Page 39

He stood. “I appreciate what you did.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” Lie. But there was absolutely no way I would admit to the truth.

He shook his head in disbelief before clearing his throat, “I’ll have your stuff sent back to your room.”

Of course, he knew about me moving out of his room already. He most likely knew everything that happened within the castle the second it happened, especially now that someone was able to slip into my room unnoticed.

“Is that it?” I asked, lifting a brow.

“I don’t know, is it?” he replied, copying my expression.

“What are you talking about?”

He crossed his arms over his chest, drawing my attention to his body that took up a massive presence in the already spacious room.

The stern look that painted his features had the other being within me wanting to challenge him or.

. . mount him. I must have hit my head at some point because there was absolutely no reasonable explanation for the feelings that were going through my body.

I was still grieving, and sex with anyone should be the last thing on my mind—so why was it at the forefront?

“What do you know about what happened to your room?”

I tried to feign innocence, “Nothing.” Another lie.

“Hmm.”

I threw up my hands, exclaiming, “Why do you think I’m constantly lying?”

Even though he was on point this time, I was at my max with being accused for the day.

His gaze was instantly ice, pinning me to my spot as he said, “You lied to me for over a month and kept the existence of my son from me.”

His words struck a nerve, one that I wasn’t aware I’d even had. My body completely forgot about the urges I’d had only moments before, getting replaced by another urge, one that was even stronger. To kill him.

“He is my son!” I yelled, using every ounce of restraint I had, while also unconsciously taking a few steps toward him. “You did nothing! You weren’t there!” With each sentence, I closed the distance until I was poking him in the chest with my finger. “YOU FUCKING LEFT!”

His face was red as he shouted, “He wouldn’t have died if you had been a good mother!”

He didn’t. There was no way he just said that to me. I sucked in a breath. It felt like someone had sucker-punched me and poured bleach straight down my throat all at once. Bile rose and it was an effort to choke it back down.

Nickolai did nothing to even try to take back the words. He just stood there looking like he wanted to either break down or kill me.

My voice was low as I said, “If you had protected him like a father should, he would still be alive. I can at least say I was a parent to him, which is something you will never have.”

He turned around so fast, sending his fist flying into the wall. The loud crack of his hand splitting through it forcing me to flinch back.

Lowering his head, his chest heaved with breaths.

When he finally faced me again, Nickolai looked every bit like the killer he probably was.

Green eyes pierced through me, exuding nothing but hatred.

His voice was cold and unyielding, “I’m glad I left you.

It would have been torture to be stuck day in and day out with you .

I just feel sorry for our son, for having to endure you for the little life he had. ”

Red filled my vision, and in the next moment, my hand struck his face so hard it made my palm sting. His head flung to the side, staying there for a brief moment before facing me once more.

I didn’t let him say anything else as I yelled, “Fuck you!”

Turning around, I stalked out the door, my legs carrying me in the direction of my room solely from the pure rage running through my veins—even though all I wanted was to go to his room and destroy everything in it, like Katryn had done to mine.

But even if I did, that wouldn’t be enough to repay him for the ache in my chest that grew with each second his words repeated in my head.

He took my deepest insecurities and handed them to me on a silver platter with his sharp tongue. There wasn’t anything he could ever say to me that would make me forget. And by the look on his face, he didn’t want me to.

When I reached my door, the new guard couldn’t back up into the wall far enough.

I stalked right past, slamming my door so hard it rattled the walls.

It was childish—I was aware of that. But there was something about the loud, ear-piercing sound that nearly had me flinching even in my rage that was so satisfying.

Ysabel launched off the half-made bed in a start. “What was that for?” she squealed.

I didn’t bother answering her as I moved to the bathroom, heading straight for the closet.

Grabbing one of the travel bags, I started to stuff it with the clothes that I knew would be the most essential, especially for the upcoming winter.

My whole body shook from the movements—the pain pushed to the sidelines as my anger flowed through me.

Soft footfalls landed on the tile floor of the bathroom before coming to a halt near the entrance. “Mira, what happened? What are you doing?”

This time I decided to answer, giving her the truth that she deserved, “I’m leaving.” It was something I should have done long ago. I have been a guest here, staying way past what was welcome.

“What?! You can’t!”

My hand froze midair as I was reaching for one of the heavy cloaks. With a sigh, I finally faced her and snapped, “Why not? I didn’t ask for any of this, Ysabel!”

She opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated slightly before saying, “You belong here.”

I chuckled at the absurdity of her words, shaking my head, “No, I don’t.”

I resumed my packing, grabbing the cloak and moving on to socks. Ysabel moved closer, the sound of her footsteps now echoing throughout the expanse of the room. Her hand fell upon mine, rifling through one of the drawers in the closet, forcing me to pause my movements.

My jaw tensed as I slowly looked up at the one person who had been there for me through everything in the past month. She didn’t deserve my cruelty. She herself had been to Ikinor and back, and yet I was constantly taking all of my emotions out on her—my best friend.

The top half of her hair was pulled back into a braid, but a few red wisps of hair had come undone, leaving them to dangle over her face.

They did nothing to hide the seriousness in her features.

“Talk to me. . . please.” At her pleading, my fight left me, leaving behind the overwhelming hurt that had been directly beneath the surface.

I sagged to the ground, resting back against the closet, as I tried to figure out how to begin telling her the truth. In the end, I settled on starting from the beginning. Sharing with her every heartbreaking piece until I finished with the most recent fight with Nickolai.

Ysabel was quiet for a long time, staring at me with wide eyes before finally sagging back against the closet beside me with a sigh.

After a few more moments, she finally spoke, “You’re not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear it.

” I turned my head toward her and our gazes locked.

She grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile before announcing, “You might need to give the king a break.”

Her words hit like a shockwave, instantly demolishing the picture of her that was in my mind.

I quickly went to pull my hand from hers, but she tightened her grip and continued, “You have been through something unimaginable, and you have been going through it for the past couple of months. But you have also gotten a pass when you have been at times. . . unkind. Keep in mind, the king hasn’t had a couple of months.

These bombshells were dropped on him one after another. ”

I felt a tear slide down my face at her words.

“You don’t have to forgive him. . . Gods know, I won’t. What he said was uncalled for, but remember that you know what he is going through. And if you leave now it will not only hurt me but it will hurt him. Even if he won’t admit it.”

I dropped my head to look at my fidgeting fingers through the blur of the tears. They finally fell as I nodded in agreement.