Page 82 of Never Tell Secrets

My body lit up in delight at finally being fed, finally being freed.

But fear crept in my stomach, along my skin, it was too much and I couldn’t fucking breathe. As if he felt it, Alfie pulled back.

“Don’t run.” His words were a plea but my fear was overwhelming me. My hand was already on the door handle. I spilled out of the car backwards in a graceless heap. The cold night air was harsh on my heated skin. I stood, taking deep lungfuls of oxygen, but I couldn’t purge him out of me. His door slammed as he got out, meeting me at the front of the car. He said nothing, just let me breathe.

Alfie…

My body moved of its own accord. I threw myself into his arms and he caught me, moulding us together once more. He turned us, laying me out on the bonnet of his car, the metal coldand unforgiving in a way I’d once thought Alfie had been. But this man wasn’t cold, he was a fire burning right through to my core, my aching core that was swollen in need for him.

I wrapped my legs around him, drawing him in. He growled, a deep, animalistic sound as his hands roamed, squeezing at my thighs, my waist. He held my throat, pulled my hair. He fed on me like a starving man attacking a banquet.

We moved in perfect synchronicity, our bodies working together, reacquainting themselves. I tightened my thighs, pulling him closer. His hardened length pressed up against my aching mound and we groaned together. I was ecstatic. I was lost. I was falling. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t?—

“Breathe, baby.”

“Alfie…” I gasped, my mind swimming.

“Shhhh.” He pressed his forehead to mine, breathing with me as we came back down to earth. I shifted under him, my core swollen and aching. He pulled back, looking down at me. “Are you with me?” He panted. I nodded, breathless. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop. But I think you need this.” Slowly, he moved, taking both of my hands in one of his and pinning them over my head. His other hand reached between us, sliding over my core, cupping me. “This needy pussy has haunted me for two fucking years.”

I gulped, his words a torture. Very gently, his touch so light I could barely feel it, he began to run the tip of his finger over me, massaging me through the thin cotton of my underwear. I gasped. Oh fuck…

My thighs trembled, the sensation so delicious. My clitoris jumped, throbbing under his touch. I squirmed, pleasure building, pure and base at my centre. My hands gripped his, my body straining for more, but all he gave me was that small touch, and in that moment, it was all I needed, all I could handle, even though he wanted so much more.

“Let it happen, Lo.” He held me close, pressing gentle kisses at my temple, my cheek, my neck, as I rode the wave higher…higher. I cried out against his lips as my orgasm chased me, our gazes holding fast.

“Fuck, I’ve missed watching you do this.”

I looked up at him, at that smile. He was happy and I…I wasn’t ready.

My pleasure froze in mid-air, taken over by raw panic. It must have shown in my eyes because he pulled his hand away, cupping my cheek.

“Hey,” he released my hands, “stay with me, okay? We don’t have to—” But I was already sliding out from underneath him

Panic rose inside me, drowning me from the inside out. I could feel myself slipping backwards, into old habits, habits that had broken me so badly before.

What was I thinking?

My feet carried me, acting on instinct to get me away from the danger.

“Lola, wait!”

“Don’t!” I spun, wrenching my arm out of his grip, “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have…it was a mistake.”

His eyes grew round, panic mirroring my own. “No, it wasn’t. It was you and me. Us. There’s nothing that’s a mistake about that.”

“It was a mistake to give you false hope.”

He blinked, a scowl forming on his face. “Really? That’s what that was?”

“Of course! You couldn’t…you can’t really think I’d ever want you back? Someone like you? I deserve better than someone like you,” I spat, poison spilling out of my mouth before I could stop it. Alfie studied me in the dark, unmoved.

“You’re pushing too hard, Lo. Your cracks are showing.”

How many times had I said the same thing to him? Is this what he’d felt when I’d taken a mallet to his walls? The same stomach churning fear, the same need to push the threat as far away as possible.

“Do you really think you can use my own defense mechanisms against me? This wasn’t a mistake. This was you behaving like me two and a half years ago. I was getting too close and you distracted me with sex, just like I used to do with you.”

The truth in his words stung. I felt like he was pulling me open and looking inside. “Stop it, Alfie.”