Page 27

Chapter seventeen

T he next morning I’d just finished putting on the running shoes Ysabel offered me when Loughlan and Nessy showed up to whisk me off to the gym.

As we walked in, I expected the room to be filled with others training, but instead I was greeted by a completely empty room.

The smell of sweat and rubber from the mats hung in the air, reminding me of when I used to train with Hugh.

I could almost feel the faint twinge of the blisters I would get on my hands before they turned into calluses.

“Where is everyone?”

“The army has a separate area for training, but I told the higher-ups that like to come here, to have this place empty for a few hours in the morning,” Nessy explained.

“For your benefit or mine?” I said, casting her a sideways glance.

“We’ll have to wait and see,” Nessy replied with a grin, turning towards Loughlan who pulled his long, blondish hair up into a bun. “She is all yours for the first half, make her sweat.” With that, she was gone, waving a hand over her shoulder at me as she walked to the locker rooms.

Loughlan and I stood for a solid minute, with him eyeing me the entire time, before finally asking, “When was the last time you trained?”

“When I was a kid—Why?”

He ignored my question, “What all did you do for training?”

“Mostly strength and combat training.”

He nodded, “That’s what I thought. You need stamina.

” I wanted to argue, but I quickly realized he was right, so instead I just pursed my lips at the blunt reality.

“Every morning at sunrise, I want you to meet me outside those doors,” he said, pointing to the ones Nessy and I used yesterday to leave the castle.

I nodded in response, and he continued, “Now let's go, we will warm up with a few laps around the palace.”

My eyes bugged at his easy use of the word few, as if one lap around this giant place wouldn’t be enough to kill me.

We stepped outside and Loughlan started to run beside me, no doubt slower than what he was used to doing. I watched as the feathers of his wings caught in the breeze. His running was effortless. . . graceful. It was so much different compared to me.

Nessy’s words from yesterday echoed through my mind, take your anger and hurt out in the gym .

She was right. I needed to take it out here, to take it out on myself. I deserved to feel the burning in my legs and lungs—that pain didn’t even come close to what I felt every other moment of the day.And perhaps, the more I do here, the less I will feel later.

As we started on the second lap, I could feel the heaviness on my shoulders starting to lift.

Encouraging me to push through the stitch in my side that worsened my ability to breathe.

My focus stayed locked on the ground as different colors of gravel passed by in a blur.

With each step I could feel myself getting closer to feel no pain other than this, here and now.

It surprisingly wasn't until the start of the third lap that my legs started to feel weak.

I pushed myself, displaying the image that haunted me in mind.

Of us lying among the grass and flowers, with the smiles that were always plastered on our faces since we found each other—the ones that were now forever erased.

I clutched my side directly under my rib, pressing on the spot that made me want to crumble to the ground. Whoever invented running was deranged.

We neared large doors that led to the gym, and Loughlan slowed to a stop. As soon as my body was no longer in motion, nausea welled up in my throat. I collapsed to my knees, gravel digging into them, unable to stop myself as I vomited everything from my stomach.

“Shit! Are you okay?” Loughlan questioned as he rushed to my side.

Bile burned as it exited my mouth until it felt like it couldn’t vomit anymore and I leaned back—the heels of my shoes digging into my ass—and nodded.

I was still trying to catch my breath when the sudden slide of something down my cheek had me hurriedly swiping at my face, realizing suddenly that I had been crying.

“Why didn’t you tell me you needed to stop?” His gaze was stern, but his voice had dropped most of the commanding tone from before.

I panted, and rushed out an answer, “Because. I needed. To keep. Going.”

“The idea is to stop before you puke,” he said, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

I rolled my eyes, unable to voice a response once again. I had been so close. So close to feeling nothing but the pain of running. But even my body won't let me reach that point.

When my breathing returned to normal, Loughlan led me back inside.

We stretched, and he showed me some strength-building exercises that I could do even when I wasn’t in the gym until Nessy reappeared.

She had a slight glimmer of sweat on her forehead, showing what was probably the most exerted I’d ever seen her.

