Page 1 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

Nathan heard Sasha call out, “I’m supposed to save him! I can save him!” but maybe this time Wade had been wrong.

Further protests swirled around him, but he couldn’t really make sense of them.

He felt Sasha and Jim’s hands leave his body.

Pain surged through him, but he seemed to float, suspended in a void of sound and light and sudden cold.

For the briefest moment he thought he saw Walter looking on sadly from too far away.

Nathan tried to move, managing only to bring a hand to his chest where he clutched his father’s wedding ring tight.

The only thing he could be certain of was the rush of darkness that filled him when a hand—Malak’s hand—touched his shoulder.

If he fell, felt another sting of pain, felt burned or ripped from his body, screamed even, he couldn’t be sure.

There was only darkness, the empty echo of Jim and Sasha shouting his name, and remnants of the lullaby calling cruelly after him into the dark.

“And until we meet again…”

“Okay, Jim. Okay…”

Pain struck Nathan like a knife to the gut. He was freezing, air rushed into his lungs like they hadn’t breathed in days, and his entire body throbbed as if he actually had space left for new wounds. He wasn’t alone. He was never alone. Never free.

It had been so long since he dared pull a weapon, but it was too much. He didn’t care about consequences. It was supposed to be over. He had promised him. He promised .

“Nathan, wait! Stop!”

Like Hell .

His ankle blade was right where it should be, tucked neatly under his pillow—a bad habit he had never been able to break. His vision blurred in front of him as he swayed on his feet, having leapt from the bed. The room could spin all it wanted; he knew where to point the blade.

“W-Why…?” His teeth chattered as he spoke.

“Y-You…p-promised. W-What did you…d-do to me?” Nathan felt awful, sick, like he might throw up.

Everything ached. His body didn’t feel like his own.

“You s-said you’d…take it away. I gave you what you w-wanted.

You said you’d take it away!” he shouted finally at the indistinct figure…

of his brother. Sasha was there too, wearing his human guise.

That almost made Nathan falter, but he knew it was a lie.

“Nathan, please!” Jim said.

“It’s okay! You’re okay!” Sasha called.

“S-Stay away from me.” Nathan backed toward the corner of the room, knife brandished shakily. “Why? Why are you…d-doing this? I did what you wanted. I did everything you wanted…”

“Nathan, it’s us,” Sasha tried to say calmly, inching closer with hands held up in seeming surrender. Jim did the same.

Nathan knew he had to be a pitiable sight with that weakly held knife, but he’d use it, damn it, he would. Somehow he’d use it.

His back hit the corner of the room.

“Playing that game?” Nathan scoffed. “I know better. You haven’t been them in…in so long, I…I don’t even remember. I don’t remember…”

“Nathan,” Jim pleaded, moving closer with one hand outstretched. He looked so strange to Nathan, almost believable with those dark blue eyes so caring, so concerned. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like, but it’s over. You’re not in the Veil anymore. We got you out. You’re safe. With us.”

“Please believe us, Nathan,” Sasha said. “Just look at us.” He gestured to himself; to Jim. Sasha too looked so normal, so honest and how Nathan remembered him. “It’s really us. You’re safe, Nathan. Please recognize us…”

He recognized them. But it had to be a trick. Another damn trick like all the others.

“I gave you what you wanted,” Nathan said again. He was so cold. Nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. He couldn’t understand why this was happening when he had finally given in.

“Nathan, it’s us ,” Sasha said more firmly, like maybe Nathan just couldn’t hear them.

“Malak took you and we’re so sorry,” Jim said. “We wish we could have gotten you out sooner, but you have to know us. Please tell me you still know us…”

“Malak…?” Nathan glared at the false images before him, knife still held firm, warning them not to get closer. “It had nothing to do with that, you know that, you know . I didn’t…I didn’t go to the Veil.”

Jim and Sasha stopped their progression toward him, their eyes wide and disbelieving. They shared a pained look, not knowing what to say until finally Jim spoke, slow and gentle.

“Nathan, don’t you remember? Malak said killing the spriggan instead of banishing it broke the deal. That’s why we couldn’t win, why we couldn’t save you. You went to the Veil, Nathan. You’ve been in the Veil. But you’re out now. I don’t know what Malak did to you there, but we got you out.”

It almost made sense, as if a second reality were trying to push into Nathan’s mind: memories of what Jim was saying, memories he knew weren’t fabrications, and yet…how could he remember things happening two different ways?

The Veil? Had that been the Veil? To him it had felt like life .

