Page 4 of Sidhe (The Incubus Saga #3)

The layout of the Gatehouse came back to Nathan easily even after the longest year of his life, and he found his way through the corridor to the main stairs, taking each step slowly as he moved his still stiff body down to the bar.

Unconsciously, he clutched at his father’s wedding ring around his neck.

He could hear a chorus of voices as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so nervous. To see them all again—Alex, Iain, even Shiarra—it all seemed so surreal. Nathan could remember vividly how each of them had died.

Pushing those thoughts aside as best he could, Nathan stepped into the bar.

The many voices quickly stilled. It was always only for show that Nathan Grier liked the limelight.

He preferred anonymity most of the time.

Having everyone staring at him like he was some second coming was more than a little unnerving.

He thought of saying something witty to break the tension, maybe get the serious crew to crack smiles instead of wearing those drawn and relieved faces.

Like, “If you want a hug you better get in line coz nobody’s dog-piling me,” or something.

Instead he managed barely a small shrug and a too quiet, “Hey,” that sounded nothing like him, and really, he had to get over this and soon because the others should not be looking at him like he was too fragile to touch.

He needed to touch. He needed to know this world was real; the other one was the nightmare.

Jim and Sasha stood next to Iain not far from Nathan, and Alex and Shiarra sat on stools.

Somehow Nathan found the strength to walk in amongst them.

He accepted the hugs that were offered, the pats on his shoulder and arm, the nods and loving looks, even though every glance at one of them brought with it an image of their corpse—or what had been left of it when Nathan saw them in their last minutes.

Alex was the hardest to touch for that reason. Her body…

He went rigid against her as they hugged, just what he hadn’t wanted to do. Maybe Jim and Sasha had already told them that he had been a dribbling, screaming wreck when he first got back, but if they hadn’t, then he didn’t want any extra reason for pity.

“Nate…?” Alex asked gently, her long dark hair pressing to the side of his face.

“Man…pretty stiff,” Nathan grabbed at an excuse as he pulled from her embrace. “Guess it sorta goes with being basically dead for a week, huh?” He grinned.

And bless Alex for holding back a smile and shaking her head at him instead of looking on with more sympathy.

That was the annoyed but happy expression he was used to from his old friend.

He wanted to be immersed in the group, surrounded.

He wanted to remember what living his life was supposed to feel like.

When Shiarra embraced him, he couldn’t help asking, “Just you? What about the rest of the sex demons? Cam? The twins? Not that I expected to see Lindsey .”

“Sasha called them,” Shiarra said, “so they know that you are all right, but we assumed you wouldn’t want too many people around at first. I was nonnegotiable.”

“I’m sure they’ll want to see you eventually, Nathan,” Sasha added.

“ Including Charis and Lindsey. Well…” his eyes darkened slightly, “…I haven’t actually spoken to Lindsey, but I’ve talked to Charis.

She’s been speaking with Cam and the twins, trying to convince Lindsey to give us a chance.

You might actually see him someday soon. ”

Nathan was pleased he didn’t have to see any of them just yet—their small group was enough for now—but he was also happy to hear that company was possible in the near future, if only for Sasha’s sake.

There was food and conversation, although Nathan was somewhat quiet like he had been the night before since he enjoyed hearing everyone else’s voices.

He let those varied timbres carry his visions of a false reality away for a while as they ate at the bar tables.

The food tasted even better than the pizza had the previous night, which had been incredible in Nathan’s book.

He hadn’t at all lost his appetite, and he could tell how much that simple fact seemed to soothe the others.

Just as they were finished eating, there was a terrible sound like a half-strangled howl or cry from a wounded animal. They all turned startled to look where the noise was coming from, and there standing in the doorway to the bar was a large grey tabby cat with all its hair standing on end—Wally.

Alex had mentioned that the chimera was too comfortably situated on her favorite sofa cushion to be bothered, but that she would probably join them later.

Nathan had also been prepared for the cat form as it was safer for her to stay that way when seals so often came in and out of the Gatehouse.

