Page 27 of Never To Suffer (The Hollywoodland #4)

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Yes. Please?”

He turns me around and cups my face, running his thumbs across my cheeks while his nose brushes against mine.

He doesn’t shove his tongue down my throat, but takes his time tasting my lips, teasing my mouth open, and finally kissing me without a trace of regret or disgust. Everything slows down—my heart, my breathing, and even my mind.

When I open my eyes, he presses his forehead to mine.

He stops me when I lower myself, but I shake him off and drop to my knees. Glancing up, he caresses my cheek again as I pull down his pants and boxers, but this time, when I take him into my mouth, he unleashes a moan so loud I’m sure the old lady down the hall will complain about it later.

“Oh, goddamn it.” I lift my eyes, watching him grip the edges of the sink with both hands and close his eyes. I try a hum, and he moans even louder, showering me with more praise. “Atta boy, keep doing that. You’re a work of art, fucking beautiful.” he whispers.

I still flinch when he touches me. Each time I do, he gives me more praise and louder moans. My fingers dig into his legs as his hips rock in an unsteady rhythm. He’s not tapping out, not pushing away, not angry there’s a man on his knees for him. If anything, he’s begging for more.

“That’s it, nice and deep for me, baby. You feel so fucking good.”

There’s a wet pop when I release him, and he reaches down, dragging a thumb across my chin to wipe the spit away.

“Fucking. Beautiful.”

“Cum in my mouth, Theo. Please?” I manage to say between gasps for air. “Let me choke on that big cock of yours.”

“You say that to all your neighbors?”

“Only the incredibly hot ones who help me move couches.” Even my laugh shakes. I can’t remember the last time I sucked off a guy and could laugh at myself, could feel enjoyment from it. I’m not doing jumping jacks or anything, but it’s…nice.

I open my mouth wide and stick out my tongue, begging for him.

I crave the high his praise gives me. He takes hold of the sides of my head and slides in.

When he speeds up, I gag, but I don’t stop, holding his hand in my hair to signal that I’m okay while my other hand cups his balls, rolling them in my fingers.

“Oh, fuck. Oh fuck, Xander. Keep it up, baby. Don’t stop.”

When the telltale signs that he’s about to cum start, I hum, vibrating against him. He grabs the edges of the counter and empties down my throat with a roar. When he’s got nothing left, he collapses to the floor next to me with a laugh and a sigh.

“Shit, kid. I need a cigarette after that.” He reaches over and ruffles my hair. I still have no clue how I’m supposed to react when he puts an arm around me. “And you, my friend, need therapy. I’ve got some people I could recommend.”

Grabbing a box not far from us, I dig through it and pull out a joint and offer it to him along with a lighter. “Or you can take me on as a patient for a hefty Los Angeles rate and keep letting me suck your cock.”

The flames dance across his face before he takes a long drag and shakes his head.

“Nope.” He blows out, ending the exhale in an impressive smoke ring.

“I have a strict policy against taking on new patients when I’d much rather take them out for nice dinners that end in lazy morning sex and breakfast in bed. Also, it’s not exactly ethical.”

My heart skips and my stomach jumps. Dinners? Staying overnight? I expected to be tossed back out into the hall when we were done, not hit on. Granted, I still ended up on the floor after, but this time, I like it.

He takes another drag and closes his eyes. Grabbing the back of my neck he pulls me in, our tongues tangling and teeth clash together through the smoke as I climb on top of him.

“Come on. We can mess around some more in the shower.”

“Xander, we should?—”

“Stop worrying about your groceries or my girlfriend?” I take his hand and guide it down my chest to my cock, still begging to be set free.

“Actually, I wanted to suggest we go to my place. Where I have actual furniture to defile you on.”

“Oh, well, in that case, fuck me, Daddy.”

“Only if you promise to never call me that again.”

“Deal!”

He takes my hand before I can get up, sliding his fingers over the skin on my wrist below my thumb. It sends goosebumps up my arm. “Xander, one more thing. I need you to tell me you deserve better.”

I scoff and glance away, but he doesn’t let go.

I listen to my heartbeat, slowing back to its steady pace while I stare at the ceiling as he continues rubbing my wrist. Everything changes, that’s what Dani always told me.

Nothing stays the same unless you stay the same, and man, we have changed so much over the last few months.

We fight less, we stick up for each other more, we moved into a worse situation, but now we’ve moved onto something better instead of breaking up.

Dani has her dreams right at the tips of her fingers, why can’t I?

“Say it out loud.”

“I deserve…better.” When he tucks his finger under my chin, my eyes drag down his arms and up his face, hesitating to meet his glare. I fight the fear and lock eyes with him.

“Say it out loud, and mean it, Xander. Believe it.”

“I don’t know if—Shit, Theo. How do you even know what I deserve?” I push myself up and sit against the counter again. “You’ve known me for a couple of hours.”

“You care so much about your girlfriend, you tried to move a giant couch into the apartment for her. Alone. You slept on the floor with her in a sleeping bag the night before she left for a trip. The minute she left, you went into a tailspin.”

“The hell with this. I don’t need any of this.”

“Whoever told you that this whole game you play of tough guy until you get your ass beat was a good idea, lied. I’m even going to guess you come from money, because this trauma screams boarding school. Also, mommy and or daddy didn’t love you enough.”

“They were fine, they—” I can’t finish the sentence because he’s hugging me to his chest.

“You deserve better than fine , Xander.” He whispers it against my ear, rocking me back and forth on the floor of the kitchen like a child.

I don’t need to be treated like a child, and if this is some weird kink he’s into, I’m out. I try to twist out of his hold, but I can’t, I’m stuck there.

“You deserve better,” he repeats, but slower this time. “When was the last time someone held you, Xander? Told you they’d keep you safe? They’d keep you warm and protect you?” He stresses each word, ensuring I understand. Giving me no alternative but to search for the answer to his question.

Dani. The only one who ever cared about me, the only person who ever fought for me. But even she’s never said it out loud. The switch he’s been aiming for the whole time clicks.

The struggle stops, and my whole body goes limp. I don’t have more tears to give this, not right now, so instead I shake in his arms. Rage, sadness, loneliness, all of it comes together when I can’t answer him.