There was no greeting, not even her usual smile as she grabbed two wooden swords—handing me one before immediately striking with hers and hitting me in the side of my thigh. The blow sent a wave of new pain through the already aching muscle.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, sliding out of her reach as she struck at me again.

I stood from the mat, barely gripping the handle of my sword with both hands to blocked the next blow as frustration flared through me.

It was a back-and-forth game between her striking at me only to be blocked, until finally I noticed her cue into each strike and used it to dodge out of her path, making her lose her balance when she expected me stop her momentum.

I swung the sword, connecting with her mid-back, and she went sprawling to the ground.

Nessy swiftly got back up, determination glinting in her eyes. “Took you long enough to figure it out.”

My mouth dropped open of its own accord, “You were doing it on purpose?”

“Of course I was. You rely too much on your opponents’ cues, you need to learn what to do when they don’t have one.”

I scoffed, “Everyone has one.”

Loughlan laughed and Nessy tilted her head to the side with a smug smile before coming at me again, this time so swift and unwavering that I didn’t even have time to watch for a telltale sign.

It took everything I had to move fast enough to avoid her blows.

I was usually fairly quick, but this was another speed entirely, one that had to be from her being fae.

It suddenly became clear to me that Nickolai must have been really holding back.

I put up the best fight I could, while retreating, but once she caught me off guard, with a quick hit to the arm, it was over.

She used my shock to her advantage and swept a leg out, taking mine out from under me.

My back hit the slightly cushioned floor and I let out a groan—opening my eyes again to find the point of her wooden sword in my face.

“Not bad, but you definitely need to train more,” she said on a breath, now finally showing some signs of exhaustion.

I didn’t bother to get up, opting to lie on the mats and accept defeat from her, Loughlan, and my muscles.

But Nessy had other ideas as she nudged me in the side, wrenching another groan from me. “Get up, I’ll show you the ice baths.”

When I finally exited the gym, only feeling a slight relief in my muscles from the ice baths, I found Ysabel coming down the stairs—her arms overflowing with baskets. I don't know how she managed to carry the load but as she took the last step off the stairs, the top basket wobbled from its perch.

"Let me grab that," I said, taking the one that was no doubt going to fall within seconds, and then a few more. My arms protested at the weight.

She released a sigh. "Thanks." We began walking toward the kitchens and I had half a mind to sprint the rest of the way at the empty feeling in my stomach until she asked, “How was your morning with Loughlan and Nessy?”

I grunted in response, and she giggled. “Remind me again why this is a good idea?”

“Look at it this way, you will be able to protect your hair better,” she said with a wink. I’d been so consumed by the monsters, the fighting with Nickolai, and my own pain that I completely forgot about the target painted on my back. Made clear by the envelope of hair sent to me.

I stopped her before we walked through the door. “Have you heard anything?”

“I have heard that she has been asking around about you since the ball, she even tried to stop me to talk. But I was able to avoid her by sneaking through the door to the servants’ quarters—the gods know she won’t let herself be seen near those,” she quipped.

I smirked, “I’m sure her parents are just beaming with pride.” If they were anything like Katryn, they probably were. "Do you know if she has any seal's that I have to be worried about? Like am I going to be walking down the hall and have the air sucked out of me or something?"

Ysabel let out a loud bark of a laugh, "No. The one thing I think the whole castle is fortunate about is that she never received a seal. That woman probably would start wars for fun if she had."

"Isn't that the truth," I mumbled as we finished our walk into the kitchens.

Ysabel barely set down the baskets on the counter before she was wrapped in a hug by the woman I had seen before with a squeal. “Oh, thank you!”

She chuckled and soaked up the hug before motioning to me. “Imelda, this is Mira.”

Imelda wrapped me in a hug as well, “Of course, I remember this beautiful face from last week!”

My cheeks heated at the compliment. “Good to see you again.”

She flashed a big crooked grin at us. “You ladies look starved, let me whip you up something.”

Ysabel looked at me eagerly, “Imelda is the best cook.”

Imelda waved her off, her other hand fidgeting with the towel tucked into her apron. “You ladies go snack on some bread while I get to work.”