Page 52 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

It’s been two hours of Connor and Max in the boxing ring at the gym. Connor doesn’t appear fatigued at all. Mateo came by an hour into this and has been keeping me company while Connor works out the rage. We’ve been playing gin rummy to pass the time. All the while I keep checking on Connor. Mateo is an alpha but he’s always had the calming presence of a beta to me. Maybe that’s because of how he helped me after my dad died. Out of the four of them he helped me the most. He notices my line of sight and says, “Don’t worry, they’re almost done.” I don’t understand how he can tell, maybe it’s an alpha thing.

“Has he ever dealt with an alpha rage before?” I ask, knowing in the time I’ve been with Connor he hasn’t.

“No, but Max has. That’s how he knew to bring him here and work it out of his system.”

“It’s my fault. I should’ve just thrown the package away along with the letter. If I didn’t catch this psycho’s attention none of thiswould be happening,” I mumble softly, looking down at the cards in my hand.

Mateo reaches over to hold my hand, getting my attention. “Nothing about this is in anyway your fault or Connor’s. The person to blame is the one writing these letters. We’re all worried for you, but don’t think for one second anyone blames you,” he says intently.

Not knowing what to say, I just nod in response. Just then the sound from the ring quiets. Glancing over I see Connor striding over to me and picking me up in the tightest hug, as if he let go, I’d disappear. “I’m so sorry.” His voice shakes. It nearly breaks me hearing him like that. That anger comes creeping back up. What this asshole is doing to us. It’s not fair.

It’s just us here by the ring. I don’t know where Max and Mateo went. Pulling back to look at Connor, my eyes trail over the silent tears running down his face. I can feel my own wanting to fall. My alpha, my rock through everything, is crying. He lets out a breath as if he’s been holding it in as he rushes out, “I’m failing you. I don’t know how to protect you and end this for good. He’s winning. Every letter we get, it’s like he digs the knife that much deeper. I can’t lose you.”

“He’s not winning. We’re still here together, fighting together. You’re mine and I’m yours, nothing will change that. Nothing,” I say as he rests his forehead against mine. “I love you more than anything, Connor. He doesn’t get to take that from us. He doesn’t get to win. Deal?”

“Deal,” he answers with a tender kiss we both need after today. I believe what I said but I also don’t know how we end this. The light at the end of the tunnel seems nonexistent right now. We’ll get through this though, somehow.

41

THEA

Ijerk awake, clutching at my chest. My heart feels like it’s racing right out of me. Gods, it feels like a furnace. I’m trapped between these two giant alphas, both sleeping and snoring away. Well, Parker is the snorer out of the two of them. Ever since I bonded with Parker, the three of us have been sharing Keelan’s bed since it was big enough. We tried alternating that first night with me staying in Parker’s room alone but Keelan was on edge the entire time. I could feel his anxiety and stress through the bond. He didn’t come disturb us; he wouldn’t intrude but I couldn’t let him suffer like that. Most packs have a pack bedroom usually big enough for everyone so I figured they would’ve expected to share that space at some point with their omega. I was still nervous asking if they’d be okay if the three of us slept in the same bed. It was a first for me. They had no problem with it which I was relieved. Guess my theory was right. I don’t know if this pack has a pack bedroom or even a nest space, I should probably ask about that.

My heart is still going a mile a minute and the lingering anxiety from my dream, well more memory, is making me restless. Slowly scooting out of bed so as not to wake them, I make my way downstairs for some water, which seems to help. Seeing asmall light on out on the enclosed deck, I walk towards the door, seeing Eli at his telescope, Duke lying near his feet. He has one of the windows open. He must be freezing. Quickly going to the living room, I grab a throw blanket and step out onto the deck. The floor is a bit cold, but nothing I can’t handle.The door makes a louder noise than I anticipated as I close it, causing Eli to turn around startled. “Holy shit Thea, you scared me,” he says, a little breathless. Even Duke raised his sleepy head from where it was resting.

I shrug my shoulders. “Sorry?” Opening up the blanket and holding it out for him, I say, “Here, you have to be freezing.” He looks at me then the blanket and back at me. I give the blanket a little shake so he’ll take it. Nothing. Rolling my eyes, I mumble under my breath, “Stubborn alphas.” I walk up to him and reach up, placing it on his shoulders. When I step back he’s looking at me funny. “What? You have a window open, it’s freezing out.” As if it’s obvious, which it is.

He shakes his head and a small laugh escapes him. “You continue to surprise me.”

“Well that’s a good thing right? Wouldn’t want you to get bored of me,” I say with a teasing smirk.

Pulling the blanket off his shoulders, he then wraps it around me, I huff as he does. I made the worst first impression on this pack, they seem to think I’m breakable. Meeting someone at rock bottom or close to it seems to skew their view of me. Or maybe it’s the whole omega thing. I never got that vibe from Connor; sure, he liked to take care of me in different ways but it never felt like it was because he thought less of me or my capability. He just enjoyed doing those things. I guess that could be what they’re doing too. Ugh, I am not mentally prepared for all of this tonight. Connor, if you’re haunting me I just know you’re laughing at my inept social skills or should I say courting skills.

“Here you want to see what I’m looking at?” he asks after bundling me up to his satisfaction.

“Really?”

He doesn’t respond, just pulls me closer to him. He’s slightly behind me now that we’re in front of the telescope. Looking down into it, my breath is taken away by how clear the stars look. “See those three stars almost in a line together? If you follow it over it’s actually the Orion Constellation. It’s a little tilted this time of year but no less clear thanks to our remote area.”

Looking over my shoulder at him, I whisper, “You really love this, huh?”

He looks away, is he being bashful? “Yeah, tonight the weather conditions were good enough that we’d get decent visibility. Plus I needed a little escape.” There that word is again, escape. Usually when I need an escape and end up reading or drawing is because something else is stressing me out.

“Why did you need an escape?”

He looks away but this time it’s clear it’s not bashfulness. It’s because of me. I step out of our slight embrace and away from the telescope. “I’m sorry.”

Confused, he asks, “Why are you apologizing?”

“I’m the one stressing you out that you needed an outlet,” I say as another realization hits me, “and now I’ve interrupted you during said outlet. I’m gonna go.” I only make a half turn before he’s grabbing my arm, lightly, to stop me.

Still holding me, he reaches over and shuts the window, cutting off the chill filtering in. Then, leading us to the small outdoor sofa, we sit. I need to calm down. Can my anxiety travel down the bonds and wake the guys? There really should be a bonding handbook or something.

“Listen, it’s not you per se. I’m worried about you—the heat, the stalker, the bonding. It’s not a bad thing to be worried over those you care about.” His eyes feel like they’re boring into me.

Of course I understand that. I think back on what Keelan said the day we bonded. I don’t need to be perfect, none of them want that. I can’t help but feel like a hassle anyways. I never felt like this with Connor, but I never felt so broken back then. “I know, but I still don’t like that I add stress to your life or any of the guys’lives. I wish I didn’t have so much baggage. Not just for your sake, my own too. It’s exhausting.” He pulls me close so I’m resting my head on his shoulder, his scent washing over me even more now.

“We all have baggage. We’re all thirty or older, if we didn’t have some form of baggage by this point then we probably lived pretty sheltered lives.”