Page 20 of Rugged Hearts: Part One

We walk the rest of the way in relative silence but it’s not bad. For some reason it’s comfortable to just exist without filling the silence with conversation. Kind of like how it is with Keelan, but different. With Keelan I get the impression he isn’t a big talker, which is fine. With Jake it’s more so we could both talk and fill it but we’re both comfortable and at ease in each other’s company, at least that’s how I feel.

As we approach the trail head I’m almost sad that our interaction is coming to an end. Going back to an empty house sounds awful right now. I turn towards Jake to say goodbye and find him already looking at me. A blush creeps over my cheeks.

“Thea, if you ever need anything please let me know,” he says intently, handing me a card with his number on it. It’s like he sees right through me and itdoesunsettle me. Only Connor knew me so well and my tells. I don’t know how to feel about someone else noticing things like that.

Looking at him and his intense eyes I nod as I say, “Thank you.” I don’t have it in me today to try and play it off like I won’t need help. My energy for a pleasant “all good” mask is zero. Walking to my car I can’t help but look back at him, finding him watching me go. I’m not sure how to feel about him. Overall after this morning and being around him I do feel more relaxed, even with a tiny bit of unsettled feelings about it all.Ugh, Thea just be glad you feel better.I never used to be so mistrustful of my own feelings and reactions. Just another thing this stalker has taken from me. Nope, not going down that road especially with what tomorrow is.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of this day without spiraling again. Maybe I can find a good book to read todistract me. That actually sounds good, maybe I’ll cuddle up with that nest blanket I bought. I’ve been resisting nesting the last couple weeks, that’s probably contributing to my shitty sleep too. Just get through today and tomorrow, once the anniversary is over it’ll be easier to push everything down again. It has to be.

20

KEELAN

My fingers are tracing over the heart-shaped carving Thea gave me for the thousandth time. It’s been over a week since that day. I haven’t seen her since she gave it to me, I hope she is doing better. My instincts always go crazy when I see her so upset. All I want to do is fix whatever is making her sad. I have a feeling it’s more complicated than anything I or anyone could fix. Maybe it’s because almost every interaction I’ve had with her has been a more vulnerable moment but it’s clear she’s dealing with something traumatic. My work has always provided me an escape, so I hoped if I gave her a small task that might help her in a similar way. After that first time it was clear it did. It soothed something in me to help her even a little bit. I didn’t know what she would carve, so I figured something basic would do. I was surprised it was a heart, a rough-looking one but still a heart. And she gave it to me. I don’t know why it touched me so much but I did as she suggested and stained it so the color is close to an amber brown. I don’t know why she suggested that color. Looking at it and all its rough edges and cuts, I can’t help but smile.

I’m back at the cabin doing some work, hoping I’ll see her today. I should just ask Ben when she’s working but that feels toocalculated. I’m okay with running into her by chance. Plus, when she eventually finds out about us being scent matches, I don’t want her to think I manipulated her or the situation. As I’m sketching a design on a railing, I hear her cart pull into her usual spot between the two cabins. I typically give her ten minutes or so since it seems this spot is also special for her. I hope she isn’t crying today. I try not to watch the clock but as soon as it’s ten minutes, I’m walking around the cabin and towards her cart. I can already hear her crying. It sounds bad this time.

Letting out a sigh, I approach her side of the cart but before I can say anything she says, “Not today Keelan.” She doesn’t look at me and her tone is one that expects no argument. Whatever she’s upset about today is the worst it’s been.

“It’ll help come on.” I reach my hand out. She turns her head from where it’s resting against the steering wheel and gives me a hard look. Not a glare but not happy that’s for sure.

“I said no, leave me alone.”

Okay. Well, I’ve been told. If it were anyone else, I’d respect that but something is screaming inside me that’s not what she needs and shouldn’t be left alone. Is this going to be our first fight? I hope she doesn’t hate me for pushing. I open the door and reach my hand out, hoping she’ll take it. “I don’t know what’s going on but doing something to take your mind off of it will help. Or if you want, I’m here and will listen if you want to talk about it.”

