Page 24 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

Nathan awoke too early, because they had never drawn the shades but the sky was still dark.

He had slept deeply, and though he couldn't remember dreams, he had the dull memory of something almost like an echo, like he had glimpsed a bit of their future again and not all of it was told in battles.

Nathan hoped he lived to see a life like that.

Even though it was too early, Nathan got up, uncoiling from Sasha carefully, knowing the incubus might be easily roused from sleep after such a thorough feeding last night. Nathan draped the covers more fully over Sasha and grabbed a pair of sleep pants from his duffle.

The Gatehouse was always a little eerie that early, everyone else still asleep, the lights all off save a scant few.

Nathan was thirsty, and strangely famished, so he headed for the kitchen, figuring maybe he would just make up some coffee for the crew.

Making coffee—that was something Nathan knew he could do, even if some things about normal life still felt strange.

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised when he smelled already brewing coffee as he reached the kitchen.

"Alex," Nathan more than likely mumbled since he was still a bit groggy, "what the hell are you doing up so early?"

Wearing a tank top and a pair of sleep pants of her own, Alex was in the process of wrapping up her hair in a messy bun when she turned to see Nathan enter. "Hey. I could say the same about you, ya know. Coffee?" she smiled, gesturing to the pot.

"Please. Black's fine. I'm not Jim, so I don't need the couple pounds of sugar," Nathan said, claiming one of the stools by the kitchen island. "You usually up this early?"

The coffee was done, so Alex grabbed some mugs, some cream for herself, and started pouring.

"Work at this place usually calls for it.

If I wake up, I can't fall back to sleep if it's after five.

So I figured coffee . Don't know how much everyone was able to sleep last night anyway, given everything that’s going on. You?" She passed Nathan his cup.

"Not so bad actually. I think my body was ready to crash. So…I had you tossing and turning, huh?" He let his eyes fall to the island's countertop so he wouldn't have to look into Alex’s eyes.

"We’re all scared, Nate," Alex said plainly. “Doesn’t mean I don’t believe in you. Oh, and…did I notice a new room claimed? There was another door closed on my way down.”

“Yeah, that’s just Walter. We’ll fill you and Iain in once everyone’s up and I can actually see straight.” He took another sip of his coffee. He could tell Alex wanted to ask about Walter, maybe to have Nathan reiterate whether it was the Walter she knew about or someone else, but she didn’t press.

Her eyes were dark when he finally looked up again, hazel and so beautiful. Nathan knew she was saying with her gaze that she understood how scared Nathan must be too, but somehow she looked so calm.

"I might mess this up," Nathan said, trapped in Alex's stare. "Nobody wants to admit it, but I might. I've let Malak win twice already. There's no guarantee. Only thing I know for sure is that I don't want it to happen. But I don't want to run anymore either. I don't want to deal with this alone."

"Good," Alex said, sipping her coffee and letting the intensity in her eyes soften.

"Not that I ever doubted you, Nate, and really, you could stand to have a little more faith in yourself.

It's true, you might make the wrong decision, but I don't think that's going to happen.

Not if it's all of us, working together.”

She smiled again. And Nathan smiled with her. And they drank their coffee.

"Hey." Nathan looked at Alex a little hesitantly again. "Will you tell me something? Honestly? I know the others won't. And I don't want to burden them by asking. Not that I want to burden you , but…I think you might actually tell me the truth."

Alex's expression went a little blank and she brushed back a stray strand of dark hair from her face. "Of course. Anything."

"What was that week like?"

Sasha had told Nathan more or less how they passed the time while he was in the Veil, but he knew better than to just take them at their word.

"It was quiet," Alex said after a moment.

"Tense. Jim and Sasha didn't leave each other’s side much, like maybe they still had a part of you around if they had each other.

It almost would have been sweet…if it didn't break my heart so much.

" Her smile broke, dropping completely until she took another gulp of coffee to clear her head.

"They only drank themselves to sleep once, one of the first days.

Then they just waited. It was hard. But it was worse when you left because you wanted to," she finished with a flick of her eyes, heatedly centered on Nathan.

"I know." He couldn't apologize anymore, couldn't think of anything to add that could actually make up for it, so he simply met Alex's gaze again, bare, not trying to hide anything; he had hidden long enough.

