Page 25 of Never To Suffer (The Hollywoodland #4)

I grin, “Oh, you think I’m done with you? No, love. But I wasn’t prepared for how fucking well you take me, especially with the piercings. Now the real fun begins.” I stand up and pull her to her feet, helping her shrug my jacket off. That won’t be the last time I fuck her in my clothes.

She takes off her shirt and moves for the bra, but I stop her, taking her in. The lime green panties, the matching bra so thin I can see her dark nipples pebbled beneath the fabric. I want to taste every inch of her. I want to hold her from now until eternity.

“Skylar?”

“Yeah, my beautiful siren?”

“I’m… I want to be yours.” She hesitates for a moment. “I want to be completely and totally yours. Like, I want to let go. I’ve got a death grip on so much in life and I want to let go of it all. I’m so tired of holding on so tight. I want to be nothing but yours tonight.”

“You could never be nothing, Dani. And I promise, you will always be mine .” I wrap my hand around her neck, my voice low and dark.

I’m trying not to let it shake, not to break, because I understand what Dani’s telling me.

After all these years, the pain of being apart, the unfairness of life, she still trusts me. And trust runs deeper than love.

I lift her, carrying her into the bathroom and setting her down on the counter.

She makes the most beautiful noises when the fingers of one hand push deep inside her and the other hand squeezes her throat.

Her wet lashes flutter and she grips me tight as I do the same to her.

She comes apart for me, her cum dripping down my fingers and over the counter.

She’s beautiful, and even more beautiful when she lets go again, this time with my name on her lips.

There’s a strange crossover with power in a sexual relationship; one a lot of people miss when they try to categorize themselves as dominants or submissive.

They think being a dominant means you’re in charge.

What you say goes, that the submissive must always do what you say.

Without mutual trust, the process falls apart and people stand a higher risk of getting hurt.

A sub gives themselves over on the deepest of levels because they trust their dominant partner.

They trust them to listen, to understand, to care for them, to never take it too far.

Her fingers wrap around my half-hard cock, bringing it back to life and notching the tip against her entrance.

Dani craves control over every aspect of her life, but she hides it well.

She fears change, and it’s rare she puts down her barriers long enough for anyone to gain admittance into her inner sanctum.

She would die for her true friends, but more importantly, she would kill for them and never bat an eye.

She’s the beetle because of her beautiful, jeweled shell, the wild side she projects into the world.

The thick armor she designed to distract from the scared little girl she never stopped being.

I push into her, watching her eyes roll back and mouth drop open. I shiver as the last piercing enters her, letting the sensation rush through us both. I stay buried in her warmth until she forces her eyes open and peers up at me.

“From now on, Beetle, I will stay.” My voice shakes and my body fights the uncontrollable urge to move.

“And from now on, my beautiful little beetle, with your hard shell and stubborn ways, will belong to me. Mine to love. Mine to fuck. Mine to destroy. Mine to make whole again.” I won’t be her jailer.

Instead, I will set Dani free. We’re not there yet, but this serves as my promise to her.

We will be what each other needs most in life.

That she can trust me, and that we’ll be there for one another from now on.

She’ll catch me when I stumble and fall, and I’ll hold her together when she’s falling apart.

“You mean it, Skylar?” She pushes my head to her neck as I snap my hips and we descend into that primal chorus.

“I do, Beetle. I do.”

Dani mumbles in her sleep as I slip out of bed.

Grabbing my phone and pack of cigarettes, I step out onto the tiny balcony and light up.

Flipping through all the pictures and videos we took has me smiling like an idiot, and, after watching them a few times, I move the files to a secure folder online.

Xander taught me that trick and it’s saved my ass a few times, having my important stuff kept somewhere other than my phone.

It became our way of communicating without talking, using the file folders he set up for me after I’d gone.

Sometimes, I’d save pictures or videos meant for him, since I knew he would get a notification for certain folders.

He did the same for me. The intimacy without touching or talking had an erotic and enticing edge to it.

The first colors of the morning seep into the sky as the sun climbs over the trees to promise the world a new day and a fresh start. I don’t deserve either, but I’ll take it. Opening my phone again, I send a message to my sponsor.

I found her. Well, she found me.

Shawn

That’s crazy. What happened?

I’m not surprised he’s up this early since I’m convinced he sleeps less than I do.

She wants me to come home. Her word, not mine. Home.

Shawn

How do you feel about that?

Like I want to try. I can feel again, Shawn. Not stressed or freaking out. Not worried about the future or what happens if I get that itch again. Just her. Just…happy.

Shawn

I’m glad, my friend. Teach her your warning signs and call me when you can or when you need to. Give her my number, too.

I believe in you, Skylar. I always have. Hang on to this feeling.

Warning signs. I should come with a fucking label tattooed on my chest.

Danger: may become increasingly dickish with no warning, contact sponsor if patient loses interest in food, sex, or music; uncontrolled crying in the shower, chronic and sudden anxiety attacks, and long battles with self-loathing and horrific depression are common.

Watch for nail biting, social withdrawal, outbursts of rage, extreme mood swings, fight or flight reactions, and fucked up drawings in my journal. Good. Fucking. Luck.

Maybe I’ll do that someday. I should add the DNR order I begged for a year ago. I glance inside and see her face smashed into the pillow, makeup everywhere, and I can help but think that this time, maybe I’ll be okay.

I crack my neck and put out the cigarette.

Before going back into bed, I wash my hands and use some of the mouthwash Dani has by the sink.

I’ve tried to break the nervous habit, but like I told Shawn, I can’t kill all the demons at once, so I aimed for the meanest mother fucker first. I close the curtains tight so the sun won’t wake us before I settle in next to Dani’s warm, soft body.

Nuzzling into her neck, I wonder if this sleep will end differently, if the demons will stay away, even if only for a little while.

“I love you, Daniella,” I whisper as sleep pulls my eyelids down and I drift off into the darkness.