Page 189 of Never Tell Secrets

“Speak for yourself,” Natalie muttered. She came after me, the rising sun shone through the kitchen windows, casting an orange glow across her face.

“What’re you doing here? Everything okay?” Her cheeks were flushed but to my surprise, she didn’t seem annoyed.

Riley followed her, pushing his glasses onto his face, his hair a ruffled mess. A blushing look passed between them.

“Are you two finally…?”

“Yes,” Riley answered.

“No!” Natalie cut him off and they shared another look, exasperation on her side, amusement on his. I wondered if he’d caught that cocky look off Alfie. “We’re just…dating. Are you alright?”

I’d planned to tell her everything, but now I didn’t want to ruin her happiness. I could tell her later. I forced a smile on my face. “I’m fine, I just missed you,” I said, even though it hadn’t been long since I’d seen her. “Where’s my nephew?”

“He had a sleepover last night,” Riley said, looking entirely at ease in my family home. “He doesn’t know yet…about us.”

I nodded, that made sense. I was glad Riley wasn’t fighting my sisters need to be cautious. “Okay, well, I’m sorry for interrupting, I’ll just go upstairs now and scrub my eyes out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Riley laughed. “I should probably go anyway. I have to get to work. Actually,” he paused, “do you want to come?”

“Huh?”

“To Harrington? Alfie had work reinstated a couple of months ago, he didn’t tell you?”

My heart clenched. “Yes, he did. Thank you, I’d love to come.”

It was strange riding in the car with Riley. Our silences had never felt uncomfortable until today. The last time I’d seen him felt like a lifetime ago. Our worlds had been turned upside down since then.

“My sister said you’ve been spending time with Ryan?” I said in an attempt to get the ball rolling. It was odd to be sitting here making small talk while my heart was breaking inside, yet I was doing it. My strength was surprising even to me.

“Yeah, he’s a lot of fun. My ma’s overjoyed at being a gran.”

“That’s really great.” The fatherless little girl in me was so happy that Ryan had found his dad and that he was as awesome as Riley.

“Natalie says we can tell him I’m his dad this week.”

“She finally came around, huh?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “she even asked me to spend Christmas with them. You’ll be there too, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, Keira usually spends the holiday with us as well. It’ll be a full house.” I stared out of the window. I hadn’t realised it was almost Christmas. Just like before, when Alfie was a part of my world, I forgot everything else.

Riley was quiet for a while as he sped us along familiar roads that brought up so many memories for me. Eventually, he asked the inevitable question.

“What happened, Lo? Something happened with Alfie, right?”

“He’s gone.” I don’t know how my voice didn’t break as I told Riley what had happened. Not about the cameras, he didn’t need to know about that, at least not from me.

I couldn’t help but picture Alfie. Maybe he was reading my letter right now. Maybe he was crying over it, regretting what he’d done. Maybe he was still blissfully asleep. I hoped he was.

“I’m so sorry.”

I swallowed, letting the hurt fester. It didn’t take over, not yet. That would come later. “It’s okay.” I turned to Riley, his profile full of concern for his friend. “I did what you wanted. He’s going to be better now.”

“And you? Are you going to be alright?”

That was a loaded question that I didn’t have a solid answer to so I just shrugged. “I’m still a fucking showgirl.” I gazed out the window and a laugh burst out of me as I realised where I was.

“What?”