Page 81 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

Sasha

Jim’s eyes flickered like a burnt out television, switching colors from his normal deep blue, to that awful amber, to full-on white, only to start the process over again.

It filled Sasha with terror, the suddenness of it, the way Jim’s body went rigid, completely incapable of pulling away from Nathan or fighting what was happening to him.

Is that what Nathan had meant to do to him, Sasha wondered. Guilt and panic flared in his chest, standing there as rigid and frozen as Jim. Alex, Walter, and Shiarra were equally immobile and resistant to try and stop Nathan physically.

Then Nathan pulled his hand back from Jim’s forehead, Jim’s eyes no longer flickering but stationary on a single color— amber .

Amber filled up the irises along with the whites, the pupils still slit, the way they had looked outside the cave in Colorado.

The crooked, blissed-out grin forming on Jim’s face did not make any of it less daunting.

Sasha wished he could move away from them, but he was paralyzed. Jim was gone. Sasha didn’t need to see the strange smile on Jim’s face to know that, or the way Jim and Nathan smiled at each other .

“Whoa,” Jim gasped with laughter in his voice, “you big liar .” He tugged on Nathan’s collar, bringing the brothers’ faces mere millimeters apart. “This isn’t like the cave at all. It’s so much better. Fuck ,” Jim dropped his head back, eyes fluttering, “is this what you feel like?”

A pleased smile wormed onto Nathan’s face, but before he could reply, Alex came around the couch to step up next to Jim. “Jimmy…?” she called tentatively.

Walter and Shiarra had gotten up as well, standing in front of the couch watching.

Finger by finger, Jim released his hold on Nathan’s shirt, turning to look at Alex with a wide smile. He moved to her with sudden urgency and she flinched, though she didn’t try to back away.

“It’s okay,” Jim said, holding up his hands placatingly and then placing them gently on her shoulders.

“I’m not hurt. I feel…great. Like everything’s clear again.

Like nothing’s holding me back. I really think it’s going to be okay, Alex.

Nathan’s not lying to us. It’s just hard to understand right now, that’s all. ”

“Oh, God, just stop this ,” Sasha sputtered before he even knew words were leaving him.

Finally, he could move again and he backed away quickly for the wall, moving along it toward the door. He couldn’t just leave when the others were still in there with Jim and Nathan, but he couldn’t stand to be near them anymore.

“What did you do to him?” Sasha demanded, eyes hard on Nathan, no matter how pained and confused Nathan made his expression look.

“What do you want? Why are you doing this? Just tell us! If there’s nothing to be afraid of then why won’t you tell us…

?” Sasha’s voice trailed, his back half against the wall and half along the open space at the door.

He clutched the doorjamb, needing something to ground him since his legs felt so limp and boneless.

“Sasha…” Nathan said somberly.

“Calm down, it’s okay. You just don’t understand yet,” Jim said, his amber eyes vibrant, making it so hard for Sasha to look at either of them, Nathan’s eyes back to that red on black that he just hated, hated .

Sasha looked to Alex pleadingly, who still had Jim’s hands on her and looked like she didn’t know what to do. Sasha didn’t want to imagine Nathan doing what he had done to Jim to anyone else, changing them into a goddamn Stepford recruit. It sickened him to think Nathan had meant to do that to him.

He had no plan. He and Jim hadn’t come up with any plan, other than to keep their eyes open, find out as much as they could, and hope that whatever Nathan had meant for them to do to fix this would present itself.

How were they supposed to do that if Nathan started infecting them and changing them to his image?

“Get everyone to bed, Jim,” Nathan said without taking his eyes off of Sasha, his expression cold and so very disappointed . “They need the sleep.”

Sasha feared the worst when Nathan approached him. He waited for Nathan to touch his forehead like he had done to Jim, but he didn’t. Instead, Nathan walked up to Sasha, took his arm gently but firm, and began pulling him out of the lounge.

For a few moments Sasha was utterly dumb, silent and stumbling behind Nathan as he pulled him toward the stairs. He fought to regain some sense of self-preservation, of god damn confidence , and finally tried to wrench his arm free from Nathan’s grip.

Nathan was just so much stronger now. He was some unstoppable being that was and was not Nathan all at the same time.

Sasha fought harder against Nathan’s hold, yanking his arm and dragging his feet to stall Nathan from pulling him wherever they were headed.

