Page 80 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

“I get it, okay?” he said with a sympathetic look at Sasha, a small bit of Nathan leaking through despite the red on black eyes.

“It’s not like I forgive him. But you gotta see the bigger picture here, baby.

Sometimes the ends really do justify the means.

And I know you hate that,” Nathan turned his gaze to Jim, almost reading his mind, but Jim was thankful that he didn’t think Nathan, even with Malak’s powers, could do that, “I don’t like it either.

But I don’t have to like it to know that I can make things better.

Can’t you guys believe that this is me? I’m just trying to be smart with the power I’ve been given. Does that have to be bad?”

In some ways Jim knew he could dismiss how frightening Nathan had been downstairs, because even this scary, dark version of Nathan hadn’t actually hurt anyone. It would be easy to believe in this Nathan. Too easy.

“Nate…” Jim began carefully, “when you sent most of the people away, why did you send Sasha’s friends? Why Ula and others that didn’t join in the attack? If you only want to get rid of evil supernatural creatures then they might have helped us.”

Something flickered across Nathan’s face, something Jim couldn’t decipher. “I knew most of them wouldn’t be able to understand, not right away, that’s why I sent them all home. But you guys,” he lit up again, “you guys know I’m still me. You gotta know that, right?”

Neither Jim nor Sasha responded.

“Here.” Nathan stepped up to them, up to Sasha, reaching for the incubus’ hands, who instinctively flinched back.

Nathan frowned. “Sasha…baby, come on, look,” he said, taking Sasha’s hands anyway and closing his eyes hard a moment before opening them to reveal green instead of red on black.

It was cruel how much it made Nathan seem entirely himself again.

“I’m still me. Malak didn’t lie to me. He didn’t have to.

He still gets to be all-powerful and a part of this even with me in control.

That’s all he wanted. He doesn’t care how it gets done, just so long as he’s along for the ride.

I can make the world better like this. A better world for us .

” He kept hold of Sasha’s hands with one of his own but reached up with the other to touch Sasha’s face.

This time Sasha didn’t flinch, but his expression looked like he was already mourning the loss of Nathan. “For us? How can you say that when I can’t change you? Again ? When you let yourself become something else?”

“It’s not like that at all,” Nathan said with a tender smile. “I’m more like you right now than you think. I won’t age like this. I can’t be hurt. I can’t even be touched. We can be together just like we wanted.”

There was so much sincerity in how Nathan said that, and Sasha was soon leaning into his touch, damp blue eyes showing signs that he was close to believing Nathan, wanting the promises he was giving.

Jim spoke up quickly. “What about the other fae, Nathan? They’re still on their way. Oberon and Gwen aren’t just going to head back to the Veil and let you do what you want. We’re going to have a lot of enemies.”

“Let me worry about that,” Nathan said, holding Sasha’s cheek a moment more before sliding his fingers away and turning to Jim. “Once they see that I’m only using this power to do good, they’ll join us too.”

“And what about the ones who won’t?” It was easy to read between the lines Nathan was purposely leaving out. Jim had to show that he would listen to Nathan but that he would still test him, still question him.

“You really think I’m gonna hurt someone, don’t you?

I can’t stand you guys not trusting me, not you.

” Nathan shook his head. “Please, just give me a chance, a few days, one , and if you actually have any reason to doubt me afterwards then you can decide if I’m full of shit or not.

Just one day, that’s all I’m asking here. Please.”

Looking at Nathan with his normal green eyes, hearing him make such understandable requests of them, even saying ‘please’, Jim found himself wondering if maybe it was okay to concede on this.

A strangled howl interrupted Jim’s thoughts, followed by a succession of terrified hisses erupting from the other side of the library.

Jim’s attention was immediately drawn to the noises where he saw Wally huddled beneath a chair, just her head sticking out, spitting and making awful noises at Nathan, worse than she had when he first got back from the Veil and carried only the faint scent of Malak.

Sasha went over to her, gathered her up in his arms to still her, but it was obvious she would not be consoled, burying herself in the crook of Sasha’s arm when he tried to walk back over to Nathan.

She paused in her frantic noises only long enough to touch her tiny human hands to Sasha’s face, pleading in some way, before hissing again at Nathan and curling into a tight ball of fluff in Sasha’s arms.

It was simple, silly even, but it was enough to make everything clear, stopping Jim’s thoughts in their tracks.

He looked at Nathan with a calculating stare, a request in his eyes for answers, for an explanation for Wally’s behavior, though of course he already knew.

Malak had infected Nathan again, but so much more so, deep and penetrating to the core—and there was nothing good about that.

Shaking his head as if none of it mattered, as if Wally was nothing but a nuisance, Nathan merely said, “You’ll understand.

I’ll make sure of it. I’ll prove to you that what I’m doing is right.

I’m right. Lighten up, Jesse James. We have so much work to do,” he finished with a smile, cocking his fingers at Jim in their customary BANG that Jim could not return.

Then Nathan headed out the door, leaving them all over again.

Wally was shaking when Jim looked back to Sasha still holding her.

Sasha was shaking a little too, because as much as Nathan seemed right, seemed like himself at times, he wasn’t.

If Nathan had a plan when he chose Malak, he didn’t remember it anymore, or at least didn’t care.

Jim had to figure out what that plan was, figure out how Nathan had hoped for them to stop this.

Because right now he wasn’t sure they could.

The hours dragged by, Nathan not really doing anything but walking the grounds and the rooms of the Gatehouse like he was in deep thought, preparing for his grand assault on the world’s evil, whatever that meant.

