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Chapter thirty-seven

I woke up in the middle of the night with a start, Nickolai still naked in bed beside me.

After we came back inside, we shared a bath before spending hours exploring each other.

While I enjoyed every aching bit of it, it still didn’t block out the reality of the world I now lived in.

The one filled with nightmares, guilt, and grief.

I sat up, panting through the panic that was slowly ebbing away from my sleep, and inched out of the bed—trying not to wake Nickolai as I made my way to the solar.

But right as my foot touched the cool of the wooden floor, I felt him stir.

I looked back at him, in time to be greeted by his eyes opening.

“What’s wrong?” he said groggily.

I shook my head and waved a dismissive hand at him. “Bad dream, go back to sleep.”

At my words, he sat up too, worry now written all over his face. “What kind of dream?”

I sighed. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew that he wasn’t going to let me get away with saying nothing. Opting to lie back in the bed, I took a deep breath before finally admitting, “It was about Aedon.”

Nickolai moved beside me, gathering me up in his arms so I was lying on his chest. “I’m sorry, Mira.”

“I wish I could show you him,” I admitted.

In the next moment, the room disappeared. Nickolai and I were no longer in bed together; instead, we were standing in the middle of the forest fully clothed.

Facing him, I asked, “What are you doing?”

“Tell me what I need to change,” he said, nodding at something behind me. My breath seized.

I whipped around so quick I almost gave myself a neck strain.

On the path before us was a boy looking like an almost exact image of our son.

My knees instantly buckled, and I fell to the forest floor, which felt all too real.

Nickolai joined me on the ground, wrapping his arms around me in an effort of support.

I stared at the boy, amazed at what I was seeing even through the tears streaming down my face.

“What do I need to change, Mira?” Nickolai asked softly.

After several heartbeats, I finally spit out, “He was a few inches shorter.” My eyes never left the boy even as the vision of him changed to depict the loss of height.

“His-His cheekbones were more pronounced.” Again the vision changed, getting closer and closer to looking like what was once perfection.

“What else?”

“His hair. . . it needs to be longer, almost overgrown.”

Nickolai changed the image again, and before me was the closest-looking image of our son that I would ever see.

The boy smiled, and I immediately sobbed. Leaning toward the ground, I clutched one hand to my chest as my other hand covered my mouth.

This. This image was all I would ever be able to get and it was completely and utterly unfair. Our lives weren’t supposed to have turned out like this. He was supposed to grow up. To have a life better than I had. One without pain, and torture, and struggle. He wasn’t supposed to die.

“Tell me about him.”

Why was he doing this to me? I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t share this piece of my soul. This was mine, and I wanted to hang onto it for dear life. But in truth, I could never, ever accept that this was real.

I sucked in breath after breath, trying to calm myself down enough to speak. He deserves to know , I told myself.

“He was my best friend,” I admitted, continuing to stare at the image before me.

“It was just me and him, living in that run-down shack, but we-we couldn’t have been happier.

” I said, my shoulders shaking with the barely restrained sobs.

The boy stood there, slightly moving in place.

“He was always wanting to help me—wanting to learn. Every time I tried to tell him ‘no’ to something, those big green eyes would make me cave. Every. Single. Time.” I chuckled through a sob, casting my gaze over to Nickolai.

Nickolai’s eyes were locked on the boy, pride exuding from him as he tried to imagine the picture I was painting.

A few tears escaped the pools that filled his lower eyelids, sliding down his face.

The sight in itself nearly broke me all over again.

After a moment, Nickolai’s hand reached for mine and we clutched onto each other for dear life.

He turned his head, finally locking eyes with me, and the vision of the forest fell away.

Leaving us lying in bed once more, staring at each other.

“Use that vision,” Nickolai whispered, “use it to replace whatever nightmare you have. Picture him healthy and standing before us with a big smile on his face.”

I closed my eyes, tears filling them once more, and nodded as I leaned back into his chest. “Thank you,” I muttered.

“Thank you ,” he returned.

My mind was reeling. Trying to come to terms with what I had just seen. With what Nickolai had made me see. He had only used his seal on me once before, and somehow I’d forgotten how extraordinary he was. He was a man—a king, who loved me. And he just planned a whole day out for me.

Wait—King. . . Royal .

Wiping the tears from my face to the best of my ability, I sat up—turning to look at him, “Royals have two seals.” His features remained unchanged, not at all surprised by my statement or the fact that I knew it. “What’s your second seal?”

His fingers grazed the bare skin of my back as he smirked, “I was wondering when you were going to ask.”

“Is it bad?”

He shook his head, “Not in the slightest, but unfortunately it’s not nearly as interesting as my first one.”

“What is it?” I said, anticipation getting the better of me.

He closed his eyes, and when they opened again, the green within them was glowing.

“I can see through the dark,” he explained.

I gasped, instinctively reaching out a hand to touch the skin around his eyes.

They returned to normal and he said, “It’s the reason I found you when you were attacked by the naracuga.

I heard your scream, and my eyes did the rest.”

Thinking back to that night, I thought about how close I was to dying. The beast had been about to reposition its bite to a spot that no doubt would have killed me instantly. Nickolai showing up when he did saved my life. Like he has done so many other times since.

