Page 31 of Never Tell Secrets

“I haven’t read all of them but I got the gist.” I noticed then that at the table, each chair had a folder, notes, a mug and a glass of water. “You aren’t working alone?”

“My team has gone for an early breakfast. They will be back in a while. Riley is with them. I’m sure he’d like to see you.”

“I didn’t come here to see Riley.” I wondered how to phrase this best. “Alfie, thank you for giving your journals to me, I know how much of a huge step that was for you. I’ve read enough of them to understand you, I think.”

“No, you haven’t,” he said, his gaze dark. “If you’d read enough of them, you wouldn’t be standing here. At least, not alone.”

“Okay, see, that right there is why I’m giving them back. Everything that I’m reading, the women, your family…it all helps me understand you better, but that big secret, the big thing that you are so certain will make me despise you. I don’t want to read that here. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me to my face.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not fair to leave me to deal with it alone.” I folded my arms over my chest, wishing I’d put a coat on or something. Standing here in my dress and heels I felt more vulnerable than I liked. “Maybe I have questions, maybe I need comfort when I’m reading these awful things, but instead of offering those, you just dump and run. You don’t even tell me which entry to read so I’m just reading page after page of heinous shit that I can’t talk to anyone about.”

“I thought you wanted to know everything.” He frowned.

“I do, but Alfie, how would you like to sit and read book after book about me being beaten on and abused and hooking up with other people and you can’t do anything about it or tell anyone.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing.” He looked so confused. I sighed. I felt for him, I really did. He was trying so hard.

“The gesture was right but this big secret, the one I don’t know yet, that needs to be a conversation. Not a hushed secret your past self whispers to me that I have to deal with on my own.” Silence fell over us. His gaze ran over my scantily clad body and I shivered. The tequila had long since worn off and no longer warmed me.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You can’t unhear what I tell you.” His words frightened me. I steeled my nerves. I had to know.

“I can take it.”

“I don’t think I can take seeing the look on your face when you find out what I’ve done.” He looked like a man resigned to his fate. “Can I tell you in the dark? With the lights turned off?” This was his compromise. Slowly, I nodded.

“Yes.”

“Fine. But not here.” He stood, a stoic determination on his face. His gaze darkened as he uttered a word I’d heard from his lips a thousand times. “Come.”

I followed him out of the room, Elliot following after us carrying the chest. We exited a different way, and ten minutes later I found myself in a private area of an underground car park. Elliot put the chest in the boot and left us to it with a nod to Alfie.

Alfie opened the passenger door of the sleek vehicle. With a deep breath, I got in. Instantly, his scent enveloped me. The hair on the back of my arms rose up. I was so fucked. I calmed myself, carefully moving my mask into place as I had practiced so many times.

Alfie slid in beside me and navigated us out onto the empty city streets. I’d forgotten how attractive it was watching Alfie drive.

“So, where are we going?” I asked, shaking myself out of my dangerous thoughts.

“My house.” A small smile lifted his lips at my shocked expression. “You’re going to hate it.”

Eleven

Alfie’s house?

I didn’t know Alfie had a house.

I knew he hadpropertybut I didn’t know he had a place that he actually lived in.

“I thought you didn’t have a home?” I remembered him telling me that in the early days of our relationship.

“I wouldn’t call it my home. I rarely spend any time there.”

“Then why keep it?”

“It’s where I keep things that are important to me. This house is separate from the rest of my life. No friends, no colleagues, no dinners or parties. Just me and the shit that matters.” I guess that included me now.

“Thank you for letting me in. I appreciate you making that effort.” I kept my voice calm. I needed to handle this carefully.Distance. Keep your distance, Lola.I needed to keep my wits about me and that started with laying ground rules. “Alfie, I?—”