“Stop fighting me,” Nathan commanded in a voice that was strangely emotionless, cold. “I’m just taking you to our room. You need sleep too. Sleep will help clear your head.”

That didn’t sound reassuring. Sasha dropped as they reached the stairs, his knees caught against one of the steps like he was a child throwing a tantrum over being forced to bed.

“I’m not going to bed with you,” Sasha said as he had before, the very idea of sharing a bed with this not-Nathan making his skin crawl.

Before in the library when they were still figuring this new Nathan out, Sasha had almost fallen for the charm, the promises, the way Nathan’s touch felt the same, his voice, his masked eyes, but the truth had been thrown right back in Sasha’s face—Wally hissing in warning, Nathan’s dismissal of it. This wasn’t Nathan. It wasn’t .

“Don’t touch me!” Sasha yelled and jerked his head away when Nathan turned to him, crouching and reaching out to take Sasha’s face in his hand.

“Don’t you dare…do to me what you did to Jim.

” Sasha knew he was close to crying now, close to losing it completely, his knees stinging from striking the step.

“How could you do that? You do these awful things, passing them off as necessary , and expect as to understand just because no one’s actually hurt?

Choice is all we have, and you took that away from Jim without even blinking.

You’re not Nathan! You’re just a god damn monster. ”

Fire flashed in the eyes looking down at him, all the wrath of the dark sidhe king about to rain down on Sasha, he was sure of it, almost welcomed it if it meant this would end.

But then the fire was gone, and Nathan crouched down on the steps, his expression soft; even his eyes that were still red on black remained oddly gentle.

“Baby,” he said, an utterance Sasha was starting to hate from all the times this Nathan said it, “don’t say that.

Please. Not you. I didn’t take choice away from Jim.

I just opened him up, woke him up to what he’s really capable of.

He’s still making his own decisions. It’s just easier for him to understand now. That’s all I want for you too.”

Sasha flinched when Nathan brushed the hair from his face, sure that Nathan meant at any moment to claim him too, change him. “D-Don’t…” Sasha trembled, hunched on the step, refusing to move.

“I won’t do anything to you,” Nathan said, “only if you ask me to.”

A huff left Sasha’s lips. “I’d never ask you to do that to me.”

“No? Maybe I can change your mind,” Nathan said, pulling Sasha’s arm to his chest where he placed Sasha’s palm flat against his heart. “Let me prove I’m me. Let me show you…”

For a moment their proximity had Sasha lost. He wanted to give in, and maybe he would have if it weren’t those eyes looking back at him.

“Don’t touch me,” Sasha said as he jerked away from Nathan and fell back, stumbling down the last couple steps to the main floor. The mild pain in his hip helped him focus, helped him remember that this wasn’t Nathan, it couldn’t be.

Sighing deeply, Nathan stood, walked slowly down those two steps, and held out a hand for Sasha. “Just let me take you to bed. Things will look different after you’ve gotten some sleep. I’ll even sleep on the god damn floor if you want me to, just…please.”

That tender tone, that willingness to compromise and sacrifice, was almost enough to sway Sasha again, but the others were counting on him now. He accepted Nathan’s help but immediately pulled his hand back after Nathan hoisted him to his feet.

Rather than argue, Nathan gestured up the stairs. It was a clever trick, being accommodating. Sasha couldn’t allow himself to fall for it. He walked up the stairs ahead of Nathan, not once looking back, and continued straight to their room.

Their room. The mere thought made Sasha cringe.

Before he could reach for the knob, realizing finally just how tired he really was, he heard light chuckling from Nathan.

Sasha jerked his head back accusingly. “What?”

“You’re really that afraid of me,” Nathan said with a small smile that Sasha thought looked disappointed more than mocking, those awful eyes looking so strange with sadness lingering in them.

“I can understand why. But I don’t know what else I can do to prove you all wrong. You just have to trust me.”

Sasha sneered as he turned and pushed his way into the room rather than get pulled into the sympathy Nathan was trying to wrangle from him.

“Sasha…” Nathan came in behind him.

“Go fuck yourself,” Sasha snarled, and headed for the bathroom.

He wasn’t surprised when a strong hand gripped his shoulder, though the sudden spinning of the room as Nathan turned him and slammed him into the wall was a bit of shock, or maybe that was just the wind being knocked from his lungs.

“Why do you have to keep fighting me? Why ?” Nathan growled hot into his face. “Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me, seeing you, being near you all day and not daring to touch you because I knew you’d pull away?”