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Chapter twenty-three

S hades of purples and golds danced on the outskirts of my vision while I trained my eyes on the clouds above me in the piercing blue sky. Fresh air, sullen with a sweet aroma, filtered through my nose and out my mouth as I worked to catch my breath.

And I waited to be found.

His laugh still echoed around me until the realization that it wasn’t real had me lurching up.

I scanned the trees, looking for him, looking for his smile that melted my heart even after Nickolai left.

But there was nothing. Panic began to rise as I jumped to my feet.

Trees surrounded by the flowers swaying in the breeze were as far as the eye could see, but no soft brown hair.

“Aedon. . . Aedon!” I screamed. He was just here.

"Aedon!" I became frantic—air rushing in and out with each push of my legs off the ground.

"Aedon!" Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours, as each moment increased the dread that was building within the pit of my stomach.

I continued screaming his name, hoping that at one point he would answer me.

Silence. The forest itself was even quiet, the air still, as if everything stopped.

It felt like an eternity until I saw him—making my entire world, which had revolved solely around him, crumble.

His little body sprawled out on the ground, blood pooling around him, as his face was etched in a frozen look of pain.

Intestines that were supposed to be within him were spilling out on the dirt and into the mouth of a beast. Semi-translucent scales reflected the sunlight through the trees as the three flaps that covered the beast's head moved to show its face.

A scream ripped from my chest so loud that it reverberated through the forest, causing the birds within them to take flight.

I didn’t even think before I lunged. My motions became someone else's as the creature and I collided with the ground, my fingers gripping onto the flaps that were trying to close.

With my free hand, I pulled the bronze dagger from my ankle and stabbed.

Each stab felt like a stab through my own heart.

It was dead with the first blow, but I couldn’t stop.

Over and over again until there was nothing left of the sturian.

My body was trembling, no longer with adrenaline but with the fear of the pain that I knew would hit me as soon as I looked at him.

Like a lightning strike that just stays, frying every single nerve until I am nothing.

Everything slowed as I finally turned my head, my face instantly crumpling.

I could barely cover my mouth with a shaky hand to muffle the sobs and screams that ripped through me.

“Aedon!” His name left my mouth, the sound ripping me open completely.

This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening.

Crawling over to him, I grabbed his limp body, ignoring the squelch it made as I cradled him in my arms.

“Aedon—” I whispered, my voice cracking on his name.

Each breath I took made the pain in my chest grow.

“I’m so sorry, baby! Mommy is so sorry!” I wailed, burying my head in his chest. I repeated my pleas, which turned into flat out screams causing the pressure in my head to grow.

The pain was nothing compared to that of my heart.

My son is dead.

Gasping through my sobs, I looked at his face, brushing the overgrown hair out of the way with my bloody fingertips. No longer would I hear his sing-song laugh. Or the way that he would mispronounce ‘animals’ as ‘aminals’.

My son is dead.

The skin on his arms, now cold and sticky with the crimson stain—never again would those arms cause me to suffocate from them wrapping too tightly around me.

My son is dead.

Something within my body cracked open, bringing with it a burning pain that flowed through my entire body.

It pumped through me with each heartbeat like I was being injected with hot iron.

I felt a flutter within my stomach, a red mist dancing among a pit of black as it grew with each second, with each wave of grief that was barreling down on me.

A ringing filled my ears, and the pain became so unbearable that I couldn’t do anything but try to push it down, push everything down.

Until there was only one thought left in my mind.

Vengeance

—

The last thing I heard was Nickolai’s gasp before a ringing filled my ears once again.

The sound was so sharp I couldn’t help but cover my ears with the base of my palms—my hands still clutching onto the shredded pieces of paper.

Screams ripped from me at the intense, overwhelming pain.

I could feel my body heating, boiling beyond the point of no return, making it hard to catch my breath as the mist began to grow once again.

I was going to die.

This was what I’d feared. For months I’d buried this grief because the first time I felt it, I knew it was too much for my body to handle.

But there was no burying it this time; it was too strong, too powerful.

