Page 32 of June: When Gangstas Collide

I lay in bed thinking about Chevy’s sister. She was so broken, and as much as I wanted to pry, I didn’t, but I knew whatever it was she was going through was bad. If only she knew that she wasn’t alone because her brother was going through just as much. I noted that once it hit a decent time, I was going to go and talk to Chev. There was so much happening, and I felt like the nigga was losing sight of the sole purpose of us leaving California.

He had a second chance at life, and before God decided to take that chance away, I needed my nigga to get his head on straight. The sound of my door opening made me glance toward it. I knew it could only be one person because she was the only one with a key to the house. I knew she was going to find herself back here after seeing Sage and me together, I just didn’t know when.

Navanna entered the room and stood at the foot of the bed. She looked like she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.

“You know it took me days to get to a point where I can come in here and be as calm as I am now. Me, a few days ago, would have come in here and fucked shit up, but I learned that when you deal with a man as nonchalant as you, it isn’t going to change much.”

I didn’t move, nor did I react, because whatever she had to say, I needed her to get it off her chest before I ended this entire situation. She pointed at me, “See, look at you. When did we get to a point where you begin to care less? When did the love stop brewing in you for me? Has God taken you from me? He is so selfish!”

I sat up, “Don’t do that,”

I muttered.

“Don’t do what? Say God is selfish? He has the world, Prentice. He has many others who can lead people, but he chose you and took you away from me and I hate—”

Now I had gotten out of bed and rushed toward her.

“I said, don’t say it! You want to talk about selfish, that is you!” I barked.

Her lips disappeared between her teeth as she slowly nodded.

“I’m selfish because I want to be with a man who said he loved me. I went through hell and back with you and all I get is a Bible thumping nigga.”

I was trying to play it cool, but she knew how to push my buttons.

“Ok, Navanna. You want me to get rid of all my Bibles, and you want me to stop talking about God. You,”

I pointed at her chest.

“Want me to walk around beating niggas asses every day and running the streets reckless! I can give you all that, but it wouldn’t change how I feel.”

She came closer toward me, and I stepped back.

“No! I’m not saying that, I want the nigga I met!”

she screamed.

“I want the thrill, I want the love, I want Preach, Prentice, the Zoo boy. I want the man who used to call me Pretty. You don’t care about those things anymore. It’s like you found a lane, got on your bike, and took off, leaving me and what I felt behind.”

The reality was that she liked the old version of me, not the new one. She didn’t want growth; she wanted to be complacent. I was the same nigga she was speaking on, only with an upgrade. This version of me was to be a better man for her, but she didn’t want better, she wanted mediocre.

“I am the same nigga Navanna, you and I both know that. What it is, Pretty, because that’s what you want me to call you, right? You want all my time. You want me to be laid up, fucking day and night. You want my head so far up your ass you probably wouldn’t care if I shitted on my niggas,”

I said, and I began to step toward her.

“Yes! Yes! I do! I gave up a lot, and if I’m wrong for wanting you the way that I do, then hey,”

she shrugged.

I shook my head.

“You don’t even respect me or what I do. You’re walking around here hiding my things. Stopping me from praying and—”

“Fuck your prayers! I told you from the jump I don’t believe in it.”

I damn near growled at her ass.

“And you knew from jump, I did. I went to war for you with your fucked up daddy. I still fucked with you even though you were a cop, and through it all, I’ve been the same nigga. I don’t know what more you want from me.”

She tried cupping my face.

“I want you to give it up and work on us,”

she mumbled.

When she said that, I knew she had lost her mind. I nodded.

“I’m done. I love you. I hope that you find what it is your heart desires, but I’m not in love with you, Navanna. This is not God talking. I don’t have a Bible in sight. This is me, Preach, Prentice, the Zoo boy, telling you that there is no more us. Give me my keys.”

Tears fell from her eyes, and although it hurt me to see her like that, Navanna wasn’t it. She wanted me in a way I couldn’t offer myself to her. She pulled the key off her key ring and handed it to me.

“I will pay for you a spot for a while because, although we’re not together, I still want to make sure you're good.”

She shook her head.

“Don’t even bother, just leave me the fuck alone,”

she spat before walking out of the room.

I didn’t want things to end this way, and I feared this would affect Zaria’s and Yana’s relationships as well, because if their sister left, where would it leave them?

After having that moment at the church, I wanted to try somehow to move on. I had been looking up rehabs away from Toussaint. It only made sense for me to leave to better myself. I was going to tell Bishop of my decision because, although we weren’t together, I felt like he should still know. All I needed to do was get past this dinner with my grandparents.

I stood in front of the mirror, glancing at myself because I knew if I wasn’t up to par, my grandmother was going to have something to say, as she always did. She wanted perfection, decorum, and grace. I slicked my hair into a neat high ponytail, put a little makeup on but not too much, and threw on a cute, dainty, cream-colored silk dress with a pair of expensive kitten heels. Pearls in my ears and around my neck. It was cute, classy, and met my grandmother’s expectations. I had left the room and gone down the steps to wait for Tania to arrive.

While I waited, I pulled out my phone and texted Bishop. I had given him a time to meet me so we could talk. He texted back ok and told me he loved me. I smiled before exiting the text thread. I saw the car lights pull into the driveway, letting me know Tania had arrived. She and I hadn’t said too much to each other since the fight, but our problems were ours. We didn’t want our grandparents to know, so we were about to fake it until we made it.

When I got into the car, I turned to see that Hope wasn’t in the backseat.

“Where is Hope?”

“I let Bleek take her for the night. A bitch is tired.”

She was lying. Harvey and the girls read her down so bad she knew she was wrong, and instead of admitting it, she came up with an excuse why she was suddenly being nice. Tania was wrong. Although she knew she should have taken accountability, she wouldn’t. The drive to our grandparents was silent. It had been a while since we’d done something like this, so I’m sure her nerves were just as bad as mine. When we pulled into their estate, it reminded me of our family’s wealth. From the expensive lawn care, the maids, and the doormen, to the acres the mansion sat on.

We both got out of the car and glanced at each other before walking up the steps. Upon going inside the house, we were greeted by our grandparents. The dimly lit foyer, the classical music that simmered in the background, and the smell of my grandfather’s cigars created an exclusive ambiance.

“You both look beautiful.”

My grandmother smiled.

“Thank you,” I said.

My grandfather came over to me, hugging me tightly.

“You’ve always been the sweetest Indigo.”

I could see Tania rolling her eyes out of the corner of my eye. I ignored her as we followed behind them into the dining room. The spread was incredible. There was so much food. There was a table setting for five, but there were only four of us here. Tania must have noticed it as well because she glanced at my grandmother curiously, “Who else is coming? Vari?”

My grandmother gave a subtle laugh.

“No, sweetie, Clark.”

I felt a lump form in my throat because if he did manage to show up, I knew this dinner was going to be a disaster.