She scoffs and glares at me as she gets out, completely bypassing me. Just as I think she’s agreeing with me and heading to the cabin, she starts walking the opposite direction. Towards the back of the cabin and the woods.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you, I want to be alone,” she says as she’s stomping away, tears still falling from her eyes. Maybe getting her angry at me will distract her from whatever is causing her pain. I can take it.

“I’m just going to follow you. You shouldn’t go walking inwoods you don’t know alone, especially when you’re upset,” I yell as she puts more distance between us, now fully within the woods surrounding the lodge.Please don’t have her start running.“If you talk about it, it might help.”

Thea stops short and I stumble to not run into her as I was finally catching up to her. “Talk about it?” She lets out a humorless laugh. “Talk about how it’s been a year today. One whole year since he died. He’s gone and it’s my fault. Saying that out loud does not help me in the slightest. Nothing will bring him back. I have to be here without the only man, the only alpha I’ve ever loved. You have no idea what that feels like and knowing it’s only been one year but feels like twenty without him. Is this what you want, me falling apart even more. That’s what happens when I think or talk about him.” She pauses, breathing heavy as her tears are coming faster. Her knees buckle and she’s falling to the ground. I’m not quick enough to catch her. She lands hard on her knees, barely noticing as she lets out a pained scream. And it’s not from the fall.

My heart is breaking seeing her in so much pain. I suspected it was something deeper but I didn’t think she lost a mate. Kneeling next to her I tentatively put my arm around her, rubbing circles on her back, trying to soothe her in some small way. She’s right. Nothing I say will help in this moment. I shouldn’t have pushed her, but I won’t abandon her to her grief.

She doesn’t acknowledge me being so close to her, she’s stuck in her head muttering things under her breath. I shuffle closer to her, shifting so I’m sitting fully on the ground. “Connor…I need you…I’m sorry,” she says in between her big nearly hyperventilating breathes. Maybe my scent will help calm her down. That or set her off again. I pull her into my chest, hugging her to me, running my hand up and down her back. Her hands fist in my shirt and she takes a shuddering breath, which seems to help steady her. We stay like that for a long time, she doesn’t stop crying but at least she isn’t hyperventilating any more. She cries until she passes out from exhaustion. My poor omega. This isn’t something I or anyone else can fix but I won’t let her push us away in her grief. She needs support. I don’t know what she meant by it being her fault, but I doubt that.

Running my arm under her knees and bracing her back, I lift her up and begin heading to my truck. I’m not going to have her stay out here in the cold, since who knows how long she’ll be out. Securing her in the passenger seat, I get in and start heading to the pack house. It’s a five-minute drive. Everyone needs to be home when she wakes up. We have to deal with this as a pack. No more waiting.

I call Parker, who doesn’t pick up on the first call. It takes two more tries before he answers, “What Keelan? I’m in the middle?—”

“Shut up. Call everyone and tell them to come home now. I’m bringing Thea to the house. Something happened.”

“What?! Is she okay?”

“She’s asleep right now, physically she’s fine. I’ll fill everyone in when we get home. Please call them all right now.” He doesn’t respond, I just hear the click of him hanging up on me; likely rushing to do as I said.

One by one most of the pack burst into the pack house. Jake was actually the first one to get here which was surprising. Followed by shortly are Eli and then Liam. Ben and Micah took the longest, which I figured since I don’t think Micah has scented her and would be asking a lot of questions.

We’re all gathered in the living room, while Thea is laid out on the sectional. Parker is sitting on the arm of it near her head, running his fingers through her hair. He looked so panicked when I got home.

“Are you going to tell us why we had to rush home?” Micah says gruffly from his position near the doorway. It’s like he wants to be as far away from her as possible.

I quickly fill them in on what happened today and what shesaid. It’s silent for a while as everyone takes it in. Suddenly Parker gets up and leaves for a few minutes and returns with his laptop. He sits on the floor in front of where she’s lying on the couch and turns on his laptop.

“Connor Lambert, twenty-nine years old. He is survived by his omega partner of eight years, Thea Fera, and parents—Sophie, Max, James, and Mateo.” He pauses before saying, “They were together for so long.”