I couldn’t do anything but scream my way through it, barely recollecting the grip on my forearms shaking me—the movement becoming more aggressive until eventually it disappeared, and my mind went black.

My body ached from head to toe as my mind started to come to life once more, trying and failing to form thoughts.

The weight on my eyelids felt as if another force was pulling them down with each attempt I made to open them.

It took me several tries before I was finally able to succeed, allowing me to take in the room around me.

It wasn’t the purple one I’d grown used to; this one was darker, made up of harmonious shades of gray and wood tones.

The bed that encapsulated me was substantial, with bulky wood posts that formed the canopy.

Directly across the room was a double-sided fireplace, with a roaring fire already lit within it, adorned by two wide doorways on each side.

The faint smell of pine permeated around me, causing my heartbeat to quicken at the familiar scent that had me scanning the room for the source.

Nickolai’s head laid upon his arms at the end of the bed, his back rising and falling in even and slow breaths—signaling that he was asleep. I moved to sit up, groaning as the movement sent my whole body aflame with pain once again.

The noise had Nickolai jolting awake in an instant, rushing to my side, “Mira? What’s wrong?” My muscles tensed as his words, which had no doubt been spoken in a normal tone, sounded as if he were shouting them straight into my ears, adding to the torture.

I barely croaked out, “It hurts.” An understatement.

It felt as if every cell within my body was no longer my own—each of them ripping to shreds over and over again.

A tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and I tried focused on the feeling of the warm saltwater upon my skin, but it did nothing to distract me.

I heard a rustle along with Nickolai shouting out the door before the feeling of the liquid sliding down my blazing cheek disappeared.

I could no longer feel it, could no longer feel the pain that had been holding me captive.

It all vanished, leaving behind a buzz that flowed within me—and a struggling Nickolai.

My eyes widened at the realization that he used his seal.

I watched sweat begin to form on his brow as he clenched his jaw in an attempt to bare through his own agony.

He could feel my pain.

I sat up, kneeling on the bed before him, as I cupped his face with my palms—resting my forehead upon his. “Stop. . .”

“Mira,” his tone was pleading. “Let me take this away for you.”

Another tear rolled down my face as I shook my head against his. “I can’t let you.”

“Mira, please.”

I gasped as I pushed him out, the agony hit me once again—feeling like I had just fallen off of a cliff to my death. I groaned, trying to push through it, but there was no reprieve. And no end in sight. “What’s. . . happening—” I choked out, gripping onto him for support.

“Your body is adjusting,” he said, not wanting to divulge more.

“To. . . what?” If my body didn’t feel like it was being wrung through a meat grinder, I would’ve slapped him right then for making me ask a second time.

He hesitated before finally spitting out the words that changed everything, “To becoming fae.”

No.

I froze, unable to blink or think as his words hit me repeatedly.

It wasn’t possible. This couldn’t be happening. I-I couldn’t be. . . fae.

He had to be lying or pulling some sort of joke on me, which, if that was the case, then it was one sick joke. I wanted to shake my head, to refuse his words, but I couldn’t. I could barely breathe, and each time it was as if I were inhaling glass.

Noticing my panic, he explained, “You must have had a spell on you to keep your fae side hidden.” His eyes seemed to stare straight through me as he added, “I have never seen anything like it.” In the next moment, the door burst open to reveal the healer breathing heavily.

Nickolai jumped up, stating, “She woke up in pain. Do you have something to take it away?”

The man shook his head, making a piece of his silver-colored hair fall out of order from the rest of the slicked-back pieces, “There isn’t a medicine in all of Sedonia that could take away the pain she is feeling. We'll have to put her to sleep until her body heals.”

Nickolai looked at me, pleading in his eyes. I knew I was going to have to nod or say something to tell them to do it, but the thought of doing either of those left me absolutely terrified of the agony it would bring.

Another tear escaped as I dipped my chin ever so slightly—enough that he could see my response.

I closed my eyes, and in the next few moments, I felt an added spout of pain along my arm before a coldness spread through me, leaving behind a metallic taste on my tongue as I drifted into a pit of black.