But the arched back and extended fur, the wild eyes, the strange noises growling out of her were nothing like he had ever seen from the creature before.

Nathan rose from his seat at the small barroom table and made toward the frightened cat-shaped chimera. “What’s up, girl? Don’t tell me there’s something to hunt here again? Not that you count, of course,” he grinned, holding out a hand as he walked swiftly to her.

His approach only agitated her more, and the sudden hiss she threw at him had Nathan stopping in his tracks. Wally wasn’t terrified and on guard over some foreign object or creature to hunt; she was focused entirely on him—afraid of him .

“Hey…Wally,” Nathan tried again, voice soothing and hands held up as he took another small step forward.

She immediately started spitting at him like a cat on the attack, frozen in her spot in the doorway as if to ward him off. Did she not recognize him, he wondered at first. But he had never seen her react like that to someone before. Not even when she had been wary of Jim.

Then the awful truth struck Nathan: she knew what the others didn’t. She knew what he had become while he was gone, the terrible things he had done…

“Wally, stop that, it’s just Nathan,” Sasha said sternly, breezing past him to scoop the animal into his arms. She allowed him to pick her up but didn’t relax, hair still sticking up, eyes on Nathan, a low growl in her throat. “Wally,” Sasha said again, “it’s Nathan. You know Nathan.”

But not this Nathan , Nathan thought. Nathan barely knew this Nathan.

“Nate?”

Nathan wasn’t even sure who said his name but he had to get away.

He turned abruptly, no destination in mind just the thought of escape, something he was used to seeking the past year.

But as soon as he turned and tried to move anywhere but where he was, Alex was in his path, reaching her hands out to grab his arms, her face concerned, her voice plaintive.

“Nathan?”

No . Nathan knew that look, a look that begged, that pleaded, that didn’t understand.

Jim had shredded it from her face.

He was allowed to wander the house, though he seldom did, afraid of what he might find. He still wasn’t sure what the place was, where it was, where he was, but it was a house, and every room seemed to hold something terrible. Only his room was safe, and it was never safe for long.

When he did venture out it was always for the same purpose—he had to find Sasha.

He knew the incubus was alive. He had to be alive or Jim would have taunted him with Sasha’s corpse.

But the silence, the not knowing made him fear so deeply for his love.

The things he had seen Jim do to others…

he didn’t want to think of that happening to Sasha.

Walking down the upstairs corridor, he could hear screams, growls, voices he knew belonged to sidhe and creatures under Jim’s control.

He was safe from them. Only from them. So he walked freely until he came to a door that was quiet.

Before he could dare try the knob, Jim suddenly stepped out of it into the hallway in front of him.

Jim was dressed simply, just a T-shirt and jeans, sneakers, his hair and face so like how Nathan knew it, but Jim’s eyes were never blue anymore and his face was never kind. Something else shook Nathan as he looked at his brother.

He was covered in blood.

“What…what did you do?” Nathan feared this was the room he meant to find after all and that something awful had befallen Sasha.

Slowly, Jim looked at Nathan, unconcerned as he wiped the blood from his face with the back of his hand as though it were as simple a thing as dirt and grime. “She wouldn’t choose me either.” He shrugged and walked past Nathan without a glance back.

It was rare that Jim would leave him so easily, but then the torture this time was in knowing that Nathan would have to look inside the room.

He did. What was left of the body inside was a mangled mess, only recognizable to Nathan because of the long dark hair and the shirt he remembered her wearing the night everything ended.

Alex…

Nathan was shaking again, so cold—always shaking and cold. Small, gentle hands were holding his shoulders, trying to keep him upright, but he stumbled, falling to his knees and bringing his helper down with him.

“Nathan!”

It was Alex but how could it be Alex when she was dead, dead , so horribly dead.

“Help me get him up,” she said to someone else, someone whose arms were stronger, and Nathan knew by the way they grasped him that it was Jim. Jim, who had done those awful things, made him do awful things, who wouldn’t leave him alone, God, why won’t he leave me alone?