Page 48 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

Shaking my head, I sigh, “Your mind really does come up with any possible scenario where you won’t end up happy doesn’t it?”

A flicker of emotion passes his eyes. There, the slightest reaction to what I said. Guess he still does have some emotions buried deep down. “Better to be prepared for the worst,” he counters, his mask firmly back in place.

“Yeah well while you’re preparing for the worst, you’re going to ruin any chance you have with your own Gods damn scent match. We can only say ‘ignore Micah he has reasons or he has baggage’ so long because the longer you’re an ass, the less we will stick up for you. Especially now that she’s pack, because she is. Like you said we’re stuck with her, so do you really want to live in a house with someone you’re always guarded against? That’s not what pack is, not what our pack is at least.”

“You mean was. We haven’t been that pack since before…her.”

I run my hand over my face in frustration. “Look I love you like a brother. So as your brother who’s known you almost my entire life, you need to let the Amber thing go. The damage she did over a year ago is nothing to the damage you are letting the memory of her do right now. We have a scent match, our entire pack is matched to her. No one is left out like last time, except you. Whose fault is that?”

He doesn’t say anything, not that I expect him to. Leaving himto stew, I return to the living room with just Ben and Liam remaining. I go to leave but Liam stops me. “Eli, I was thinking we could go to her place and grab some clothes for her, at least for the next week. Then after her bonding period with Keelan is through we can talk to her about what moving in looks like.”

“Good idea, I’ll grab the keys to her place and meet you at the car,” I say. For some reason after everything I said to Micah, I didn’t connect the dots that she’d be moving in now. I mean, right, people don’t live apart when they’re bonded, do they?

38

THEA

It’s been a couple days since I bonded with Keelan and it feels like a dream. Both in the sense it’s been so nice but I’m also waiting for reality to come crashing in. Funnily enough we haven’t had sex since that first time, which I’m actually okay with. There’s been lots of cuddles. Keelan loves it and it just proves what a teddy bear he really is. Of course something more than cuddles has happened, especially when we tend to our bond marks a few times a day. It was clear from the start they are extremely erogenous zones now. But nothing more than intense making out has happened. It’s funny because after we admit our feelings, immediately bond, we somehow end up taking things slow after that.

It’s crazy to think how much has changed in a short time. I’m essentially moved into the pack house now, but I don’t feel fully settled. Maybe it’s something that will come with time, but knowing myself I think I’m waiting for something bad to happen that will upend everything. I keep having to remind myself to stop running and be present. Keelan has helped a lot, whenever he feels my anxiety filtering through the bond, he sends a wave of love and reassurance.

Today he decided to try and do some work in his shop for afew hours. I feel weird just hanging out in his room without him. So I wander the house and end up outside Parker’s office, remembering that fluffy cloud-like chair he has. Knocking on the door I hear a faint, “Yeah.”

Walking in, I notice he has his lights in a purple and pink color mode. The only other light source comes from his many computer screens. He hasn’t turned around, still working away. Maybe I shouldn’t bother him.

“Hey,” I say tentatively, causing him to turn around. He looks surprised to see me. Not sure why, he’s seen me plenty these couple of days.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, does something have to be wrong for me to visit you?” I ask genuinely since it seems like he does expect that. It’s felt odd between us. When we’re with the whole pack he’s his bubbly energetic self, but when we’re alone he seems a lot more reserved and hesitant.

His brows raise in surprise as he replies, “No of course not. I just didn’t expect you to want to come by here. Unless you wanted to make another secure call?”

Walking over to where he’s seated at his desk, I explain, “I came by because I wanted to see you, no other reason.” Placing my hand in his, I give two squeezes. Our unofficial code it seems. His stiff posture relaxes at that.

“Oh…okay.” He rubs at the back of his neck with his other hand. “Give me a couple minutes to wrap something up and we can relax for a bit in the chair.” He gestures to the fluffy chair at the other end of the room. Squeezing his hand another two times, I go over to the chair. I push the giant ottoman up against it, making it more like a bed in size. Perfect for stretching out.

Liam and Eli had gone to my place that first day and brought me nearly my whole wardrobe. I don’t know what they think women need for a few days but they covered all the bases and then some. Even though I’ve basically been living in sweatpants or leggings and Keelan’s shirts. Having his scent aroundespecially on a day like today when he’s working for some time helps. Liam said this clinginess and tending to the bonds should only last about three to four days so we’re almost through it.

Parker coming over interrupts my thoughts. He looks unsure about joining me in the chair. I pat the open spot next to me, which seems to be the permission he needed. He’s wearing a graphic t-shirt and sweats as well. Once he’s settled with his legs stretched out, I move over closer to his side and cuddle into his chest. His whole body freezes.

“Sorry, I’ll move over.”

“No it’s fine, more than fine. I just didn’t expect it.” I look at him curiously. We need to talk and check in. He said the other day he wanted to bond but it’s like he doesn’t expect it or want it.

Knowing him I think this conversation would be better if we weren’t looking at each other. Moving back to my initial position, resting my head on his chest. Even from the right side of it I can hear his heart racing. I interlock my fingers with his and squeeze twice. “I care about you Parker, a lot. You said you wanted to bond at some point. But sometimes I wonder if you truly feel anything more than friendship. It’s fine if you do, no pressure. There’s other times it seems like more between us and I guess I’m a little confused.”

His hand is squeezing mine tightly. “I do…I…” he starts then stops, as if he’s trying to find the right words. Squeeze. Squeeze. I’m in no rush.

“I meant what I said. You already have me, bonding would be an added bonus—one I’m not sure is a realistic possibility.” I fight every instinct to sit up and look at him. Why would he think that? I mean I know I’ve been super slow at this whole courting thing but they all said they understood my reasonings.

He continues, “Our ex.” A growl erupts from me. “Yeah she was not very nice, I guess you heard some of the stories. Did anyone tell you how she was with me?”

Eli did in the most basic sense.“Just that she didn’t want a relationship with you for superficial reasons.”

A hollow laugh escapes him. “Yeah that’s the gist of it. But even the guys didn’t know the worst, not until we started going to group therapy after everything.” He stops, taking a few deep breaths.

“She didn’t just reject any possibility of a relationship, even friendship. When she was up here visiting, whenever she saw me she was never short of a snide comment on my weight. I tried to just befriend her when it was clear she wasn’t interested in me romantically, because most of the pack seemed to be falling for her and I didn’t want to be the reason they lost out on a love like that.