Page 79 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

Jim

Light so bright and blinding it was almost painful to look at began to shine from Walter’s eyes and mouth—an inner light; a glimpse of Walter’s true form as it was burned out of his newly physical body merely by Nathan’s touch.

The light grew and grew until Walter’s screams finally started to fade, the light fading too, and then Nathan pulled his hand away, a lifeless body left to fall limply to the floor at his feet.

Jim wanted to tackle Nathan then, pin him to the ground, demand that he be Nathan and not this thing that was just some awful parody.

He wanted his brother back. He wanted there to be some way for them to fix this, but every possibility that came to him was too easily shot down.

Attacking would do nothing. Dissenting would mean nothing.

But how could he just stand by as witness?

The others were feeling just as he was, Jim could feel it as everyone began to move slowly forward, meaning to surround Nathan maybe, to act in some way, even if it was fruitless.

It was fruitless. Jim knew too well, and he looked panicked around him to tell everyone to stop, stay still, just stop , but Nathan’s voice sounded first.

“I would think very carefully about what you are planning to do,” he said with an eerie chill to his tone.

Everyone froze. Then Solrin moved forward, close to Nathan’s side, casting a warning glare at the others, daring them to make any kind of move that wasn’t veneration.

Nathan returned his gaze to the body on the floor. “What do you think I did to him, huh? Do you think I killed him? Of course I didn’t. I said I wouldn’t hurt him. I just don’t need a Spirit Guide anymore.”

“What does that mean?” Jim asked slowly.

It was almost on cue that the body Jim had feared was empty gave a sudden jerk, a gasp, and Walter started coughing, eyes fluttering with consciousness.

“See,” Nathan said, “he’s fine. Don’t be so melodramatic. I’m not the bad guy.”

Jim’s attention went to Walter, who seemed to be struggling to wake up and figure out what had happened.

Then Jim looked to Nathan, who turned out to them all, daring to look and even feel like Nathan when Jim knew it wasn’t that simple, knew there was too much other in Nathan for anything else to matter.

“As a Spirit Guide, Walter would have tried to interfere. So I took his power away from him. That’s all. No one got hurt,” he said as explanation.

“Interfere with what?” Alex asked, her expression and tone hard as ever.

Nathan turned to her with a smile that Jim thought was meant to be reassuring but just looked ominous. “I can’t just sit on this power and do nothing, Al.”

“What are you planning to do?” Shiarra demanded.

“What I’m planning is to go on like before,” Nathan said.

“Like we’ve been doing the past several months, trying to help people.

I can rid the world of every damn monster out there in one fell swoop.

I can make it so no one has to dedicate their lives to this crap or lose family the way we did ever again.

I can do that. I can save the world just like everyone thought I would.

I can do better .” He moved about the bar as he spoke, and for a brief, morbid moment Jim almost started laughing.

He couldn’t help thinking that Nathan would be laughing right now and would have been unable to keep his mouth shut if the circumstances were different and the man talking was someone else, because, after all, Nathan had to be a villain if he was going to start monologuing.

“Defeating Malak, what would that have gotten us?” Nathan said. “If I hadn’t done what I did, every single person in this place would be dead by now.”

“And it doesn’t bother you to have the thing responsible inside you?

” Sasha snapped, his expression hard like Alex’s— harder .

“Inside you…changing you into something you’re not.

I know this isn’t you, Nathan. You can’t actually want to make a crusade out of this.

You know it can’t lead to anything good. ”

Jim wished he could read emotions the way Sasha could, wished he could read more than just that pulse of darkness and some faint sense of Nathan coming from his brother.

Because with the way Nathan looked at Sasha after the incubus spoke, vivid signs of love and disappointment flashing over his face, Jim knew there was enough of Nathan in there that he honestly wanted them all to understand. He didn’t want to be alone in this.

And that was just too unfair.

“You don’t get it,” Nathan said, looking so much like he wanted to go to Sasha, but was refraining for Sasha’s sake , something that made Jim so angry, because this should be more black and white but it wasn’t.

“You don’t get it…but you will.” Then Nathan turned to Solrin, said something about needing time to think, told him to “Keep an eye on everyone,” and headed for the stairs.

There was no way Jim would acknowledge Solrin as his keeper.

