Page 156 of Never Tell Secrets

Everything felt like a delusion. Every good moment from the last few weeks. Every moment with Maia over the last two years…all of it tainted.

It took less than a day for Alfie to start calling me. I guess he knew I’d learned about Maia and wanted to offer new justifications for his behaviour but my patience was gone. I ignored every text and refused to listen to my voicemail. Anger, all I felt was anger. With every phone call, every text, it grew.

Keira flitted between fury and worry and when she wasn’t doing that, she was out all night doing who knew what. I didn’t want to know.

I didn’t tell Natalie. Maybe I would one day, but right now, I barely had room for my own thoughts, nevermind someone else's. Her relationship with Riley was so fragile and so much more important than any of the shit going on with Alfie and I. I didn’t want to rock that boat.

Each morning, I expected to wake up to reporters banging on my door, but they never came back. I guess they’d moved on, or Alfie had spun some other lie to draw them away.

On Friday night I crawled into bed, fearing sleep just like I did every night. I feared him being there, haunting my dreams but more than that, I feared the night he wouldn’t be.

I awoke on Saturday morning to a banging on my front door. Groaning, I fell out of bed, taking my duvet with me to ward off the chill. I opened the door to find Alfie standing there, cold fury on his perfect face. Unlike the last time I’d seen him when he’d heated me to my core, now all I felt was cool anger.

“What do you want?”

“Just making sure you’re alive.” He stared at me and I stared right back. If he was waiting for an apology he’d be waiting a long time. “Can I come in? We need to talk.”

“No.” I tried to close the door but he grabbed it, pushing his way past me. “Alfie! Get out.”

“No. We have to talk and…why is it so cold in here?” He scowled, eyeing the duvet wrapped around me. “Can’t you afford the heating bill?”

“We’re just cutting back a little. We’re a person down now, remember? Keira and I have to make up the rent until we get a new non-crazy, non-spy roommate.”

He sighed, rubbing his bandaged hand over his face. I fought the urge to ask him how his hand was healing. “Lola, I can make up the difference in the rent.”

I snorted. “Not a chance, Alfie.” He opened his mouth to argue but I raised a hand. “Please just go. If Keira finds you here?—”

“I’m not afraid of Keira.”

Neither was I, I just didn’t need more drama. I contemplated dragging Alfie out by force but there was no way that was going to end in my favour. “Then talk fast and get out.”

Alfie took a steadying breath, recalculating in a way I’d seen him do a thousand times. “Lo, I understand you need time, but you can’t just shut me out like this. We have to communicate, you know that.”

“Fine. I know that,” I said through gritted teeth. “Now please leave.”

His jaw ticked in frustration. I was pushing all of his buttons but I was past caring. “I came to ask you to attend another therapy session.”

I stared at him, gobsmacked. “You are joking,” I scoffed but his deadpan stare told me he wasn’t. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you? Do you really want to stay like this? Lo, I thought we were on a better page than this. When I saw you at Kal’s?—”

“When you saw me at Kal’s, I didn’t know about Maia.”

Guilt flashed across his face. “I’m sorry about Maia.”

“‘Sorry’ is wearing out, Alfie.” He’d said the same thing to me once, two and a half years ago when he’d been angry I hadn't told him I was getting more birth control. Birth control he’d been stealing. This was all so fucked up.

“Look, I’m not here to justify anything. I just want you to go to therapy. That’s why I’ve been calling you this week. I want you to let Priya help you.”

“Why?” I snapped. “She doesn’t seem to have helped you untwist your crazy.”

“That isn’t fair and you know it. I don’t want you falling into the same pit you did last time I hurt you. You’ve come so far and?—”

“I bet you loved watching that, didn’t you? I bet you loved having a twenty four hour live stream of me missing you.”

“Is that what you think?”

“Isn’t it true? Didn’t you spend two years stalking me, watching me like a creep, getting off while I cried countless buckets of salt over you.”