smear on the night that we could somehow wipe away.

I bit my tongue, because he didn’t understand.

He would never understand why winter, of all the seasons, was at the bottom of my list. While it was beautiful, Nickolai’s never needed to survive the freezing cold temperatures.

But that wasn’t his fault. He didn’t choose the way his life worked out or the way mine worked out. We simply had. . . differences.

“You seem like a summer person,” I responded, trying to keep the conversation neutral.

I felt the rumble of his chuckle against my back, “And you would be right, but winter is my second favorite. . . I think it has something to do with when this five-foot-nothing human somehow hauled my nearly dead body through the snow, almost cutting me up more in the process.”

I threw a playful smack back at his shoulder, which only made him laugh harder before the mood around us shifted.

Looking up over my shoulder at him, we stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like a painfully long time, which in reality was only a few seconds before Nickolai finally leaned in.