He glared at the former seal and went to help Walter instead.

He and Sasha helped Walter sit upright while he continued to cough and gasp for air.

Soon, Walter’s breathing came under control, and something like recognition passed through his eyes, eyes that didn’t look quite as brilliant anymore when he looked at Jim and Sasha.

“I never thought it would end like this,” Walter said.

Jim didn’t know what to say. Sasha, when Jim looked at him now, seemed hollow, blank . It wasn’t like Sasha, who Jim had grown so used to being emotional and impulsive.

Jim asked Alex and Shiarra to get Walter some water, hinting that they should escape to the kitchen and stay out of sight, which they each acknowledged eagerly. Then Jim stood and walked to Solrin.

“Sasha and I are going up to talk to Nathan. You’re supposed to keep an eye on things? Keep an eye on them .” He pointed to the others heading for the kitchen, Alex and Shiarra both carefully helping Walter, though he already seemed much stronger.

Jim tried to seem like he wasn’t filled with as much hatred as he was, unable to forget that Solrin would have happily killed him and Sasha to see Nathan’s ‘light’ sooner.

Rather than wait to see if Solrin would protest, Jim turned away, grabbed Sasha’s arm, and headed immediately for the stairs.

He knew why Sasha was acting stony and cold now as if this wasn’t eating him alive, but they couldn’t afford for anyone to be a ticking time bomb.

As soon as they reached the top of the stairs, Jim grabbed Sasha by the front of his shirt and slammed him back against the nearest wall.

“You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” he practically snarled, all his patience used up on keeping himself from stupidly attacking Nathan. “Shutting down is not going to help us. I need you on the ball here, Sasha. Snap out of it.”

The incubus looked startled. Then his eyes narrowed and he snarled right back, “So what am I supposed to do? Start screaming? Cry on your shoulder?” He pushed hard at Jim’s chest, knocking him back a step.

“I don’t know what to do. And you don’t either.

How can we just…go through the motions when nothing we do can possibly fix this?

I can’t stand it. I can’t stand knowing there’s nothing I can do…

” His voice cracked, his expression broken, but before any screaming or crying could commence, Jim swooped in and pulled Sasha tight against him.

“We can fix this. And we’re going to,” Jim said with far more confidence than he felt. “We’re going to because Nathan’s counting on us. All this, the whole mess…it doesn’t add up, right?” He pulled back enough to look at Sasha, to see that haunted face close before him.

Sasha’s eyes glittered with understanding. “Right. Nathan would never have done this if he didn’t have a plan.”

“Exactly. And maybe that plan is us. Maybe Nathan’s counting on us to figure it out.

I don’t know if it’s just Malak in there messing with us, if it’s Nathan somehow being completely honest and in control, or if Nathan just thinks he’s in control and Malak’s still swaying him.

But when Nathan made his decision to let Malak take him, he couldn’t have known how it would turn out either, which means he would have planned for us to be just as doubtful.

We just have to figure this out. Somehow there’s a way for us to fix this. ”

Seemingly bolstered by Jim’s resolve, Sasha nodded. “We’re getting Nathan back.”

“Yes, we are. And there’s one way to start.” Jim glanced down the hallway, knowing Nathan was in one of the rooms. The idea of facing him was daunting, but they had to if they were going to have any chance of figuring this out.

They found Nathan in the library, snatching up books from the shelves and flipping through them like he was speed-reading, a wild grin on his face. He turned as they entered, smiling wider to see the both of them.

“It’s crazy,” he said, like they were picking right up on a conversation they had already been having, “all the things I know, that I know and remember …you wouldn’t believe.

Everything in these books,” he flipped through another one, “it’s already in my head.

All the ways to kill these creatures, to find them.

Guys, I tell ya, it’s gonna be easy once we start.

Cake . Shit, I can…I can even remember things about the Roman Empire before it fell.

” He laughed, closing his eyes as if he could see it all, centuries behind his eyelids.

“It’s like I was there, watching it all happen.

The things I know now…it’d blow your minds. ”

“Like what it was like torturing you in the Veil?” Sasha bit out.

Jim flinched and cast the incubus a warning look. But Nathan didn’t seem upset. His smile went crooked, a huff of air like a short laugh leaving him. He set down the book in his hands and started to come around the sofa closer to them.