Page 43 of Never Tell Secrets

Fifteen

His gaze pierced me and I shivered. “I’ll take it from here, Ada.”

“Alright. It was nice to meet you Lola. I’ll see you again soon.” I managed to smile and thank her before she scurried away, leaving us alone.

Alfie gazed at me, a watchful calm on his face. He looked a different man from the tortured soul he’d been last night. He had a new air about him now, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“Enjoy the tour?” he asked and I wondered if he really cared what I thought of the house.

“What’s the point in having two wine cellars when you don’t drink?”

“They came with the house. Besides, I'm not the only person that lives here.” A steady silence fell over us again. The air between us felt strange, as if we had stepped into a new plane of existence with a higher oxygen content. I felt high, kind of dizzy in his presence as always. But now, despite the years of distance, Alfie Tell felt tangible to me in a way he never had before. It frightened me and I had to remind myself that, despite showing me his secrets, he was still the man that had manipulated and violated me. He couldn’t be trusted.

“I’d like to show you something.” He gestured to the door and I walked past him out of the library, his body dangerously close to mine. Instead of leading us away, he produced a key and moved to the door Ada had refused to open.

“How did you know I wanted to see in there?” In response, Alfie glanced above my head. I turned and saw a tiny camera in the upper left corner of the ceiling. “Always watching, huh?” He flinched but didn’t respond. He turned the key in the lock and gestured for me to go ahead. “Really? As easy as that?”

“I am an open book.” He stood over me, awaiting my decision. What was he playing at? Ever since he’d come back into my life, everything he had done had thrown me off. His newfound openness unnerved me. I didn’t trust it. Nevertheless, I moved past him and entered. Confused, I looked around the room.

“Am I in a museum?” I asked and he let out a short laugh.

“Of sorts. More like a time capsule.”

The room could have been an office with the large writing desk in the centre of the room, but the walls were lined with shelves and glass cases holding various items. Jewellery, books, ornaments, it all seemed so random and very un-Alfie. Then I noticed a familiar-looking chest on a lower shelf–his journals. In a glass case, I saw a violin. I paused there, staring at it.

“It’s the one I told you about.” The one he’d given to the Italian girl. He’d told me about her at Harrington House the day he’d made me wear that awful grey dress.

“It’s beautiful. Why is it in here?” I looked up at him, his watchful gaze ever present. I wasn’t sure what unnerved me more–his openness or his distance. Alfie had always swarmed my senses, used touch to mould and manipulate me. Now, he remained feet away from me, out of my space, letting me see him and breathe. Letting me think.

“This room is where I keep the things that mean something to me. Ada is the only other person with a key. She comes in here to dust sometimes. Other than that, it remains locked.”

“Do you ever come in here?”

“Rarely.”

“Will you play for me?” I gestured at the violin. I would give anything to hear him play.

“Not now, not this instrument, but another time, if you want me to. It’s been a while, though. I’ll be rusty.” My chest ached at the realisation that Alfie hadn’t worked out that there wouldn’t be another time. That this was the last time I would be in this house. The ache grew as I resigned myself to being the one that had to explain it to him. But not at this moment.

I moved on, looking at each item, wondering what the story could be behind each one. I wished he could tell me. I wished I could spend hours in his arms as he laid all his memories bare for me. But I couldn’t. I was smarter than that now. I was preparing to pull away, to make ready to leave, when my gaze landed on something that twisted in my gut. A pair of deep blue shoes that were all too familiar.

“Those are mine.” He’d kept them. I met his eyes, saw the painful memories matching my own. I wondered if that had been one of the worst nights of his life as it had mine. I picked up the shoes. The indentations of my toes were still there, perfectly preserved.

Alfie…

No. I pushed the rising emotion away.Manipulation.This was all just manipulation. I steeled myself, until I saw in a glass box next to the shoes, containing a negative pregnancy test. I bit my lip, swallowing back the tears. The memory of the fear I’d felt waiting for the test to tell me my future had never left me. I had made so many bad decisions with Alfie, because of him and because of myself.

I replaced the shoes and took down the box. I felt Alfie step closer behind me.

“Do you think you would have ever wanted a child with me?”

His questions was like a knife in my gut. I had no idea how to answer it so I decided to avoid it. “Doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“Doesn’t it?”

My grip tightened on the box. “You really believe last night changed everything, don’t you? That telling me your secrets erased everything you did to me.”

“It won’t erase anything, Lo. I’m not an idiot. But things are different now.”