Page 41 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

“Ben convinced us to do group therapy. Apparently, he had been going himself for the four months prior. That bitch really did a number on him,” he says with the first hint of a growl throughout this whole conversation. “He also suggested we get back to doing pack dinners at least three to four times a week. We did the therapy together for months and all of us, except Micah, ended up doing some individual sessions as well. We only just stopped the group therapy about five or six months ago.”

“Is that why Micah hates me? Because I remind him of her?”

“No, he has his own reasons outside of what happened last year. He has to tell you them, not me.”

“Thank you for telling me all of that. It’s obvious you guys are close and love each other. The therapy must have helped.”

“It did but there’s some things you can’t take back once said. In the end it’s just another part of our story,” he mumbles, giving me a sense he’s holding on to some guilt of his own.

Is that what Connor will turn into? Another part of my story? I don’t know that I want that. The pain of his loss feels…feels like I’m keeping him alive—with me. Like if I don’t feel the pain, he truly will cease to exist. That doesn’t make any sense. Ben would probably say I need therapy too.

We spend the rest of the time lying there, staring at the stars in silence. I don’t even know what the time is when we finally get back in the car and head home. He had me put the EPIC soundtrack on again so he can properly sing along now that he’slistened to them all. He remembers some of the songs and belts them out any chance he gets. When we get back to my place, we sit there so we can finish the current song, Legendary. One line sticks in my head later that night even as I lie in bed, trying to sleep— ‘I know life and fate are scary, but I wanna be legendary.’

What would legendary look like for me?

33

THEA

This past week goes by in a blur. Ever since my date with Eli this past Sunday, I’ve been thinking a lot about, well, everything. About Connor, about what my future would look like if the stalker wasn’t an issue anymore? Would I go back to Florida? I can’t, maybe it’s the omega in me deep down, but I can’t leave them like that. This small mountain town is their home. The lodge is Ben’s baby. I’d never make them choose. The only thing in Florida for me are Connor’s parents. We can keep doing video calls, which would be a lot easier once we don’t have to use the super secure way Parker made. Then I spiraled and beat myself up for even imagining a future when the stalker could grab me tomorrow and for making plans without Connor here, making that pit in my stomach since he died ache just a little bit more.

It’s Friday and we have pack dinner tonight. Thankfully I have tomorrow off which will be spent drawing and probably listening to EPIC on repeat thanks to Eli sending me all the animations to watch throughout the week. He’s fully obsessed with that musical now. I don’t have the heart to tell him I’ve seen most of the ones he’s sent. I love seeing his excitement. Jake asked if I would stay after dinner for a movie night which sounded good to me. Since that’s the plan I decided to be comfy in some sweatpants and a t-shirt. These guys have already seen me at my worst I’m not all that concerned with dressing up for them every time I see them. It is nice to feel so comfortable around them. I never thought I would feel like that again.

As I walk into the pack house, Parker talks a mile a minute at my side. The table was already set and everyone starts to file in. I guess I got here at the right time. Micah brushes past me, mumbling under his breath, “Thanks for dressing up.” I still caught it and so did Parker based on the way he stiffened at my side. Remembering what Eli told me the other night about how Micah actually hit Parker, that anger rises again. I know he has his “reasons” for not liking me but can’t he be civil? He’s acting like a toddler and picking on the new kid.

“I’d say you’re overdressed for dinner, wouldn’t you agree Parker?” I clap back at Micah. The glare he shoots me over his shoulder has me smiling just a little bit wider.

Parker, not missing a beat, says, “You are most definitely right. This isn’t a board room man, ditch the suit.”

Micah, as usual, is wearing his signature three-piece suit. I’ve wondered why he wears it, especially living here. But it doesn’t hurt anyone and it works for him that’s for sure. No, Thea, you willnotacknowledge how good he looks when he’s being an ass.

Overall dinner ends up being pretty lighthearted, as we all enjoy the food and the company. It almost feels normal, like every day could be like this. I shake that thought out of my head. This can’t be my normal.

Not yet, a small voice in the back of my mind says.

It scares me how much I’ve been feeling about all of them, even the asshole. It’s too quick to feel such big things—ones I can’t even label. I’m not supposed to feel them, not without Connor here. He wanted pack life so badly. It was his dream on top of everything else. It doesn’t feel right that I should live his dream without him.

We all find a spot in the living room, most of us on the sectional, though Liam takes the armchair near the fireplace andopens a book. It’s still technically spending time with everyone but in your own way. Connor and I would do that all the time, him playing video games while I read or drew.

I end up sitting between Keelan and Parker. It’s the first time I’ve been in between the brothers. Their scents together—safe, protective, have my body relaxing deep into the couch and them. Keelan doesn’t seem to like a lot of space between us. I’m not complaining. It’s cute seeing this hulk of an alpha so soft on the inside.

Midway through the movie I run to the bathroom quickly. As I leave to return to the living room I’m ambushed by Micah. He didn’t join us for the movie unsurprisingly. “You need to leave.”

“That’s what I was trying to do there buddy.”

I swear the look he gives me is like he wants to set me on fire, and not in the good way. “I mean leave town. We don’t need an omega. Especially another one just using us.”

The anger that was rising is banked when he says that last bit. He really does think I’m like their ex. I don’t know how she used them other than what Eli told me but it’s clear Micah never dealt with what happened. But I won’t just accept being his punching bag. I can be understanding with a backbone. I hope.

“How am I using you?”

“Really? Like you don’t know. Having Jake and Parker hunt down your stalker to solve that problem for you. Expecting us to help you through your heat like we’re just waiting for any scrap of attention from an omega. Liam is working his ass off round the clock trying to find a medical miracle to make sure you even survive your heat. All of that plus stringing them along, letting them fall for you, when in the end you’ll just run away. It’s what you’re good at, isn’t it?”

The blow lands as he meant it. Understanding is out the window and my backbone is shattered. Anger mixed with grief is running through me. I hate that he’s partially right. Everything but that last line was bullshit, but he really knew how to hit it home. I willnotlet him see me cry, but I need to get out of herebefore I do. Just then Liam comes around the corner, taking in the closeness between Micah and me.

“Everything okay?” He looks between us.

“Yeah, I need to leave. My stomach doesn’t feel so great. Tell the guys I said goodbye,” I say as I nearly sprint out of the hallway and towards the front door. I don’t miss the scoff coming from Micah as I do.