Page 14 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

Maybe it’s fitting I have to deal with a complicated heat. That’s what I deserve, maybe I’ll end up with Connor—stop it, Thea.You’re being dramatic. Connor wouldn’t want that to happen.He was right though. He told me for years that I shouldn’t keep taking suppressants without the required break. It was one of the few things we ever really fought about. There never felt like the right time. First, I presented late and was in college when it became clear I was an omega. I hadn’t met Connor yet so going on suppressants was a no brainer.

By the time the two years were up, we both were finishing school, but that year was one of the worst of my life. My mom had died from a long battle with cancer and my dad followed shortly after my graduation. I think he held on just to see me settled. He knew Connor and his parents would look out for me. But I saw the heartbreak in his eyes every day my mom wasn’t here. Most beta couples don’t bond, but they did. Probably because unless you’re in a pack with other bonds to help you grieve, it’s hard to overcome such a loss on a soul level. I’d sometimes wonder if that was the main reason Connor wanted to wait to bond after seeing what happened with my parents. He always said we should bond together when we meet our pack but that never happened. I don’tknow what would’ve become of me if we had been bonded when he died. Part of me feels cheated, I didn’t experience a bond with him, my alpha. The other part, a small part I don’t like to acknowledge, is grateful I didn’t have the bond and feel the moment he was gone from this world.

The wind picks up and I feel it brush over my now wet cheeks. This is why I can’t let myself think of anything from before. And what do I do? I think of not only Connor but my parents as well. Guess I’m a glutton for punishment today. Resting my head against the steering wheel I let the cold breeze run through me. Maybe it’ll help numb my thoughts as well as my body. I don’t know how long I stay like that. My hands are like ice, my fingers hurting as I stretch them. The only thought that keeps running through my mind is Connor was right and now I have to have a heat with strangers. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone else again. The anger that comes over me is enough to make the chill I feel in bones melt away. I’m angry at how my own body is forcing me to do something I don’t want. I’m angry at myself for taking the suppressants so I wouldn’t miss work and look bad at a job that didn’t give a shit about me. I’m angry at Connor for not being here when I need him, and that son of bitch who killed him. The tears are flowing faster now and my breathing is labored. I’m gonna pass out if I don’t pull myself together but I can’t. I’m spiraling and the way out is blocked by all the mental boxes I’ve kept everything locked away. They’re cracking, letting all those memories and everything in between leak out hitting me in the face.

A crunch of leaves sounds behind me, making me jump. I look and it’s that big alpha who’s working on the cabin. I don’t bother wiping my face, he probably heard my meltdown. Though I am trying to get my breathing under control so as not to embarrass myself further. His expression is one of concern before something else comes over him, though I can’t say what.

“I need help with something.” He reaches out his hand to me.Not a question, just a statement with an open gesture. I have no idea what I could help him with. I am not very handy. It’s a distraction at least. Making my choice, I take his hand. It’s so warm, like a fire to the ice mine are. He leads me over to the cabin, up the porch, and towards one of the railings lining it. I look up at him questioningly but before I can say anything, he takes my hand that he’s still holding and places something in it.

“This entire top rail needs to be sanded,” he says as he takes my hand with whatever he put in it and begins moving it over the wood in slow motions. After a while he stops and runs a finger over the small patch of wood, then places mine there as well so I can feel the difference in texture.

“Compare what you do to that spot.” Then he’s stepping away from me, the chill returning. I look back at him but he’s already busying himself with something else. He really wants me to sand this entire railing?I’m contemplating it, because Iamdone for the day and this is helping the lodge. Taking one last look back at this alpha whose name I still don’t know, I figure this can’t hurt.

I was utterly and completely wrong. I felt like I was sweating from every pore on my body, my arms and hands throbbing from the constant motion. Slightly huffing in frustration at only being a third of the way through the railing. I’m so engrossed in the task I don’t hear him approach, it’s only his oak scent that alerts me. He runs his large hand over the area I’ve been working for who knows how long, a low hum emitting from him as he does.

