Page 11 of Never To Suffer (The Hollywoodland #4)
“Lexifer, I love you. Like I really, really love you and I would totally die for you so long as I go out in a dramatic and newsworthy fashion so people can say weird shit like I lit up a room. But maybe not weird enough for a whole documentary about how I was unalived by a serial psycho?” It’s my worst nightmare and even told my mother to never say I lit up a room.
“But like, your place? Astronomically outside of my price range. Seriously can’t afford that.
Even if we still had Megan’s income. But I still love you. ”
Laurie slides a napkin with scribbles over to me like it contains government secrets or some shit.
“Yeah, this is exactly the thing we need to get the crown jewels out of the—I don’t know what this is.”
“I worked out the math while you were shoving ketchup in your pockets like a foraging squirrel,” Laurie answers, pointing to my pockets.
“Squirrels don’t have pockets! I mean, they should. Oh, I should make little squirrel jackets with nut pockets. Not like, nuts , but like, you know, nuts . I’d probably go viral.”
“Yeah, for clothing the squirrels of LA instead of the homeless people,” Lexi replies, biting on the end of her straw.
“Fair. They always focus on the negative side of LA and not the cute, fun, squirrels with pockets side of life. Bastard internet trolls.”
“Ladies, focus,” Laurie taps her nails on the table again until we’re both glaring at her in our best paying-attention faces. “Close enough. You’d pay the building fees, plus the utilities. You can absolutely afford that, can’t you?”
I stare at the number for a second before shifting my glare to Lexi, scrunching my face up. “Girl, you totally paid more for this place. Please don’t do some weird bullshit behind my back, like I won’t notice the handout for your poor friend.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you have an unhealthy relationship with the entire rich vs poor dynamic that involves a ton of projecting? Oh wait. I have.” Lexi points at the number on the bottom of the napkin.
“Think of it like HOA fees. I’m still the landlord or whatever, so if anything breaks, I got you.
Otherwise, this isn’t a handout. In fact, you’d be doing me a huge solid because if I have to deal with one more short-term rental fucker, I’m going to murder them and you’ll have to help me bury the body, so you become an accessory.
I didn’t buy the place; I had it gifted to me.
Remember?” She throws air quotes up around the word gifted.
The courts more or less forced Lexi’s mother to hand it over to her in a settlement.
“You’re serious?” Nowhere in Los Angeles will come with a price tag as low as the number on the napkin. Hell, it’s cheaper than anything you’d find almost anywhere without it being a total dump like we already have.
“I’ll get the agreement together and email it to both of you, along with the necessary paperwork to get you out of your shitty lease.
” Laurie pulls out her phone and fires off a slew of emails and texts while I sit there, staring at a stupid napkin that could change everything for Xander and I.
The concerts, a new apartment, a fresh start.
“I have one super important question, Lexi. Does your pastry-baking neighbor still live next door?”
“My former shrink? Dr. Clay? Yeah, I’m sure he does. I haven’t seen him in a while, but you could ask Coop. He still sees him.”
“Fabulous. I’m in. But, uhm, let me talk it over with Xander and I’ll see what he thinks.”
“If he says no, dump him again and move in. By the time the two of you kiss and makeup, you’ll have all your stuff there right where you want it, and he’s stuck with the leftover space.” Laurie plays it off like she’s joking, but I’m not so sure she is. It’s a valid plan, though.
“Oh my fucking god, yes! Yes!”
“Alright, I guessed you’d be overjoyed, but I didn’t think you’d go full orgasmic on me.
” Xander’s huge smile has spread onto my face as I watch him pick up the napkin and start drawing invisible lines in the air as he does his own math.
Sometimes, I hate how much I suck at math, but that’s what I have Xander for. “Whatcha working on, big brain?”
“Amazing! The money you’ll save on gas going to work at cafes to avoid the mice, and the reduction in rent payments, means you can afford the studio time. We can probably get the band back in there by…next month and still have enough to cover the tour.”
“Or we could put it away in savings and—MOUSE!” I run across the room and jump up onto the bed. I’m not sure why I’m any safer up here since it’s not even a foot off the floor and I’m pretty sure mice can jump that high. “MOUSE! Xander!”
He comes out of his math daze and runs over with his bucket, trying to trap the poor thing as it scurries around desperate for an escape.
It dashes toward the bed, and I kick the blanket toward it.
Direct hit! But now he’s hidden under all that fabric.
When he makes a break for it, Xander slams the bucket down, trapping the creature underneath.
“I’ll check the traps, too. Maybe I can drive more than just him all the way out to the middle of nowhere.”
I insisted on humane traps, and when Xander researched those versus the other options, he agreed.
They catch the little guys with tasty peanut butter, but they can’t get back out.
We take them down to the public dump about five miles from here.
They have diseases and shit, but I have an overactive imagination, and so I picture myself in their situation.
Stuck in a trap, waiting to die of starvation or some dude to smash my head in with a hammer.
Also, neither of us were smashing mouse heads. Not happening.
“Jesus, by the time we get out of here, we’ll have relocated their entire mouse family to an area with much better food to mouse ratios,” Xander laments as he drops onto the bucket, tapping the side and waiting for the little guy to tap back to say he’s okay.
I go behind him and rub his bare shoulders and tracing his tattoos while I kiss the back of his head. “I’ll call Lexi in the morning. Maybe we can move in sooner?”