Page 19 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

“Stop staring,” my mom whispers as she sits next to me on the couch. Even at twenty-eight she can always make me feel like a kid being caught doing something wrong. “Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.”

“I really hope so. I just have a weird feeling I can’t shake and I’ve never felt so rattled as I did today hearing her panicked and not really being able to do anything to fix it,” I say quietly so Thea can’t hear.

“You showed up, were there for her when she needed you. You alphas always think you need to fix every problem or you failed your job,” she says and I don’t miss the side eye she gives my dad Max. “Being there, as someone to rely on, in moments of need is just as important as ‘fixing’ the problem. Just continue what you’re doing, you can’t go wrong.”

Other than when her parents passed away, we haven’t had anything serious come up until now. Even when that happened, I remember feeling helpless, especially as a kid just out of college. Well we both were, thank the Gods for my parents. They really took the lead during all that and helped Thea work through her grief. Her and Mateo would spend hours some days playing card games. I think it helped distract her. I wanted so badly to bond her during that time, just to know how she was really feeling so I could help her better.

I told my dad, Max, that and he rightfully called me out on how bonding is serious and should be done from love and bonding during this time in Thea’s life could do more damage than good. He may be the outwardly stern alpha but he really is sweet deep down. My mom was probably the biggest help during that first year after college and their deaths. We had lived with my parents during that time and she was likely sick of all the men in the house. It was rare but there were a few times growing up that my mom would say something along those lines and then plan a weekend away with my aunts. It was hilarious seeing my dads during that time. They were like lost puppies. Wait. Am I like that with Thea? We really haven’t been apart long especially since we started living together right after graduation. I guess that’s a thought for another time. It’s time I got my omega home.

“Connor?” Thea says tentatively. We’re curled up in her nest for the night, she’s facing me, her head snuggled into my chest, our legs tangled together in the way we both love.

“Yeah, Sweetness?”

“I love you.” She pauses before continuing, “Will you bond me?”

I don’t mean to tense but I do and she feels it immediately and lets out a defeated sigh. “I know, you want to wait until we find the rest of our pack. But what if it’s just us. I don’t want to waitforever for something that may not happen and after today.” She stops as if she can’t discuss the main issue even with me.

I move us enough so I can look at her. “I love you more than anything. I would’ve bonded you our first year of dating if my dads hadn’t talked some sense into me. You’re right. We shouldn’t put something so important on hold for a maybe. But I just know we have more pack members out there.” I laugh. “I actually think we’re gonna end up with a big pack. You deserve all the love in the world and I want you to have it. Bonding at the same time as our future pack will help solidify us as one unit.”

She still looks defeated. I know part of this push is because of what happened today and kind of what my mom said her needing that security. Maybe she needs the security of a bond. We’ve been together nearly eight years at this point, she’s right that we shouldn’t keep holding off. “How about this—if we still don’t find our pack by our anniversary we bond. How does that sound, Sweetness?”

Thea smiles brightly. “That sounds perfect!” Who knows what will happen, but I do feel lighter knowing in a couple months I’ll finally be bonded to my omega. It’s been a struggle whenever she brought it up over the years only for me to keep holding it off. I just didn’t want it to be some kind of obstacle when we find our pack. I wish I found my pack via school and friends growing up or in college like most people but nothing ever felt right. The only deeper connection I’ve ever had is Thea, my omega, my mate. I couldn’t ask for more and I’m going to stop waiting to finalize our bond. Maybe I should plan a trip to make it special. She deserves that.

19

THEA

Iwake with a jolt, my heart racing. I need to calm down before triggering a panic attack. I haven’t been getting much sleep. Nearly every night I’m dreaming of Connor or the stalker. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of Connor’s death. I just need to get through the next forty-eight hours and hopefully some of this will pass.