Jim tried to keep everyone calm, distracted, getting the Gatehouse resettled and moving everyone into their own rooms.

He was pleased when night fell and Nathan still hadn’t done anything substantial, because then they could sleep on this, get the rest they needed and prepare for tomorrow.

Apparently tomorrow was the day Nathan planned to prove to them that he was doing the right thing. That couldn’t have worried Jim more.

Once the Gatehouse was quiet, even Solrin in one of the rooms, Jim gathered the others to meet with him in the downstairs lounge. They knew Nathan was around, but they had to take the risk. The first thing Jim told them was something he had discovered earlier that evening.

“The power’s up here, but it doesn’t seem to be working anywhere else.

I managed to get a hold of Wade, the only person I trusted to contact.

My abilities helped the power work on her end, but only because I was the one calling out.

Wade knew something had happened to us, but not what.

She doesn’t seem to be able to read anything about Nathan anymore.

I couldn’t risk telling her too much, just asked if anything had changed for them.

She said it was all the same. No power, until I’d made her phone ring. No sun. Nothing.”

“But we saw the sun here,” Shiarra said, sitting on the couch next to Walter and actually holding his hand in a tight grip. “Nathan changed everything, even the land. We have electricity.” She gestured to the one lamp they had dared turn on. “What does it mean if that’s not true farther off?”

“We don’t know, Shi.” Sasha reached over the back of the couch from where he was standing, mostly pacing, and squeezed her shoulder.

“Could mean Nathan has us in some sort of shield to keep others out, could mean he’s planning something a lot worse than he’s letting on, or it might just mean we’ve been quarantined.

Jim thinks Nathan was moving around all day because he was trying to figure it all out too.

For all we know, Oberon, Gwen, Aloysha and the rest of our people could already be trying to fight this. ”

Alex sat in one of the chairs, Jim leaning against her armrest. She ran a hand up his back and he felt calmer instantly. “So what do we do?” she asked.

“Sasha and I tried to get details from Nathan about what he’s planning, about what happened when he joined with Malak.

So far, he hasn’t been too forthcoming. He wants us to be with him, I know that, and he won’t admit anything to us until we are.

He wants us to trust him, and…damn it, sometimes I almost do,” Jim said.

Even after Wally and what he had done to Walter, Jim still found himself being reeled in when Nathan looked at him for a moment as just Nathan .

“The Adversary is charming and charismatic, as they say,” Walter said.

“It’s difficult even for me to not want to follow him.

But we must hang on to the knowledge that this can’t be right.

Solrin is devout, but that doesn’t soothe me.

The Devil can’t be a savior. I know it is still Nathan in there as well, but…

we must think of a way out of this. I believe you are right that Nathan must have had some kind of plan.

He was willing to live without you, Sasha,” Walter looked up at Sasha with gentle eyes, “even though Malak offered to give you back. I cannot believe he would do another deal, no matter the risks, instead of trying to go out fighting.”

“Maybe I did it…because I decided to finally stop being a god damn fool.”

Everyone’s heads whipped to the entrance, Sasha stumbling back since he was closest to where Nathan now stood. Jim had been prepared for this, almost expected it, so he rose immediately to approach Nathan and not leave Sasha standing there alone.

“You should be asleep,” Nathan said, his eyes green like they had been all day, but just a cover, Jim knew, not the truth, “getting rest . Long day and all. Tomorrow will be long too, I can promise you that.” He looked at Sasha and held out a hand.

“Come on, babe, let’s go to bed. Just coz I don’t need sleep anymore doesn’t mean I don’t still like it. ”

“I’m not coming to bed with you,” Sasha said like that should have been obvious.

Nathan’s mouth twitched slightly but he remained otherwise unfazed. “Come on now, don’t be like that. What have I done to make you guys not trust me?” He let his hand drop. “Have I done a single thing that’s bad, evil, wrong?”

“Not yet,” Walter said, finishing all of their thoughts.

Sighing with that same disappointment, Nathan pleaded with them, “Why won’t you just give me the benefit of the doubt?

I’m going to make everything better for everyone.

Look,” he stepped up to Sasha, “I was going to wait on this, let you come to trust me again on your own, but…I can make you understand,” he said as if it wasn’t a threat.

His eyes flashed red on black again, his expression menacing even though his voice was gentle and his steps slow.

Startled, Sasha pressed back against the couch, as Nathan began to raise a hand toward his forehead. “Nathan…”

“Remember how you felt in the cave in Colorado?” Nathan said. “How good you felt? I can give that back to you. I can give you more . Where do you think that power came from, huh? It was Malak . Let me get you back to your true potential…then you’ll understand. Let me show you.”

“ Nathan .” Sasha turned his head away, shaking.

“Nathan, stop.” Jim stepped forward, his simple utterance a clear warning.

Nathan looked at Jim, his hand still suspended, then looked at Sasha again with sympathy as if the problem was simply that Sasha didn’t get it. “Okay,” he said, his hand starting to lower. Then those red on black eyes flicked sharply to Jim. “ You’ll understand.”

Nathan’s hand came back up toward him, and two fingers pressed firm to his forehead.

The rush that filled Jim was electric, forcing a gasp from his lips that fell off into a low moan.

His vision shook and he knew that his eyes were flickering from blue, to amber, to white, and back again.

It was hot and painful and incredible all at once.

By the time Nathan’s hand fell away, the cries of the others barely audible to Jim as he came back to himself, he knew without a doubt, without a single doubt …that he had never before felt so strongly and amazingly alive .