Page 148 of Never Tell Secrets

“You want to do that with me?”

There was a dark glint in his eye. “Some people are made to be bound, I think you might be one of them.”

My chest fluttered, the shrapnel throbbing harder, warning me that I was doing wrong but I ignored it.

“Pick your safe word, Lola.”

Alfie.

I clenched my fists, hating that despite everything, some part of me still believed Alfie was my safety.

“I don’t?—”

“First time?” he asked and I nodded. “I’ll make it easy. While I bind you, I’m going to ask for your colour. If you’re enjoying it, you say ‘green’. If your limits are being pushed, say ‘orange’. If you want it to stop for any reason, at any time, you say ‘red’. Clear?” I nodded again. “Words, Lola.”

“Clear. If I want to stop, I say ‘red’. You’ll definitely stop?”

“If you have to ask me then you shouldn’t be doing this.”

“I want to.” I didn’t. I just wanted Alfie out of my system. Kal scrutinised me briefly before finally stepping back. He circled around me slowly, looking me over. His eyes dissected all of my parts. He was deciding how he was going to tie me.

Tie me.

I was about to let this man I barely knew tie me up. My palms were sweating, my skin felt thick somehow, but at least I wasn’t thinking about what Alfie had done. Kal had chased away the crawling on my skin, the screams in my throat.

Kal took my sweater and lifted it enough to see the vest top I wore underneath. He lifted it over my head. I shivered, trying to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach.

This wasn’t right, this wasn’t me…but I didn’t care.

“Don’t worry,” he pinched my chin, “I’ll take it slow. You’ll stay dressed for now.”

He walked me backwards then lifted me onto the table that looked more like a sacrificial altar. “Up on your knees.”

I did as he asked, my body trembling. He held out his hands and I filled them with my own. He examined my wrists, pressing his thumbs on the delicate insides until I let out a small gasp, only then did he let up.

He moved to the vast array of ropes, selected two different kinds and cut off a length of each.

He returned to me, holding up the thicker one and placing the thinner length next to me. “This is soft hemp, it’s easier on skin that’s sensitive like yours.” He crouched, threading the rope through some unseen fixture under the table that I hadn’t known was there. He rose and began winding the rope around my wrists in a complicated series of motions I couldn’t begin to keep up with.

“How did you know my skin was sensitive?”

“I’ve got an eye, Alfie does too. Does he put lotion on your pussy after he fucks you harder than usual?” I stared at him, shocked–had he really just asked me that? He tugged on the rope, jolting me a little. “Tell me.”

Suddenly, my mind was filled with Alfie. Alfie taking me rough, holding me after, gentle and sweet. Alfie using a warm washcloth to clean me, Alfie using lotion on the sore parts of my core, my inner thighs.

“Sometimes.” I clenched my fists pushing thoughts of him away. I didn’t want him here. I wanted to forget.

Kal pulled the rope taut, securing me to the table, my hands between my knees.

“Colour?” he asked, startling me out of my thoughts.

“Green.”

With a nod he crossed to the other panel and my anxiety cranked up a notch as he opened it to reveal more sex toys than I had ever seen in my life. He selected a drawer and I blinked in surprise when he pulled out a hair brush.

What was he doing? I stayed silent as he came behind me and began brushing my hair. His motions were firm yet gentle, taking his sweet time. I found myself gritting my teeth in frustration. Washing, drying and brushing my hair was Alfie’s favourite thing.

“You have incredible hair,” Kal said, his voice hushed. “I wish there was more of it.”