Page 98 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

“I figured…something else out,” he sputtered and shook as he spoke, “I know…now…I can let it go. The things I’ve done…

that I can never…forgive myself for. I can let it go .

But you don’t know how to let things go anymore, do you?

That’s why you’re so pissed . It’s why you wanted me.

So you could…feel human again…without having to admit that’s what you wanted.

That’s why…this whole time…I needed to be—”

Malak struck Nathan again, a hard kick that broke a few more ribs and had Nathan gasping painfully for breath. If a lung hadn’t been punctured yet, it was damn close to happening soon.

“You are nothing,” Malak hissed, grabbing Nathan roughly from the ground and holding him up by the shirt to hang like a ragdoll. “After this is over, you will keep feeling the loss of me, Nathan Grier, and it will pain you. I will feel the loss of you and be grateful .”

Nathan blinked, forcing his eyes to focus, forcing himself to stay conscious just a little longer.

He looked at Malak, at the snarl that was accompanied by so much fear Malak would never admit to feeling, and then turned to look out the window again at the battle outside. What Nathan saw made him smile.

“ What is funny?” Malak demanded.

The whole damn thing , Nathan thought.

He clutched at his father’s wedding ring with shaking fingers, hanging against his chest where it always rested, and squeezed as tight as he could. He was not alone, even trapped inside the Gatehouse with Malak, wounded and fading. He was never alone.

“You…always needed me…to pull this off,” Nathan said without turning his gaze from the window.

“Whether I chose you…or not…didn’t matter.

You needed me…to either be with you or to fall to you.

But I’m not wavering. And if I’m not…letting you get the better of me…

” Nathan rolled his head forward again to smirk into those red on black eyes, “then I’m not losing either. ”

All the rage slipped from Malak’s face, leaving him blank. He turned his head, staring out the window as Nathan had, and his eyes went wide with disbelief.

What had looked hopeless minutes ago was a totally different picture now. Outnumbered or not, the losses still great, the light fae, incubi, succubae, and humans …were winning.

Malak’s grip on Nathan faltered, enough for Nathan to stumble away, unsteady on his feet but standing. Malak ignored him, going to the window, staring out of it, a hand pressed to the glass.

“Impossible,” he breathed. “They are tied to me. I cannot lose.”

“See…that’s what I figured,” Nathan said. “You’re the key. If you’re confident…they do better, even without Solrin. But you’re not so confident right now, are you? It’s hard, I guess, to be sure of yourself when you know the other guy’s right.”

Malak’s focus snapped back to Nathan. “Do not presume to—”

“ Know you?” Nathan cut in, taking a couple difficult but necessary steps so he could lean beside the windowsill. “Dude, you were inside of me . I know you. You’re gonna lose. But you know,” Nathan cocked his head, lolling it back against the wall, “it doesn’t have to end like this.”

They had been one, and maybe they would always be connected because of it, but as much as there was humanity in Malak, there was also cruelty and vengeance and hatred in Nathan that he mourned over for Malak’s sake. It was awful to feel all of that, compounding on Nathan’s own dark emotions.

A smile that Nathan did not expect was Malak’s response. It was not a kind or understanding smile, but something like pride, pride in Nathan , respect, even, for how Nathan had managed to beat him.

“You think you can offer me a deal now?”

“Nah,” Nathan shrugged, “you wouldn’t accept it anyway. Just sayin’. I beat you, yeah. But I don’t…hate you. I should . Damn, I really should. You’re a fucking bastard. But…” Nathan couldn’t help smiling, “it’s hard to hate a villain you understand.”

Malak turned back to the window. “This isn’t over.”

Nathan smiled crookedly at Malak. “I think it is.”

Smoothing his hair once more, straightening his red tie with his bloody hand, Malak gathered control of himself, watching as his dark fae army fell one by one, the outcome easy to predict now. How the war would end had always been tied up with him and Nathan.

“My time will come again,” Malak said, something he had likely also said after his great ‘failure’ with Gwen. It was twisted, but Nathan understood why Malak chose her form when he was female—he missed her.

“If it’s gotta be that way, just know this,” Nathan said, vision clear enough to look Malak dead on and steady. “There will always be someone to stop you, no matter how many decades, or centuries, or a few dozen millennia might pass in the meantime.”

“You better hope you are right, Nathan,” Malak said almost like a friendly warning.

“I don’t need to hope,” Nathan said, thinking of all the people he believed in enough to let them find their own way through this battle, most of whom had survived, those who hadn’t having died with honor, no matter what anyone might say against them.

“I got more than enough faith these days to know .”

Malak stood a while longer by the window, watching.

And then, one moment, when Nathan blinked and cast his gaze over, Malak was simply gone.

It was a relief, the whole thing, Malak’s departure and the battle ending favorably outside the doors.

More than relief was that Nathan was so damn tired, and all he wanted was to sleep now that he had completed his duty and had leave to rest.

Sliding down the wall he was leaning against, Nathan tasted blood in his mouth, felt it sticky on his chin. It hurt so much simply to breathe, his ribs in painful pieces, his head pounding. It was the sweetest release, sitting there on that floor, when he slipped, quiet and eager, into darkness.

May the road always rise to meet you May the wind be ever at your back May the rains fall softly upon you And the sun shine warm upon your face

And true be the hearts that love you May the hands of friends be ever near And until we meet again

May the path light up clear before you And the clouds forsake the skies above May life's joys be pure as they surround you And the stars shine bright to guide you home

And true be the hearts that love you May the hands of friends be ever near And until we meet again

May God hold you hold you in the palm of his hand