“Malak touched my shoulder…” Nathan looked up, seeing Jim and Sasha’s faces the way they were meant to be. It didn’t feel like a trick. Oh God, let it not be a trick.

Sasha nodded, moving closer again, and Jim did as well, reaching out in hopes that Nathan might give up the knife. “That’s right. And you fell,” Sasha said, “right that second, Nate. You were gone. But now you’re back. You’re okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

The knife felt heavy in Nathan’s limp hand. He was still on guard, still waiting for them to reveal the lie. But when Jim’s hand closed around his to take the blade away, he couldn’t be strong anymore.

Nathan sunk forward against Jim, boneless, feeling the strange and forgotten comfort of his brother’s arms holding him up. He didn’t realize he was crying until he lifted his head just enough to speak and saw wetness on the shoulder of Jim’s shirt.

“Jim…” He tried to hold on, to cling and not be such dead weight, but he didn’t have any strength left. Jim had to hold all of him, and he did, as if it were the meagerest burden.

It was Jim. It was really him. Nathan breathed in and it even smelled like Jim, the way he hadn’t known his brother in so long.

Sasha . Nathan found the strength to look up to where he last remembered Sasha standing, and he was immediately scooped away from Jim into similarly strong and enveloping arms. He sank against Sasha just as eagerly, but when lips brushed his without warning, he flinched.

There was a gasp in his throat as he looked up and saw blue, so beautiful, and that face gazing at him with all the emotions he had so deeply missed.

He wanted to banish the startled and pained look that flickered across Sasha’s face.

He hadn’t meant to flinch. It had just been so long since he wanted such things.

Since it mattered what he wanted. Tilting his head up, Nathan reconnected with those lips, kissing as deep and as desperately as he ever had.

Sasha , loving him through skin, had those traitorous tears streaming down his cheeks like he was twelve years old all over again and the world would never be the same.

“Oh…yeah,” Nathan choked out, “that’s what that’s supposed to feel like.”

“Nathan…?” Sasha questioned in a breathless voice.

“Nathan,” Jim said, sounding angry and determined, “what did that bastard do to you?”

No . Nathan couldn’t bear for them to know the truth.

He opened his eyes, hands clenching too tight at Sasha’s biceps with most of his body still leaning against that stronger form in front of him.

He shook his head. “I can’t…talk about that.

P-Promise me…you w-won’t…ask me that.” His teeth were chattering again as the chills returned and wracked through his body. He shivered closer into Sasha’s arms.

“God, Nate, you’re freezing,” the incubus said, neither him nor Jim acknowledging that plea for a promise they couldn’t give.

“Yeah,” Nathan breathed into the familiar soft skin of Sasha’s neck, and that smell, that Sasha smell untainted. When he looked again at Sasha’s face, then at Jim’s, he couldn’t believe what his now focused eyes saw. “You don’t…look any different.”

They stared at him for a moment. “Nate,” Sasha said, “why would we look different, it’s only been…” He trailed, his eyes wide when he turned to meet Jim’s. “Damn it, the time difference. Nate, it’s…it’s only been a week for us. I guess it must have been longer for you.”

A year , Nathan thought, but he didn’t have the heart to tell them. “Yeah…guess I forgot it’d be shorter for you. Just a week, huh? Barely had time to miss me.” He hoped the grin he mustered looked something like his old one. He couldn’t quite remember how to form it.

“I could…make up a hot bath for you, get you warmed up,” Sasha suggested.

“That’d be awesome .”

“I should go tell everyone. They’re waiting downstairs,” Jim said, causing Nathan’s head to snap up again as he looked around at their surroundings.

They had kept the room dark for him, only a small lamp on and the light from the bathroom. “Are we…at a hotel?”

“Uhh,” Jim faltered and exchanged a look with Sasha. “No, Nate. We’re at the Gatehouse.”

“This is the room we stayed in before, remember?” Sasha said.

“Yeah…right. Did you say everyone’s downstairs?” Nathan asked, not exactly liking the idea of meeting a crowd tonight.

“Don’t worry, Nate,” Jim smiled tightly in assurance.

“We knew you wouldn’t want to be bombarded.

That’s why it’s just us. Everyone wants to know you’re okay, but you don’t have to see anyone until you’re ready.

You can stay in this room all week if you want.

I’ll go let the others know you’re, umm…

awake. Maybe we can order a bunch of pizzas or something. If you’re hungry?”

Nathan felt like he hadn’t eaten the entire time he’d been gone. “Heck yeah, Jim. I’m starved. Get some with everything on it, will ya? And I mean everything . Even the crap I usually pick off.”