"Hungry?" Alex moved for the refrigerator, the smile back on her face as if that moment between them was all she wanted, and she wouldn't ask for more.

That's when it dawned on Nathan. None of them would ever ask anything of him; they didn't expect him to save the world, but they believed he was capable.

"Actually, I'm starved," Nathan said, feeling lighter, relieved, free . "Think we can manage pancakes? Bet that'd get the others out of bed."

Alex chuckled, shaking her head but looking totally game as she glanced at him with a raised eyebrow tossed over her shoulder. "You check for syrup, I'll get the milk and eggs."

Later, after pancakes and a round of general and somewhat vague introductions for Walter—that he was Nathan’s Spirit Guide, Walter offered easily, but further details he kept closely guarded—Nathan headed upstairs to the library to see if there were any books on changelings.

He knew what Jim could do, knew that so far Iain couldn’t do anything, but he wanted to know as many variations on changeling power as he could before this mystery man Walter had mentioned showed up on their doorstep.

“I feel I must reiterate once more—I am not Nathan’s guardian angel. I was a man once myself,” came Walter’s voice as Nathan approached the library door.

Iain’s laughter filtered out in reply, and Nathan imagined the lanky brunette wearing a weak grimace of a smile. “I know. I’m just not really all that pure in the sin department, is all, so heavenly guardian still seems a bit daunting.”

“Spirit Guide.”

“Sure, sure, I just figure mine must be a wreck, huh? I’m a fucking disaster area.”

Nathan turned the corner just in time to catch Iain’s stunned face when he realized he’d sworn in front of Walter.

“Oh, god,” Iain gasped, “please don’t smite me.”

Nathan tried not to laugh. He’d never looked at Walter in fear of being smote—or was it smited? Smitten? Nathan coughed and shook his head. “Iain…” he said tentatively.

“Nathan.” Walter looked to him warmly before turning back to Iain. “It’s quite alright, Iain. You exaggerate your sins. You are a good man. I can see that only too easily.”

Nathan didn’t miss that Walter avoided explaining that changelings didn’t have Spirit Guides—or so Nathan had always been told.

Iain’s eyes were about ready to pop out of his head. “You can see that?”

“One of the many gifts I have retained in solid form. I can’t see everything, but I can see your…I suppose you might call it your aura, the presence that hangs about you from the choices you’ve made and the purity in your heart. That you are a good man is bright and beautiful.”

If it had been anyone else calling Iain ‘beautiful’ Nathan might have thought it was either a come-on or a tease, but when Walter said it, the connotation meaning something so much deeper than physical appearance, it was something entirely different.

Iain was positively dumbstruck. He actually squeaked in response, a little whimper that he quickly coughed his way out of, blush in his cheeks, goofy smile back in place, as he attempted very valiantly to make a suitable comeback.

“ You’re beautiful,” he said at first, which caused his eyes to widen again at his traitorous brain for allowing that, fumbling and blushing even more.

“I-I meant…y-ya know…that you’re obviously a really awesome guy yourself if you were chosen to be someone’s Spirit Guide for their whole life.

That’s just…amazing. You must have been something else when you were alive. ”

“I…” Walter trailed, the smile flickering from his face.

The few times Nathan had tried to get Walter to talk about his human life, he would always dismiss the notion as ‘of no consequence’ like it wasn’t important, at least not in relation to Nathan’s life. But that was silly. Nathan wanted to know, because Walter was part of his life.

He sat down beside the other two amidst the piles of books and looked at Walter expectantly. Iain’s expression was much the same.

Walter sighed deeply under their scrutiny.

“There is not much to say. I lived a simple life in a large but simple city. I was well-educated, and very determined to make something of myself and to teach others, and so I was a professor of history. I was not very good at making friends, however, and I lost my parents young, with no siblings. It wasn’t until I met my…

wife, and we created our own family that I knew joy.

“I never wanted another to be without that opportunity, and that feeling stayed with me even when I passed. When I was offered the chance to watch over Nathan, I knew it was an easy decision. I will be with my wife and daughters again someday, but for now, this is where I am meant to be.”