Page 48 of June: When Gangstas Collide

I was close to my next destination when my phone began ringing. It was Samara. I wanted to ignore the call because I was on a mission, but if she needed me and I didn’t answer, I would regret not being there. So, I answered.

“What’s wrong, Samara?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m out looking for Z. Have you heard from her?”

“No, I was calling to ask you if you had. I can go out looking if you want.”

I didn’t want anyone else to be involved in this situation. I had gotten myself into this shit and needed to get myself out.

“No, you stay with Dio, he’s going to make sure you’re good. Just tell the little nigga to keep his hands to himself,”

I gritted.

“Why don’t you like him?”

I grumbled.

“I love Dio and I know him much more than you do. He knows what I expect, but he’s also a man with wants and needs. I don’t want to hear about it. Samara, you are my child. I want what’s best, not saying he’s not, but dealing with Dio is like dealing with me. I need to make sure you can handle the lifestyle he’s going to offer you.”

She laughed.

“I can deal with you, and I can also deal with Dio. You let me worry about those types of decisions. All I need from you is to continue to love me like a father loves his daughter.”

It was that shit right there that warmed a nigga’s heart. I wanted to receive her love. I did, but I was afraid of failing her, as I’ve done with Z. I had two sons on the way, and what Samara didn’t know was that she was preparing me for them. So I was choosing to accept her.

“I love you, Samara. I love you like a father loves a daughter.”

I could feel her smiling on the other side of the phone, and in this moment, I felt so proud, so proud that my lips eased into a smile.

“I love you, too, Dad,”

she said before she hung up.

That dad shit hit a nigga different, and hearing her say that broke me inside because if I didn’t find Zaria, I feared I would never hear my boys say it. By the time I looked up, I was at Bishop’s. I hadn’t come for him, but I came for Indigo. I knew if no one else knew where Zaria was, she did. My pride was put to the side as I got out of the car and walked up to his door. I rang the doorbell and waited. I could hear their dog barking, so I knew someone was here. When the door opened, his eyes narrowed in on me. He sucked his teeth.

“Is Indigo here?” I asked.

His nose flared, “No, she’s not here. She went to rehab.”

Damn, that was fast. I knew Tania saying that shit to her at the dinner fucked with her. I felt bad. Bishop stared at me long and hard. I wanted to back away, I did, but the way he was sizing me up, I wasn’t feeling it. I raised my chin slightly.

The dog stood next to his feet and barked. The shit was so annoying that my eyes lowered to make eye contact with the dog.

“Watch it nigga,”

I heard Bishop grumble.

“You looking for your girl?”

My head shot his way, “You know where she is?”

“I still don’t like yo ass, but I know if it were Indigo, I would want to know. I put her up in one of my condos a few cities over. The city is Lexington Heights,”

he said as he handed me a card with the address on it.

“Top floor. I will tell them you're coming.”

This is where God was waiting for my next move. I knew all of this was a test and I couldn’t fail. My mouth opened and the words hesitantly rolled off my tongue, “Thank you.”

I backed away and rushed back to my car. I hopped in and took off. I began hitting corner after corner, trying to get to the highway, when I came to a red light. I glanced over to see Preach’s church. All sorts of people were walking inside the church. Something about it was pulling me to go inside, but another part of me was eager to get to Z.

My eyes bounced from the church to the light. I was losing my fucking mind. It was becoming harder to figure out where God was trying to lead me. I was trying to figure out what part of his plan this was. In my mind, Zaria had humbled me. The conversation with Tavaris humbled me. Me leaving that old part of me humbled me. Me bowing to Bishop in that moment humbled me. However, deep down, it wasn’t enough. I began to get frustrated with God the more I sat in front of this goddamn church.

I ran the light by making a U-turn, parking directly in front of the church. If God wanted me to talk to him, fine. I killed the ignition as my heart raced. I got out of the car as I walked up to the church door and stood. The last time I entered a church, I got arrested. My feet felt heavy as I tried walking inside.

“What do you want from me?”

I shouted outside the door.

That’s when Preach’s voice exuded beyond the door.

“He’s waiting on you. He’s been waiting this entire time. Now is your time to give it to God.”

Did the nigga know I was outside? An older woman came from behind me. She stopped and looked at me.

“I heard you. Give it to God, sweetie,”

she said as she passed me and opened the church doors.

Was this a sign?