Page 72 of Never To Suffer (The Hollywoodland #4)

SAVE ME

NOAH KAHAN

The air in the apartment smells like melted butter and sugar because I’ve been baking non-stop today.

Skylar brought Baggy home the other day, and she’s been at my feet, pawing for scraps.

Xander comes home today, and, to keep from pacing, I’ve been baking since six this morning.

I’m so deep in my own head, I don’t hear him come in until he drops his bags on the floor by the couch.

“Hey Xan!” I yell out, giving the batter one last stir.

“Welcome home, baby. What do you think, chocolate or—” The words stick to my throat like molasses when I turn to see him.

His face is a mess of blood, bruises, swelling, and tears.

The bowl clatters to the ground, and I make it to him just as he collapses into my arms.

“Baby?” I wipe his matted hair from his face, slick with blood. “Who did this? What happened?”

I’m torn between calling Dani or dragging him to the hospital, unsure of which to do first. I get him back up and over to the couch to lean on while I turn the oven off.

He’s in bad enough shape. He doesn’t need me burning the building down around us while I take care of him.

When I turn around, he’s stumbling into the bedroom and slamming the door.

Whether he wants it or not, I’m getting in there and helping him.

I grab a few towels and a handful of bandages, making a mental note to buy a better first aid kit for the apartments since I’m pretty sure theirs has nothing but tiny bottles of booze.

I don’t barge in, even though that’s exactly what I want to do.

I force away the image of me charging to his rescue like we’re in some kind of movie.

Scooping him up and professing our love for each other as I tend his wounds.

I’m glad he didn’t lock the door, but the relief that offers doesn’t last long. The blood drips from his face, hitting the white porcelain of the sink and splattering to its edges as he stands there, watching it.

“Can you talk to me, or do you need me to patch you up and go away?”

Silence has never been so heavy, broken only by the faint outside noises and another drop of blood. There’s a chance he’s in shock, that he hasn’t heard a word I’ve said. He’s shaking, but hell, who wouldn’t be?

“He followed me. He works there, or, pretended to,” Xander whispers in a hoarse voice.

“Who? Work where?” I move closer, taking his hand first and inspecting the cuts and bruises there. The kid put up a fight, that’s obvious. “Baby, tell me what happened?”

“I got hired by that security company. Computer stuff. I wanted to show Dani I could do it. I just wanted her to be proud of me, Theo. I wanted all of them to see I can handle myself.” He stops, a painful sob racking his entire body, causing him to double over, grabbing his ribs.

“Take it easy, baby,” I whisper, helping him stand up straight again.

“I started a few days ago. It’s why I didn’t want to come home yet.

I wanted to give Dani my first paycheck and show her I can be there for her.

Prove I can help, and she doesn’t need to do this all alone.

He found me, though. He had these guys. I don’t know where they came from.

I never saw them until they were on top of me. ”

“Take your time,” I keep the panic out of my voice, rubbing his back in slow circles. I need to see his face to get a better understanding of how much damage they did. “Xander, let me see?—”

The sharp inhale I can’t hold back makes his shoulders slump.

Through his eyebrow and too close to his eye, I find the deepest cut.

His eye has swollen shut in response, and the other eye doesn’t appear much better.

Three more cuts seep blood, so I staunch those first. Whoever did this broke his nose based on the caked blood under his nostrils.

They also split his lip in two places, and that’s what I can make out through the carnage.

“We should take you to the hospital, Xander. You need to file a police report,” there’s a crack in the last word, threatening to give away the icy panic racing through my bloodstream. But he shakes his head.

“I can’t. I can’t call them. What am I gonna tell them? Some posh prick followed me from Japan and hired a gang to come after me? Dani told me not to work there. I stayed behind a computer all day. How could that be dangerous?”

“You have to tell someone.”

“What? Tell them the scrawny faggot didn’t belong there and got what was coming to him? That’s what they said, Theo. They knock me down and screamed it in my face as they hit me. He stood over me, laughing. Telling them how much I… how much I liked…”

“Who, baby? Who was it?”

“Oliver. He…he asked if I…if I missed how he… I’m gonna be sick.”

He makes it to the toilet in time, and I wet the bloody rag in my hand, holding it against him gently.

When he’s done, I help him move over to lean against the wall while I run water in the tub.

Kneeling in front of him, I dab at the drying blood.

The realization of what he can’t say hits me, knocking the wind out of me and sending my stomach to the floor.