“Thank you for saving me. . . all twenty-seven times.” I smirked as I exaggerated the number.

Nickolai leaned his head back, laughing from his whole being.

“I don’t think it’s been that many, but keep being stubborn, and we might get there one day.

” His comment had me pushing him in the chest. I might be stubborn, but I had my reasons.

He was quick, grabbing my hands by my wrists and holding them to his body. “I love you, Mira.”

All the fight left me. “I love you too, Nickolai,” I said softly.

The next day I found myself once again down in the gym training with Nessy, despite Nickolai’s repeated attempts to keep me in bed. Which almost worked, but I was not about to tell him that.

Sweat dripped down the side of my forehead, and I irritatedly swiped at as I once again picked myself up off the mat. I was distracted, and it was costing me dearly. Hit after hit was blocked by Nessy and countered by an attack that almost always had me falling on my ass.

“What has gotten into you today?” Nessy asked, a smirk on her face countering the concern in her eyes. My lips thinned, I couldn’t exactly tell her that her brother kept me up half the night.

“ More like the whole night, ” Khalia grumbled.

Nessy may already know about it if the looks that I’ve gotten from most of the castle this morning were any indication. But he wasn’t the only reason why I couldn’t focus. No, that had to do with the image running through my brain over and over.

The near perfect image of our son.

Something about last night sat unpleasantly in my stomach, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. It was as if seeing Aedon again put my whole body on alert, like it was a warning for something.

I gripped the handle of the wooden sword better. “Have you heard anything about the village? Who was it that attacked them?”

Nessy pulled back on her attacks enough that we were practically sparring. Hit, block. Hit, block. “I had a meeting with my generals yesterday, who all said that it seems to be the same rebellion group we have been fighting with for years.”

Block.

“Did they have any information as to what could have been on the weapon of the man who attacked me?” I asked breathlessly.

She shook her head, a few of the loose pieces of hair sticking to her head, “No, they haven’t heard of anything being able to do that. But the philosophers are looking into it.”

“The philosophers seem to be looking into a lot without giving very many answers,” I mumbled. Nessy didn’t respond. Instead she threw a few attacks faster than I’d expected. Hit. “Hey!” I exclaimed. “Now you're being rude.”

“ You should know better by now,” the low voice spoke in my head once more.

“ I do, it was just unexpected, ” I explained.

“ Battle will always bring the unexpected. ”

She had me.

“At least I didn’t sneak into your room and mutilate you,” Nessy smirked.

I snorted, “I’d like to see you try.”

“I can’t believe you did that to her,” Nessy said, disbelief filling her tone.

“She deserved it,” I shrugged.

She stewed over what I said before asking, “And do you think you will deserve what Nic is going to do to you?”

“ No,” Khalia growled.

I ignored her, thinking about Nessy’s words for a moment. Part of me had forgotten that I had an impending punishment waiting for me. One that was still currently being decided by the man I love. There was only one question I could ask myself that could give me my answer. Did I trust him?

“I think whatever Nickolai decides for me will be a fair punishment for my crimes,” I conceded. I could feel my skin heat from the anger of Khalia running through me. She didn’t agree, but it didn’t change the fact that I did break the rules.

“I’m glad you think that,” said a smooth voice behind me.

I turned around to find Nickolai leaning up against the wall of the gym, clearly admiring the view of my ass in my workout clothes. Throwing a look at Nessy, I said, “You knew he was there, didn’t you?”

She shrugged her shoulders with a smirk, “Maybe.” I glared at her, which only made her laugh as she walked to the locker room.

Turning back around to Nickolai I threw up my hands, “So then, what’s my punishment? Because the suspense is killing me. Unless that is the punishment— if that’s the case, then I love the suspense.”

A low chuckle left his lips as he pushed off the wall to walk over to me. Once he reached me, his hands found my waist—gliding down to my hips where he pulled me flush against him. His lips found mine, and I immediately released a moan, ready to pick up from last night.

I couldn’t get enough of him.

When he pulled away, I practically pouted, which had the corner of his mouth lifting in a grin. “You, my angel, are hereby punished to spend a day in the court. I want you to get to know the other women, maybe even make some friends.”

I couldn’t hide the displeasure on my face even if I tried. Dropping to rest my head against his chest, I groaned, “That’s a good punishment for someone like me.”

I felt the chuckle in his chest before he spoke, “Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad.”

Pulling back, my eyes met his. “Have you met the women in your court? They’re horrible.”

“Then maybe you can teach them to be better people,” he encouraged. I rolled my eyes. “It’s only for one day. I have faith in you.”

“Fine,” I yielded. Nickolai’s smile split his face, and he bent down to plant another heart-stopping kiss on my lips, bringing one of his hands to the back of my head.

I moaned and pushed him away slightly, teasing, “Are you sure I can’t persuade you to punish me in a different way?

I swear I’ll try to hate every minute of it. ”

He shook his head, a piece of his brown hair falling over his face. “Go get changed. I’ll see you later.”

Throwing my head back in exasperation, I left.