Page 36 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

She doesn’t say anything, just ready to listen. I love her for that. “I apparently found my scent matches.” She gasps in shock but doesn’t say anything as I continue, “There’s seven of them.” Another gasp.

“That’s not the worst of it—my suppressants are failing and my first heat is coming soon. One of the guys is a doctor and he told me because of using the suppressants like I did, my heat will be dangerous and potentially life threatening.” I stop to take abreath, saying all of this out loud is bringing everything I’ve been pushing down to the surface.

“I’m scared not because of the danger. I’m not ready for any of this. Connor should be here and he’s not. How can I be with anyone else? It doesn’t feel right but sometimes it does and I just feel horrible…” I break off as the tears finally let loose.

I look up and see her crying with me. “Oh honey,” she says in that soft way she does that makes me cry harder. “I wish I was there with you so badly. I had a feeling something happened when we saw you with Parker last week.” I straighten a little in my seat, we didn’t really do anything but hold hands which I don’t think they could even see that.

My confusion must be written on my face as she says, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m glad someone is looking out for you. Though finding out it’s seven someones is a little bit of a shock. Even so, I can’t wait to meet them.”

My brows pinch together, I don’t understand how she’s excited about this. She should be upset. “Why aren’t you mad?”

Now she’s the one looking confused before her expression shifts to sympathy. I hate it so much. “Connor is gone and I miss him every minute of every day knowing he’s not in this world. Something that brings me comfort is knowing he was able to experience real love and being loved. He brought you into our family and for better or worse, you’re stuck with us as your bonus parents. So yes, I’m happy to know you have a second chance at love. Did you think we wouldn’t want that for you?”

“Well, yeah…it’s not fair. I shouldn’t have scent matches.” I pause before adding, “I don’t want scent matches.”

“Thea Fera, don’t you dare say such a thing. It’s a blessing. Do you know how rare it is?” She scrutinizes me before asking, “You do know you and Connor were scent matched, right?”

I was planning to ask her but she confirmed it. “I didn’t until…” I look to the empty chair pushed against the wall where Parker would’ve sat here with me. “…I met this pack. It got me thinking about how Connor’s scent was and made me feel.”

She lets out a sigh. “I’m so sorry honey. I thought you knew this whole time.”

“Did Connor know?”

“Yes.”

My tears, which had stopped, start again. I feel so stupid, like I was the worst omega to not know this. After a couple minutes she says, “Connor wouldn’t want you to be miserable the rest of your life.”

I want to roll my eyes, I know that. “It just doesn’t feel right to…to be anything without him here.”

“I know honey. Trust me, I know. We can’t stop living though. It took me months to come to understand that.” She laughs hollowly. “Honestly I still have days where I don’t understand it at all and just want to rage about it just like you. But my pack—” She breaks off, taking a shuddering breath. “I wouldn’t have made it through this without them, all while they are grieving the same as me. I was so worried about your safety this past year I didn’t think about how you were out there dealing with this alone.”

“I guess that’s the thing I haven’t been dealing with it. I pushed it down into a locked box that wouldn’t ever see the light. It wasn’t until I got here and met them and then the anniversary—everything has just felt so much,toomuch. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode with it.”

“That’s grief,” she says plainly and I swear it’s like something cracks open in me and I’m full-on hyperventilating as I cry. Distantly I hear her murmur, “Let it out honey, I’m right here.”Even though she isn’t here in person it feels like she is. How much I missed them was also one of the things I pushed down in order to stay sane this past year.

I don’t know how long I’m like that for but by the end I feel exhaustion down to my very soul. My breathing has returned to semi-normal. My eyes drift back to the screen and Sophie is still there. I want to hug her so badly.

“Better?”

I scoff lightly. “I don’t know, not really.”

She nods like that makes sense.“You should go find one of your pack. Their scent will help.”

“They’re not my pack. We’re technically courting but it’s more just getting to know each other in case I need their help with my heat. I told them I’m not looking for a relationship.”

She shakes her head. “I’m not going to argue that point with you, you’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“Is it part of the mother handbook to say cryptic things?”

She laughs genuinely and smiles. “Of course.”

“Now before we go for tonight, I want to know why your heat may be life threatening.” She switches up so quickly and puts on a stern face.I really don’t have the energy for this but I quickly give her the rundown of what’s going on with that. By the end she’s looking more concerned than earlier.

“Liam is researching to find a way to help and he thinks if I go through it with some of my scent matches it’ll help.”

“That’s good,” she sighs, “you really know how to make us worry.” She says it half seriously; it just adds to the guilt I always feel anyways.

Giving her a watery smile, we say goodbye with promises to talk soon. When the screen goes black, the last of my energy is zapped. Deciding before I go find Parker, I’m going to curl up on his oversized chair for a little bit. It’s so plush, and sinking into it makes me long for a nest. What Sophie said is replaying in my head and I thought I was done crying but somehow there’s more. I’m just going to let it out for a few minutes…then I’ll find the guys.