I wish I had work today, but Rebecca insisted since I switched my schedule to work tomorrow that I have today off. She means well and it’s actually nice to have a boss that cares about their employees having down time and not burning out but I just can’t be idle. The busy days usually mean I sleep better. Maybe if I do a hike today that’ll exhaust me enough to sleep through the night.Getting up and dressed, I look out the window to see it’s still early and the sun is just coming up but that’s enough for me.

The air is crisp and there’s a light fog clinging around the woods as I walk up the trail. It’s an eerie vibe especially after those dreams last night. I shake my head at the thought. That one isalready boxed up tight. At least I remembered to bring the bear spray that ranger gave me. Though I’m sure it’s not a risk now that it’s nearly the middle of November. I finally arrive at one of the checkpoints on the trail, where some benches are scattered around. It’s the same spot I sat before. I don’t feel the need to do more of this trail, sitting here for a while and looking out at the valley is enough. It feels so different out here. Being in that house this morning felt suffocating, but here it feels like I can take a deep breath without worry. Even with everything going on I am so glad I ended up in this place. If I have to run for the rest of my life, at least I was able to see a place like this.

The valley stretches out beneath the mountains bracketing either side. So many of the trees are now bare for winter, except for the pines. Pine. Reminds me of Dr. Sullivan, his intoxicating scent and that feeling of hope that overwhelmed me. The lake the lodge sits on isn’t visible from here. I’m curious to see what it’ll look like iced over and the area covered in snow.Please let me be here to see it.Connor would’ve loved this spot. He was more outdoorsy than me but it’s not like Florida had mountains like this.

“I love you Connor,” I whisper into the air, hoping wherever he is he feels every ounce of my love. A few tears fall down my cheeks but it’s a nearly daily occurrence at this point I don’t pay them any mind and just continue to enjoy the view. I hope his parents are okay during this time. Who am I kidding? Of course they won’t be. Part of me wonders if they hate me for leaving like I did after he died. I miss them all so much. After my parents died, they really helped me through it. Along with Connor, of course. I love them all like my own parents, but I couldn’t risk the stalker going after them too. Who knows if he’d view my relationship with them as a threat like he did with Connor. I almost wish I was braver. Maybe I should just let him find me and then kill the son of a bitch. It’s only fair since he killed Connor. I’m a coward. Running instead of facing this. It’s my fault. If I didn’t catch thispsycho’s eye, none of this would’ve happened. Connor would still be here, and we’d be preparing for my first heat together.

The cold snaps me out of my spiraling. Ugh this is exactly why I need to be busy with something. Wiping my face of the tears, I take one last look at the valley before getting up and heading back down the trail. As I turn around, I’m startled by a man standing about twenty feet away.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! I was doing my rounds and saw you but I didn’t want to disturb you,” he says in a rush. I notice his uniform and take a better look at his face now that I’m not so surprised. It’s that officer I met last time I was here. The one with the scent of books. Jake was his name.

“It’s okay. You just surprised me.”

“I’m sorry, again. Are you alright?” he asks. Does he know I was crying? What is it with the men around here finding me crying lately.

“I’m fine. I was just heading back down.”

“Do you mind if I walk with you?”

After shaking my head no, we begin heading down the trail. “I’m surprised to see anyone here so early, do you normally come out at this time?” he asks.

I laugh a little, especially since I used to be more of a night owl. It took a lot for me to be up early in the morning. Multiple alarms and then Connor being my backup in case I slept through all of them which happened a few times. “No, just had today off and didn’t sleep much; thought some fresh air would help. How about you? Do you always patrol the trails?” I ask, looking up at him.

His wide hat shields the early morning light coming down on us. His eyes are so blue. A deep blue, reminding me of the ocean. They crinkle at the edges with the faintest little crow’s feet starting to develop as he smiles. “No not usually but I saw a car in the lot and we don’t normally have people out on the trails so early and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Understandable, wait— “Am I supposed to check in somewhere before using the trails?”

“Some trails require permits but not this one. Don’t worry you didn’t do anything wrong.” He gently pats my shoulder. His scent washes over me. I don’t know why his scent relaxes me so much, but given how today has been I’ll take it without complaint.