Page 58 of Rugged Hearts: Part One
Bile rises in my throat as I read the letter. Then without warning I run into the kitchen knowing I won’t make the bathroom, throwing up into the sink.
I’m so sorry for causing you this pain. It’s forthe best so we can start fresh together. Build a new life, a new pack, together, just the two of us.
He…he killed Connor. I’m throwing up until there’s nothing left and even then, I keep going. That can’t be what happened. Risking a glance back at the letter clutched in my hand, I read over his words. This time I don’t throw up, not that there’s anything to, my knees buckle and I’m collapsing to the floor. This happened because of me. He did this to get at me.
He’ll do anything to get me that’s been made clear based on his deranged letters. I don’t have anyone left for him to take. No, wait, that’s not true. Connor’s parents. They wouldn’t be a threat to him, right? My mind is whirling. I can’t take that chance. He’ll come for me and I can’t let them be in the crossfire. I can’t have anyone else’s death on my conscience. I don’t even know I’ll survive having Connor’s there.
Rising up on shaky legs with my decision made, I rush through the apartment and prep some bags for the trip. Mainly my clothes and some toiletries. I decide last minute to pack up Connor’s clothes into large freezer bags, packing one with my clothes. The others I’ll bring with me to his parents’ house. They should have something with his scent. Especially when I’m gone.
I make arrangements, moving money into an easier account to access, one that hopefully can’t be traced. I don’t want to take any chances. Knowing he watches me based on his letters, I’ll go back to Connor’s parents’ house tonight as if everything is as normal as it can be right now. Then leave late tonight. I doubt he’s watching me at two or three in the morning.
Connor’s parents. I can’t just disappear on them. That on top of losing Connor would destroy them. But it’s better they’re alive, right? I need to explain why I’m leaving. Pulling out a pad of paper, I begin writing. The irony of me leaving them a letter is not lost on me.
On my way back I stop at an ATM to get as much cash out as Ican of what’s left and fill up my car with gas. When I get back to the house it’s quiet. James is the only one I see in the living room as I try to head upstairs unnoticed. Which of course fails when he says, “Get everything you needed?”
I turn to look at him. Gods he’s trying so hard to help keep everyone together. I hate myself even more for what I’m about to do. “Yeah, enough for a while longer,” I say as I begin to head upstairs. I stop suddenly to add, “James, thank you for everything. Not just these past couple weeks but everything you guys have done for me.” Don’t cry Thea, do not cry.
“Of course, honey. You’re family, we’ll always be there for you,” he says sincerely.
Nodding quickly, I go up the stairs, the first tear falling once I’m in my room with the door closed. I don’t deserve them. Especially not when I’m the reason their son was killed.
I just need to disappear. Keep them safe and disappear from this life. The idea of starting over somewhere, especially without Connor, makes my stomach turn again. I have to do this.
We can’t let him win.
I won’t Connor, I won’t let him win, not in the end.
45
KEELAN
Lying in bed with my bonded omega is my new favorite place. I truly never want to leave. I never thought something would top being in my workshop working on a new piece but it’s happened. I mean I always wanted that kind of relationship, something deep and meaningful but after last time, I resigned myself to it not happening. I glance over at my nightstand where the wooden heart she made is. I don’t think she realizes I carry that with me all the time. Especially now bonded to her it makes me think of her own heart. It may be hurt and broken in spots but it’s coming back together slowly, creating a rugged heart, one that’s whole again but rough all the same. That analogy works for my own heart too, in a different way.
Thea is currently half lying on me as we cuddle in my bed. She still hasn’t set up the pack bedroom since their shopping trip the other day. Instead, she’s focusing on getting her nest set up just how she wants it. Not surprising with her heat coming soon. She’s also taken to nesting around the house, having little spaces she likes to go to with a blanket and pillows. Jake’s window seat seems to be her favorite lately. Her wavy hair is sprawled out behind her as I play with the ends between my fingers. She’s wearing one of my shirts, even though we moved all her thingshere, she still prefers my shirts to sleep in. My inner alpha purrs in possessive satisfaction.
“Can I ask you something?” she asks as her fingers make little circles on my chest.
“You just did,” I joke. When she sighs in exasperation I add, “Of course, anything.”
There’s a moment of silence as if she’s gathering courage, that’s what it feels like in the bond. “Is there a reason you haven’t wanted to have sex since our bonding?”
I’m not surprised by the question. I figured it’d come up sooner or later. She readjusts her position so she can face me for this conversation. Better to get it all out, I don’t want anything holding me back anymore. “First, it absolutely has nothing to do with you if that’s what you’re worried about. I haven’t told you about my experience with our ex, that was on purpose. Before I get into what happened there, let me back up a little. For years I’ve been wanting an omega. I was one of the first in the pack to voice that need. Having someone to love and care for, that idea just soothed something in me.” Pausing, I feel her sending her love and reassurance down the bond for which I’m grateful. She hasn’t said the words but I know how she feels. She’ll voice them when she’s ready.
Taking a deep breath, I continue, “When we met Amber and she was scent compatible with half the pack, I didn’t think anything of it since she said she was open to courting us. However, as you’ve heard from the others, she wasn’t interested in all of us equally. I went in with full intention to court her, build a relationship, but she quickly shot that down. She only wanted sex from me. It was the only kind of attention she’d give me. The first few months I was so desperate for connection I went with it hoping she’d change her mind. It was stupid on my part.” A light growl interrupts me and I look down at the furious omega looking up at me with rage in her eyes.
“You’re not stupid. I swear if I ever see this woman I can’t promise I won’t punch her repeatedly in her stupid face foreverything she’s done to this pack.” I can’t help but smile at my possessive omega. I love how much she cares for us all.
“Easy there, Baby Girl. No maiming allowed,” I say, easing the tension.
She pouts a little. “Just a little?” She holds up two of her fingers with a small distance between them.
“Our vicious omega, what are we going to do with you?” I joke. The look in her eyes shifts from teasing to soft affection as she kisses my chest. A silent gesture as I try to redirect my thoughts back to what happened last year.
“That went on for the first few months. The last two months of the courtship I ended our arrangement. I guess you can call it that since it most definitely wasn’t courting. She was not happy, and took it as a rejection, lashing out at me.” I don’t want to rehash what she said but Thea deserves to know the source of my hesitancy. I want her to know every part of me inside and out.
“Basically she said no omega would want to be with someone who can barely communicate and too dumb to work a real job like Micah, Eli, Liam, and Jake.” Before I can continue Thea is growling more intensely now. I try to stir up a purr to calm her but it’s hard with everything else going on in my head. I run my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.
“Don’t try to make me feel better, this is about you. That fucking bitch. You know what she said is bullshit right? You are so smart and incredibly creative to be able to make the things you do. You make art every day, things that literally take my breath away.”