Page 9 of Never Tell Secrets

I forced my feet to move, treading carefully on the broken steps. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my torso as I stepped into the abandoned garden, the whispers of our final fight echoing around me. It looked almost how I thought it would.Almost. Overgrown trees dominated the space, running roots corrupting the earth.

How could he do this?

How could he forget about it and leave it to rot?

I stepped further into my ruined dream space and that’s when I saw it. I covered my mouth to keep my sobs inside. In the middle of the ghost of our Evergarden was a moss-covered plinth, and atop it sat a sculpture of a broken bleeding heart. The stone flower was made from jet black obsidian. It was cracked down the centre, broken almost into two pieces. I reached out to touch it and found it deathly cold beneath my fingers.

Alfie.

Then, I did cry, because I couldn’t hold it back any more. I crumbled to the earth and my tears fell in helpless silence. As always, when I was hurting the most, all I wanted was him.

I don’t know how long I knelt there, crying over the broken bleeding heart, but eventually I gathered myself enough to return to Riley. He didn’t try to talk, didn’t ask questions when I told him to take me home, my real home.

My gran's cottage looked the same as it had two years ago. We pulled up outside and I looked up at the darkened house. My sister and nephew would be fast asleep by now.

Riley shifted beside me and I tensed. I’d known this talk was coming but it didn’t make it any easier.

“Lola, I have no right to ask you this, but will you please meet with him?” And there it was. Alfie Tell being dangled in front of me. Such an awful tease.

“What would be the point, Riley? I can’t go back. Seeing each other will only make things worse.”

“Maybe, but maybe he just needs closure,” he said and I let out a short laugh.Closure.There was no such thing with Alfie. “This isn’t a joke, Lola,” he snapped. “This isn’t me trying to get my friend laid. I’m sorry that I’m putting this on you, I know it’s not fair, but I don’t know what else to do. He can’t go on like this. It’ll kill him.” I stared at him in shock, trying to wrap my mind around what he was saying. “Alfie won’t talk to me but Angie does. I know you hate her, I’m not her biggest fan either but she cares about Alfie and she’s scared for him. She says he barely eats, barely sleeps. And he…” He cut himself off, seeming suddenly unsure if he was telling me too much.

“He what? You might as well lay it all on me, Riley.”

“He collapsed twice last year.” His voice shook a little and my stomach roiled. I clenched my hands to stop them from shaking as Riley continued. “From exhaustion and stress apparently,but with his family’s history of heart conditions, he’s playing a dangerous game. His father died of a heart attack, you knew that right?” he asked and I nodded. I knew, not because Alfie had shared it with me but because I’d Googled him and read about it. I pictured Alfie, hand clutched to his chest, falling to the floor. I felt like I was going to throw up. “I don’t know if you can help but maybe seeing him again, would give closure to both of you.”

“I don’t need closure,” I said automatically.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” His tone dismissed me, an argument he wasn’t going to bother having. He knew he was right. But I was right too, I didn’t need closure. I needed Alfie. And I couldn’t have that.

“What if I say no?”

“Then I’ll never bother you again. I promise,” he said, his mouth set in a grim line. I believed him. We were silent for a few moments, each of us lost in our thoughts. I wondered how much it had taken for Riley to come here. He was a good friend. Too good for Alfie. He sighed next to me. “This isn’t how I thought things would turn out for us. I always figured we’d be settled down with families by now. Don’t look at me like that. I know it seems nuts to think of Alfie Tell as a family man but he’s always wanted that. He would never say it, of course, but he wanted it. I assumed he would end up with some heiress, someone his mother picked out for him. I was happy when he met you instead.”

There was too much there to unpack, too many landmines to step on, so I decided to skirt around that minefield altogether. “And you? Who were you going to settle down with?”

“Some girl from home. I just wanted a good, steady woman. Easy on the eye.” He grinned a little, imagining that hypothetical goddess.

“Kids?”

“Aye. I wanted a whole pack of them. My ma said she wanted me to have a lad as wild as I was to make up for all the hassle I put her through. I thought I’d have that by now.”

“You never came close?” I asked and he shook his head.

“I’ve dated, but I travel a lot. It’s difficult. I met a girl once but she was gone the next morning and I never saw her again. I really liked that one.” His eyes glazed over, lost in the memory, before he came back to the present. “I know how much I’m asking of you?—”

“No you don’t,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself. I felt cold, despite the heat in the car. “I felt like I was dying, Riley. In the weeks and months after I left, I thought I’d die. You’re asking me to go through that again.”

“I know,” he nodded, his expression filled with regret.

My hand crept up to my mum’s necklace. What should I do? I closed my eyes. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can promise you right now.”

Riley let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Lola.” I nodded and we shared a look, one that communicated every bit of fear and pain we were holding onto. “I’ll pick you up in the morning and drive you back to London.”

“Goodnight, Riley.” I gave him a small smile and stepped out of the car.

I entered the house as quietly as possible, knowing Natalie and Ryan would already be in bed. At first glance, my old home looked exactly the same, but the changes were there if you looked hard. My sister's coat hanging on the banister was more worn than it had been last year. Ryan’s shoes had gotten bigger, his reading books for school scattered on the coffee table were no longer aged 6-8 but now 12-15, placing him in the advanced group.