Oliver. He kidnapped, blackmailed, and raped Xander in Japan. He’s here.

“Xander, I need you to look at me, and don’t lie. I won’t be mad, neither will Dani or Skylar, but you need to tell me the truth. It’s not your fault, baby. Okay?” His bottom lip quivers, he knows what I’m about to ask him. “Xander, did they?—”

“Don’t. Please don’t ask,” he sobs, reaching out for me. I pull him to me, holding him and rocking him in my arms as he continues to shake. “Why am I like this, Theo? Why am I like this?”

“It isn’t your fault, Baby. It wasn’t your fault before, and it isn’t now.”

“It is! I’m so stupid! Why can’t I stop fucking up? Why can’t I just be normal for once?”

I lean back and cup his face, staring into his one open eye. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Xander. There’s something wrong with them. The people who did this to you. There’s something very wrong with Oliver, and we should call the police.”

“If I wasn’t a queer piece of shit, it wouldn’t have happened.” He slumps against me, his body shaking as he sobs. “The cops don’t care. They’ll think I’m a worthless whore.”

“No, baby. You’re so much more than that.

You’re brilliant and beautiful, Xander. You’re carving out your own life out of this hate-fueled world, taking the harder path, and you are so brave for that.

So damn brave. You’re loved and you’re so much better than those pieces of shit could ever hope to be.

And the people that matter love you for who you are.

We love all of you. Do you understand? Dani, Skylar… me. We love you exactly how you are.”

It’s not how I’d planned to tell him I loved him, but sometimes life likes to throw wrenches at your boyfriend’s face and you end up pouring your heart out to him on a bloody bathroom floor. I do love him.

“You shouldn’t. None of you should.”

“We do, and we’re not going anywhere, Xander.” I take a deep breath. We need to rip this bandaid off now. “Xander, I need you to tell me if they…I can’t let you take a shower if they?—”

“It doesn’t matter. I won’t call the cops.” He lifts his head and tries to keep his eye open long enough to meet mine before sliding closed again. I need to keep him awake, at least for now.

“I gotta know, Xander. I promise I’ll take care of you no matter what.”

“They…they tried. They pulled down my…they were going to. But some guy and his dog came by. He scared them off, so I ran. Like a coward.”

“You ran for your life, Xander, that’s not cowardice. That’s brains.” I kiss his forehead, tasting the iron immediately. “Okay. Let’s get you off the floor and into the tub. Can you stand?”

It takes three tries to get him off the floor and I have him sit on the toilet as I undress him.

Each article I remove boils my blood a little hotter.

More bruises, more cuts, more blood. My guess is at least two broken ribs to go with his nose.

It’s likely he’ll need stitches in some places, but for now, I bandage them as best as I can.

“Jesus,” I say under my breath as I peel his shirt off. “Baby, you need to see a doctor. You could have internal bleeding.”

“No, we can’t afford it.”

“I’ll pay. You have to go, Xander!” My rage gets the better of me for a moment.

“Fine. I’m calling in a favor, and if she says you need to go to the hospital, you’re going to the damn hospital.

Do you understand? I don’t care how much it costs.

You’re going. I’ll bill your damn parents.

Now let’s get you in the tub.” I toss his clothes into the sink as he stands and stumbles, but I catch him, holding him to me again.

“I’m not mad at you. I promise, okay? I’m scared, that’s all. ”

“Did…did you mean what you said earlier?”

“I did. I absolutely did. I love you, Xander. I didn’t think I could love like that again, but you’ve shown me how wrong I was.

You’ve been nothing short of a beacon guiding me through my self-imposed darkness, and I don’t want to lose you, Xander.

” He grunts as he brings his hands up and tries to hug me back. I press my lips to his forehead.

“Cool,” he tries to laugh. He’s deflecting, but right now it’s a safety measure he needs to use like a crutch. “I worried I was too much of a weirdo for you.”

“Never, baby. I love you, you strange little nerdy fuck. I love you so damn much.”

“I—I love you, too, Theo.”

I clean the last of the batter from the floor, shooing Baggy away from the kitchen. My bones are sore, that’s how tired I am. But one thought keeps me pushing through, keeps me from curling onto the couch and passing out for the next forty-eight hours or so. Dani will blame herself for this.

As if I summoned her from the hallway, the door to their apartment opens and I rush through to catch her before she comes in.