“This is good. Thank you. You can stop now,” he says casually, like I’m not a sweaty mess from the effort. Looking up at him I don’t see disgust or anything negative. Just an openness that somehow has me feeling too exposed. What the hell do I even say? Instead, I just slowly walk away with a nod to him, but as I reach the steps I look back and find him watching.

“What’s your name?”

“Keelan,” he says with a slight smirk curling at the corner of his mouth. Interesting name.

“Thank you Keelan,” I say and he looks surprised, which Idon’t understand why. This time when I turn to leave, I don’t look back, quickly making my way to the cart that’s still parked in between the two cabins. I don’t understand what happened in the last hour but I feel better. At least a little. My head feels clearer and I’m not caught in that spiral. I guess it was a little therapeutic even if my arms feel like they’re gonna fall off.

14

BEN

It’s been two days since I caught Thea’s scent and I have barely been functioning, trying to figure out what this means. She nearly ran into me the other day while getting supplies and I caught her full scent, no descenter masking it. It suddenly felt like a missing piece clicked inside me and I was whole. It feels so much more significant than being scent compatible, I ended up down a rabbit hole and discovered scent matches. I didn’t know those were even real. But that has to be what this is. I haven’t said anything to my pack. I’m pretty sure Eli has already scented her based on our conversation a couple weeks ago. He’s finally back home after his work trip and I intend to confront him on what he knows. If he’s known this whole time she’s our scent match I’m going to be pissed. Especially after what we’ve all dealt with last year.

I took today off, deciding to stay home and wait for him. Everyone is where they typically are, work, or in Jake’s case, sleeping after a double shift.Suddenly the front door opens to a loud, “Honey, I’m home.” It breaks me out of my thoughts. I hear Eli greeting Duke as I get up and move towards the entryway. Eli doesn’t look tired from his trip, which is surprising since he extended it. He normally hates being gone for big chunks of time.His dark skin is glowing as he smiles at me. “Hey man.” He gives me a one-armed hug. “Surprised to see you here. But a welcome committee of one is better than none, right,” he says jokingly.Duke gives a sharp bark, as if angry he didn’t count as Eli’s welcome committee.

I return his hug but don’t say anything. Instead, I grab his arm and pull him into his home office. Since he travels for our real estate company, he needed an office and didn’t want one at the lodge like me and Micah.His brows scrunch together as I close the door. “How long have you known?”

An ‘aha’ moment seems to happen as he sits back on the edge of his desk. “Since I helped her move in. When did you scent her?”

If I was an alpha I would be growling right now. That was over two weeks ago. “Two days ago,” I bite out, glaring at him. He laughs. This asshole islaughing.

“I’m sorry—” He breaks off, laughing. “Sorry. But you’re mad and you only found out two days ago. Try finding this out and then having to leave town for weeks. I’ve been going a lot crazier than you can imagine, even for me.”

“You should have said something to us.”

He sighs, now looking more serious. “That would’ve been the wrong call and you know that deep down. After last year.” He pauses, taking a breath. “After Amber, I couldn’t drop this on the pack. It has to happen as organically as possible. We can’t force any of this.” I’m shocked by his need for patience, that is not usually his style. Him and Parker are the same in that respect.

“Who else knows?”I ask.

“From what I know, just Liam. She went to see him a couple days ago. All he did was text me and confirm she’s his scent match but nothing else. The stingy bastard.” He mutters the last part under his breath.That’s nearly half the pack. I doubt she’s met Jake or Parker yet. Micah is the one who will be hit the hardest with this news.

“I see the gears turning, don’t overthink this.”

I scoff, “How can I not overthink this? We have a fucking scent match! We should tell everyone at dinner tonight and figure out what to do.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” a voice says from behind me. Parker. What the hell is he doing here. A chagrined look comes across his face as he rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah sorry for eavesdropping, you looked kind of sketchy dragging Eli in here and I was curious.” He shrugs his shoulders. Parker’s office is right across from Eli’s, I should’ve been more careful. Wait—why does he think it isn’t a good idea?

“Parker, have you met Thea?”

A blush ghosts across his face. Holy shit he has.

Eli bursts out laughing, this time in earnest. “See, she’s already met more of the pack than we thought without us even doing anything,” he points out.